Changes - A fat girl’s mind trip

Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Morning
1/4 cup 1% low-fat milk, 0.5
1  cup cooked oatmeal, 2
1  Tbsp dried currants, 0.5
1  tsp unpacked brown sugar, 0
Midday
1/2 cup Black Beans, 1
1  small potato(es), baked, 1.5
1  oz Mexican four cheese shreds, 2
1  cup cantaloupe, 1
1/2 Southwest Crockpot Stew, 1
Evening
1/2 item Ciabatta Bread, 3
1/2 cup avocado, 4.5
oven fries - Quick-added food, 4
coleslaw w/light dressing - Quick-added food, 2
1/2 item cooked chicken fillet, 1.5
1  slice Sliced Lite Cheese, 1
Anytime
1  cup fat-free ice cream, sweetened with sugar, 3.5
Food POINTS values total used, 29
Food POINTS values remaining, 0
Activity
60 min walking, brisk, 5
Activity POINTS values earned, 5

Day 6

I SOMETIMES have a perfectionist attitude and SOMETIMES try to keep things a little too structured. Well, it hasn’t helped me lose weight these past oh so many years so I decided to do it completely different this time. I am going to take babysteps and I am going to quit beating myself up when I am not perfectly doing what I think I should be doing.

Today is day 6 of my program.

 The first 3 days, I focused on tracking and staying within my points only, not worrying too much about the quality of my food choices. By Monday, I felt ready to add exercise and some of WW healthy guidelines. So, for the rest of the week my goals are:

Count & track points
Drink water
Eat required fruits & vegs.
1/2 of grains as whole grains
Exercise

I have 5 little smiley face stickers on the calendar next to my computer and it feels really good to look over and see that I have actually met my goals for the past 5 days. Not an easy task for this fat girl!

Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Morning
1/4 cup 1% low-fat milk (0.5)
1  cup cooked oatmeal (2)
3/4 Tbsp chopped walnuts (1)
1  Tbsp dried currants (0.5)
Midday
1  Subway 6-inch Sweet Onion Chicken Teriyaki Sub (7)
2  Subway White Chocolate Macadamia Nut Cookie (10)
Evening
1/2 cup Black Beans (1)
1  6-inch flour tortilla(s) (2)
1  cup cooked zucchini (0)
1  cup cantaloupe (1)
3/4 oz Mexican four cheese shreds (1.5)
1/2 serving Southwest Crockpot Stew (1)
Anytime
Whole wheat lf banana bread (3)
1/3 oz bittersweet chocolate (1)
1  cup 1% low-fat milk (2)
1  medium marshmallow(s) (0.5)
Food POINTS values total used (35.5)
Food POINTS values remaining 0
Activity
60 min walking, brisk (5)
Activity POINTS values swapped (5)
WPA used: (1.5)

I had planned for 1 cookie from Subway, but they gave me 2. I was home alone when I ate my lunch and tried to resist the 2nd cookie, but in the end, I folded and ate it. I was playing my typical mind games trying to justify only counting it as 1 (I was thinking they looked smaller than normal and maybe b/c of that, they are now giving out 2). After having a little talk with my inner brat, I am being accountable. Yay me!

My Menu for Monday, July 28, 2008
Morning
Whole grain wheat English muffin (2)
1  large egg(s) (2)
1/2 oz cooked crisp turkey bacon (0.5)
1  slice Reduced fat 2% American cheese (2)
Midday
Gourmet on the Go/Pasta (4)
1  Yogurt w/Blueberries & nuts (3)
Evening
3  oz Pork, tenderloin, cooked (3)
1  cup mixed greens (0)
1  large potato(es), baked (3)
1  cup pineapple (1)
1  tsp grated Parmesan cheese (0)
1  tsp unsalted butter (1)
Anytime
Vegs/beans/edamame (3)
1/3 cup aerosol whipped cream (1)
2  servings home made Vanilla Pudding (6.5)
Total points used (32)
3 WPA used
Activity - None

I have a REALLY hard time sticking to a diet. I think I will start posting my daily menus, but it seems a little cumbersome to go back and do it. I took a screenshot of my weekly usage chart. I think I did very well for the first 3 days. 

I just signed up for 3 months of WW online. Ah yes, WW and I have had a torrid affair over the years so maybe I am crazy for another attempt. 

My introduction to WW was as a teen. I had an overweight friend whose sister and cousin were going to join along with her obese mother. I felt overweight at 136 lbs. My friend’s sister lost a good amount of weight and looked absolutely healthy and gorgeous throughout high school. The rest of us didn’t stick with it.

However, over the years I have constantly been drawn back. In between I would try other stuff . . . starvation, ultra low calories, drugs, non-dieting, SB, low carb, low fat, nasty tasting meal replacement shakes, other low carb, calorie counting and on and on and on and on. Obviously, none of these has been successful and some were downright unhealthy. In the end, I am once again choosing WW, but don’t think for one minute that the following quote didn’t come to mind . . . 

“Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”
–Albert Einstein

However, I finally concluded that even tho the program was the same, I don’t have to approach it in the same way. This time I am going to not only work on eating in a healthy manner, but work on some of my mental issues as well. I am going to work through some of the perfectionism issues and all or nothing attitudes. I am going to quit lying to myself and others about my food intake. I am going to quit binge eating and eating in secret. Instead, I am focusing on this quote that I once saw at a WW meeting . . . 

“You haven’t failed until you fail to try”
 
WW has many benefits. I like that you can pick what types of food you choose to eat. I like both the Flex plan and the Core plan and am comfortable with the points. I like that it is normal everyday food that can be worked around my lifestyle. Mostly, I really like that your progress is over a week, not day by day, which at times would feed in to my all or nothing thinking.

We do have one WW meeting in our little town. I have decided that I would prefer to do the online thing, tho, for two reasons: 

1. There is a woman that attends the meeting that makes me uncomfortable. We were friends at one time, many many years ago when I was much thinner than I am now. My husband and I moved away for a number of years and we lost touch. When I came back, I was significantly larger than when I left. I attended a WW meeting and this woman was there. I greeted her and she looked at me like I was crazy. Now, granted, she may not have recognized me b/c of the weight gain, but I know that over time, she did finally recognize who I was and still chose not to acknowledge our past relationship. I know I would feel different if I had a buddy to attend with, but I don’t. Silly? Maybe, but I don’t care.
2. After all the dieting nonsense I have put my family through, I would really prefer to make some good progress before mentioning anything to anybody that I am close to.

I have actually been looking for a blog site where I would feel safe blogging about my weight loss (I almost wrote “attempt at weight loss this time” but begone bad attitude!). I am pleased that 3fatchicks has this blog site. I plan to use it for accountability. Not that I plan or expect it to be viewed, but if there is a slight chance someone will stop by, I will be more likely to be on my best behavior!

I will be doing WW and am interested in just staying on program for an extended length of time. I am also hoping that journaling will help me work on my many mental stumbling blocks.