Really, no good excuses, but plenty of reasons.

The economics of the country have also hit me a bit.

I work at home for as a webquiz project manager for a company that contracts with a very large textbook publishing company. It is an awesome job that I love and have done since 2003.

Over the years, they have bought and sold divisions of different companies. This year, they acquired another textbook division of a competing company. During the transition, things slowed immensely . . . to the point, I got really worried. Now, I live in a small town in northern NM and decent jobs are hard to come by so I have always counted my blessings for getting this job. This summer I was lucky enough to meet up with an attorney friend that I have known for many years. She needed some office help . . . specifically someone who was somewhat computer literate as she wanted some help organizing her office. I started working for her part time in September.

Surprisingly enough, even tho my other job has picked up some (but still not the hours I am used to), I am surprised to find out how much it is helping me mentally to get out of the house every day. The empty nesting has really hit me hard this time. I have decided that even if my computer job gets real busy again, I will just juggle jobs for as long as possible. Being an empty nester, it’s not like I have to be home and available to kids anymore.

On another note, we recently went to Phoenix to meet up with family. Most of my side of the family struggles with weight. My brother and his wife decided to go on WW in May. Whereas they stuck with it, I didn’t and they had both lost almost 35 lbs. They looked GREAT! Luckily, I have maintained the 13 lb. weight loss from earlier this summer, but if I just had stuck with it . . . maybe I would have been closer to where I want to be!

Ok, so here I go again . . .

I am finally going to read Judith Beck’s book and put it to use.

I have a niece getting married in December. My goal is to stay on plan until then.

I have NEVER stayed within my points for this long and I am feeling pretty good about it and fairly strong and likely to continue. I really think that while I am feeling ok, I do need to start working on some of my mind issues so I started reading Judith Beck’s diet solution book again and I am going to start that. I will post my Advantage Responses sometime today.

From my previous experience with this book and in the spirit of how I have approached weight loss this time around, I am going to do it in babysteps as well. The thought of doing a task per day is a little overwhelming, so I will do it just like I have done WW, a little bit at a time with no set time table for taking another step . . . just when I feel comfortable with what I am doing and ready to add another one.

Not too bad. I felt the weekend got a little out of control. There wasn’t enough consistency and some not great food choices, but I did stay within my points.

Between the AP, WPA and my points, I felt I had enough to eat w/o feeling terribly deprived. That was good b/c it really helped me not to binge!

I just kept thinking that the line between feeling in control and feeling out of control is just so very very thin and that I just couldn’t lose control so early in this game because I am not sure how long it would take me to regain it.

In the end, it was only b/c I knew I have committed myself to journal in this blog that stopped me. This really is better than a private journal. Even if no one looks at it . . . just the thought that someone might is just enough accountability to keep me more honest, espeically since I am determined to be more honest with myself.

I found my Beck diet solution book today. I bought it quite some time back and made it through just a few days of the program. I think maybe it is time to start working on some of my mind issues and that is probably a good place to start.

Happily, the day turned out ok. The plusses are I stayed within my points (although I had french fries at 2 meals), it was my DHs turn to cook (alright, he ordered out in the end, but I still didn’t have to cook :-)) and I went on a nice 1 1/2 hour long hike that was so beautiful and rejuvenating. I went with a friend with whom my relationship has seemed a little strained for a few months and we actually had a very pleasant time.

 All in all, it started out crummy and ended very nice. I’m glad I didn’t ruin it with a binge!

Also, a milestone . . .

I work at home. In my home office, I have a closet behind my desk. When I am in binge mode, I keep a bag hidden in the closet to hold the trash where no one can see it. It has been many months since a whole week has gone by and I haven’t had to sneak out a trash bag full of junk food wrappers, but there was no bag to take out this week!

Yay for me! :-) :-):-):-)

1/3 C. grated parmesan cheese
1 T. flour
1/2 oz cooked turkey bacon
3 cloves garlic
3/4 C. white wine
3/4 C. 1% milk
4 oz. boneless smoked salmon, chopped

Toss parmesan cheese with flour in small bowl and set aside.
In a small saucepan, saute the bacon briefly with the garlic. Add the wine and bring it to a boil and reduce by half. Add milk and bring it almost a boil. Add salmon and the parmesan & flour mixture and stir just until thickened.

Serve over pasta and garnish with parsley. I like to serve this with sauteed asparagus, sliced tomatoes & garlic toast.

Notes: I would love to add green peas to my Carbonara, but my family doesn’t like it that way as much I do. If you do add peas the points value may change.

Enjoy!

Day 7

One of my new favorite breakfasts is yogurt & an egg in a nest for a points value of 7.

I used to make eggs in the nest occasionally when my kids were little and they thought they were cool. But I was having a dilemma b/c I wanted eggs & toast for breakfast but if I did it the way I wanted, it would typically be 2 eggs, 2 pieces of toast and 2 tsp. of butter for a points value 8 (or 10 if I used white bread). However, with 1 egg in the nest plus yogurt, fruit & nuts, I feel perfectly satisfied and it is a pretty good breakfast on the go type meal.

In case you are unfamiliar with these, it is just an egg cooked in a hole made into a piece of bread.

I use a 2” cookie cutter and cut hole in the middle of the bread (I use Rudi’s organic 7-grain + flax and it is yummy). I melt ½ tsp. butter in a very small fry pan (it is either 6 or 8”) and surprisingly it looks like a quite a bit. I then rub the little bread hole piece in the butter on both sides, which butters the hole piece nicely but still  leaves a thin coat of fat on the fry pan. I put in the bread, crack an egg into the hole, lift the bread slightly to let a little bit of the egg white run out the bottom (otherwise the white sometimes doesn’t cook completely) and cook on both sides until it is done to how I like it. I cook the butter covered little hole in the pan at the same time and let it toast on both sides. It is very buttery & yummy.

My teenage daughter also loves loves loves these, even with the high fiber bread and she doesn’t notice that I use just a teeny bit of butter.

I have a carbonara sauce that I make that is very easy, but when I double checked the points last night, it was 8 points for one teeney little serving. I lightened it up a bit and you know what? Nobody noticed! I’ll post the recipe here shortly.

Day 6

Today is day 6 of my program.

 The first 3 days, I focused on tracking and staying within my points only, not worrying too much about the quality of my food choices. By Monday, I felt ready to add exercise and some of WW healthy guidelines. So, for the rest of the week my goals are:

Count & track points
Drink water
Eat required fruits & vegs.
1/2 of grains as whole grains
Exercise

I have 5 little smiley face stickers on the calendar next to my computer and it feels really good to look over and see that I have actually met my goals for the past 5 days. Not an easy task for this fat girl!

I had planned for 1 cookie from Subway, but they gave me 2. I was home alone when I ate my lunch and tried to resist the 2nd cookie, but in the end, I folded and ate it. I was playing my typical mind games trying to justify only counting it as 1 (I was thinking they looked smaller than normal and maybe b/c of that, they are now giving out 2). After having a little talk with my inner brat, I am being accountable. Yay me!