It’s what I Do!

06 Apr, 2008

A Post I wrote almost a Year Ago

Posted by: velveteen In: Numbers| Thoughts

http://3fatchicks.com/diet-blogs/velveteen/2007/04/18/the-numbers-game/

I think it’s important to remember these things… (my 3FC blog birthday is on the 15th!)

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I would be lying if I said I truly didn’t care what my numbers are.

Of course I care!‚ I put a LOT of effort though, in focusing on positive things I’ve done throughout the day, and do some pretty heavy convincing to myself that numbers don’t matter.

But let’s face it, yes they do matter sometimes.

How much I weigh, is relevant… but at the same not so relevant.‚ I know the last time I checked the scale it told me I was 97.3KG.‚ When I started over again in August, I came back from my holiday in the States at 101KG.‚ I didn’t feel that great about that number at all.‚ I lost 5KG in a couple of months.‚ Since then though, I have been 95KG, 97KG, 96KG, back to 97KG… basically staying the same, pretty much.

Of course I want to NOT be 95, 96 or 97 KG when I go on holiday in July.‚ As time passes and the numbers keep hovering around the same point I have to work even HARDER to convince myself that it doesn’t matter.‚ Rather, all of the other things matter.‚ That is true, for sure, but I would be lying if I said that my weight really didn’t matter.

So, yesterday, I got on the scale.‚ AFTER work mind you, but before dinner.‚ I even LOOKED for the scale and found it (DF hid it for me because it was, in fact, bumming me out and I just didn’t want to know).‚ That little, yet powerful thing told me 95.2.‚ Amazingly enough, this made me happy.‚ Strike that, I was already happy ~‚ I had a great day, I rode my bike (which I LOVE doing), I did all the things I knew were good for me.‚ I had the control.

I checked again this morning (aha… those little habits come back so quickly, don’t they?!).‚ 95.3‚ Hey, what’s an ounce, right?

I had a great day today.‚ As you can see by my food journal I stayed within points, even with a Starbucks brownie in the menu (ok, I had cup a soup for dinner, BUT, I honestly wasn’t hungry AND it was already 9:30pm by the time I arrived home.‚ Not an excuse.‚ A fact.).‚ I felt good.‚ I still do!

The little number devil on my shoulder told me to check again.‚ 95.1.‚ Yes, I admit it, I LIKE it when the numbers tell me something nice.‚

What about other numbers though?

Points.‚ Calories.‚ Minutes.‚ Steps.‚ Blocks.‚ I’m constantly counting!‚ I count the stairs at work.‚ I count the stairs at the train station.‚ I’m surprised I haven’t counted how many times I pedal around a full circle on my bike.

Size.‚ Measurements. Kilos. Stones. Ounces.

And I’m not the only one.‚ EVERYONE seems obsessed with these numbers.‚ “I want to be a size 8?‚ “I weighed 120 in high school” “I put on the Freshman 30?‚ “I want to be where I was before I had the baby”‚ It’s not WRONG to think these things.‚ It’s what we do.

All I want to remember is that these numbers don’t really matter.‚ WHAT I DO matters.‚ Would I like to get out of these damn size 48’s?‚ Yes, please!‚ Would I like to get under 200 lbs?‚ For sure!‚ But if I don’t DO what it is that I DO, those desires won’t become reality.‚ This is my reality.‚ Just what I DO.

I will eventually choose a day to have an official weigh in.‚ At that point there are a few things I will NOT do:
I will NOT get on the scale every day
I will NOT let the little machine tell me how to feel
I will NOT move the scale around from room to room until it gives me a number I like
I will NOT let it be the end all and be all of my work towards health and a slender, fit body.

As soon as I decide, I’ll be sure to post it here.

2 Responses to "A Post I wrote almost a Year Ago"

1 | vates

April 16th, 2008 at 9:03 pm

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I will NOT move the scale around from room to room until it gives me a number I like (hahaha so funny!)

ahhh numbers! great blog. Sometime numbers drive me crazy i can sit for hour counting calories, projected weight loss, bmi, calorie expenditure. blah blah blah it can drive a person maaadddd!

no more for me, i go easy on the math these days. i found when i stopped counting i started doing!

2 | velveteen

April 17th, 2008 at 1:32 pm

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I’m still counting points, but it seems that it’s easier to do it online - I have my favourites and I know how much those things “cost” me; it’s quite easy to follow the plan this way.

My brain is still tempting me to check the scale, but I’m fighting it… I don’t want the scale to trigger anything. You know… the scale says you are down so you think to yourself “I’m going to skip my workout tonight” or “I can have a few extra points, it’s OK”. The scale shows you are up so you think “Screw it, it’s not working anyway!” and order a pizza.

At this very moment I’m too obsessed about the weight loss thing. It’s bugging me. I want to cry. WHY??? Why should I cry when things are going so well? I just want to be NORMAL and not worry about this stuff. It’s so frustrating!

Thanks for your comment :)

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  • goodlife: Looks liek you've gone away with Mr Murphy. Come on back and post. Hope things are good with you. Take care. http://3fatchicks.com/diet-blogs/goodlif
  • canadianchunky: Loved the photos. I am guessing you are on the bike. You look great! And that is 202 pounds?? You wear it well! Enjoy your travels Shari
  • goodlife: hey... wish you a happy belated birthday. it's ok to be gloomy once in a while, just once in a very rare while. Cheer up girl and get out of the self-