Changes - A fat girl’s mind trip

I woke up this a.m. feeling pretty crummy and out of sorts . . . the kind of day that would typically send me into binge mode.

I just kept thinking that the line between feeling in control and feeling out of control is just so very very thin and that I just couldn’t lose control so early in this game because I am not sure how long it would take me to regain it.

In the end, it was only b/c I knew I have committed myself to journal in this blog that stopped me. This really is better than a private journal. Even if no one looks at it . . . just the thought that someone might is just enough accountability to keep me more honest, espeically since I am determined to be more honest with myself.

I found my Beck diet solution book today. I bought it quite some time back and made it through just a few days of the program. I think maybe it is time to start working on some of my mind issues and that is probably a good place to start.

Happily, the day turned out ok. The plusses are I stayed within my points (although I had french fries at 2 meals), it was my DHs turn to cook (alright, he ordered out in the end, but I still didn’t have to cook :-)) and I went on a nice 1 1/2 hour long hike that was so beautiful and rejuvenating. I went with a friend with whom my relationship has seemed a little strained for a few months and we actually had a very pleasant time.

 All in all, it started out crummy and ended very nice. I’m glad I didn’t ruin it with a binge!

Also, a milestone . . .

I work at home. In my home office, I have a closet behind my desk. When I am in binge mode, I keep a bag hidden in the closet to hold the trash where no one can see it. It has been many months since a whole week has gone by and I haven’t had to sneak out a trash bag full of junk food wrappers, but there was no bag to take out this week!

Yay for me! :-) :-):-):-)