Changes - A fat girl’s mind trip

I have stayed within my WW points for 15 days straight now. Yay me!

I have NEVER stayed within my points for this long and I am feeling pretty good about it and fairly strong and likely to continue. I really think that while I am feeling ok, I do need to start working on some of my mind issues so I started reading Judith Beck’s diet solution book again and I am going to start that. I will post my Advantage Responses sometime today.

From my previous experience with this book and in the spirit of how I have approached weight loss this time around, I am going to do it in babysteps as well. The thought of doing a task per day is a little overwhelming, so I will do it just like I have done WW, a little bit at a time with no set time table for taking another step . . . just when I feel comfortable with what I am doing and ready to add another one.

Not too bad. I felt the weekend got a little out of control. There wasn’t enough consistency and some not great food choices, but I did stay within my points.

Between the AP, WPA and my points, I felt I had enough to eat w/o feeling terribly deprived. That was good b/c it really helped me not to binge!

I woke up this a.m. feeling pretty crummy and out of sorts . . . the kind of day that would typically send me into binge mode.

I just kept thinking that the line between feeling in control and feeling out of control is just so very very thin and that I just couldn’t lose control so early in this game because I am not sure how long it would take me to regain it.

In the end, it was only b/c I knew I have committed myself to journal in this blog that stopped me. This really is better than a private journal. Even if no one looks at it . . . just the thought that someone might is just enough accountability to keep me more honest, espeically since I am determined to be more honest with myself.

I found my Beck diet solution book today. I bought it quite some time back and made it through just a few days of the program. I think maybe it is time to start working on some of my mind issues and that is probably a good place to start.

Happily, the day turned out ok. The plusses are I stayed within my points (although I had french fries at 2 meals), it was my DHs turn to cook (alright, he ordered out in the end, but I still didn’t have to cook :-)) and I went on a nice 1 1/2 hour long hike that was so beautiful and rejuvenating. I went with a friend with whom my relationship has seemed a little strained for a few months and we actually had a very pleasant time.

 All in all, it started out crummy and ended very nice. I’m glad I didn’t ruin it with a binge!

Also, a milestone . . .

I work at home. In my home office, I have a closet behind my desk. When I am in binge mode, I keep a bag hidden in the closet to hold the trash where no one can see it. It has been many months since a whole week has gone by and I haven’t had to sneak out a trash bag full of junk food wrappers, but there was no bag to take out this week!

Yay for me! :-) :-):-):-)

Serves 4
3 points per serving

1/3 C. grated parmesan cheese
1 T. flour
1/2 oz cooked turkey bacon
3 cloves garlic
3/4 C. white wine
3/4 C. 1% milk
4 oz. boneless smoked salmon, chopped

Toss parmesan cheese with flour in small bowl and set aside.
In a small saucepan, saute the bacon briefly with the garlic. Add the wine and bring it to a boil and reduce by half. Add milk and bring it almost a boil. Add salmon and the parmesan & flour mixture and stir just until thickened.

Serve over pasta and garnish with parsley. I like to serve this with sauteed asparagus, sliced tomatoes & garlic toast.

Notes: I would love to add green peas to my Carbonara, but my family doesn’t like it that way as much I do. If you do add peas the points value may change.

Enjoy!

Thursday, July 31, 2008
Morning
3/4 Tbsp chopped walnuts, 1
1/2 cup Plain, 1.5
1  cup blueberries, 1
1  slice high-fiber bread, 1
1  large egg(s), 2
1/2 tsp butter, 0.5
Midday
Turkey w/cheese half sand & salad – from restaurant so points estimated, 10
Evening
1  cup cooked spaghetti, 4
1  cup cooked asparagus, 0
1  tsp olive oil, 1
1  srvg. Carbonara sauce with smoked salmon, 3
Anytime
banana split - Quick-added food, 9
Food POINTS values total used, 34
Food POINTS values remaining, 0
Activity
60 min walking, brisk, 5
Activity POINTS values used, 5

Day 7

One of my new favorite breakfasts is yogurt & an egg in a nest for a points value of 7.

I used to make eggs in the nest occasionally when my kids were little and they thought they were cool. But I was having a dilemma b/c I wanted eggs & toast for breakfast but if I did it the way I wanted, it would typically be 2 eggs, 2 pieces of toast and 2 tsp. of butter for a points value 8 (or 10 if I used white bread). However, with 1 egg in the nest plus yogurt, fruit & nuts, I feel perfectly satisfied and it is a pretty good breakfast on the go type meal.

In case you are unfamiliar with these, it is just an egg cooked in a hole made into a piece of bread.

I use a 2” cookie cutter and cut hole in the middle of the bread (I use Rudi’s organic 7-grain + flax and it is yummy). I melt ½ tsp. butter in a very small fry pan (it is either 6 or 8”) and surprisingly it looks like a quite a bit. I then rub the little bread hole piece in the butter on both sides, which butters the hole piece nicely but still  leaves a thin coat of fat on the fry pan. I put in the bread, crack an egg into the hole, lift the bread slightly to let a little bit of the egg white run out the bottom (otherwise the white sometimes doesn’t cook completely) and cook on both sides until it is done to how I like it. I cook the butter covered little hole in the pan at the same time and let it toast on both sides. It is very buttery & yummy.

My teenage daughter also loves loves loves these, even with the high fiber bread and she doesn’t notice that I use just a teeny bit of butter.

I have a carbonara sauce that I make that is very easy, but when I double checked the points last night, it was 8 points for one teeney little serving. I lightened it up a bit and you know what? Nobody noticed! I’ll post the recipe here shortly.

Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Morning
1/4 cup 1% low-fat milk, 0.5
1  cup cooked oatmeal, 2
1  Tbsp dried currants, 0.5
1  tsp unpacked brown sugar, 0
Midday
1/2 cup Black Beans, 1
1  small potato(es), baked, 1.5
1  oz Mexican four cheese shreds, 2
1  cup cantaloupe, 1
1/2 Southwest Crockpot Stew, 1
Evening
1/2 item Ciabatta Bread, 3
1/2 cup avocado, 4.5
oven fries - Quick-added food, 4
coleslaw w/light dressing - Quick-added food, 2
1/2 item cooked chicken fillet, 1.5
1  slice Sliced Lite Cheese, 1
Anytime
1  cup fat-free ice cream, sweetened with sugar, 3.5
Food POINTS values total used, 29
Food POINTS values remaining, 0
Activity
60 min walking, brisk, 5
Activity POINTS values earned, 5

Day 6

I SOMETIMES have a perfectionist attitude and SOMETIMES try to keep things a little too structured. Well, it hasn’t helped me lose weight these past oh so many years so I decided to do it completely different this time. I am going to take babysteps and I am going to quit beating myself up when I am not perfectly doing what I think I should be doing.

Today is day 6 of my program.

 The first 3 days, I focused on tracking and staying within my points only, not worrying too much about the quality of my food choices. By Monday, I felt ready to add exercise and some of WW healthy guidelines. So, for the rest of the week my goals are:

Count & track points
Drink water
Eat required fruits & vegs.
1/2 of grains as whole grains
Exercise

I have 5 little smiley face stickers on the calendar next to my computer and it feels really good to look over and see that I have actually met my goals for the past 5 days. Not an easy task for this fat girl!

Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Morning
1/4 cup 1% low-fat milk (0.5)
1  cup cooked oatmeal (2)
3/4 Tbsp chopped walnuts (1)
1  Tbsp dried currants (0.5)
Midday
1  Subway 6-inch Sweet Onion Chicken Teriyaki Sub (7)
2  Subway White Chocolate Macadamia Nut Cookie (10)
Evening
1/2 cup Black Beans (1)
1  6-inch flour tortilla(s) (2)
1  cup cooked zucchini (0)
1  cup cantaloupe (1)
3/4 oz Mexican four cheese shreds (1.5)
1/2 serving Southwest Crockpot Stew (1)
Anytime
Whole wheat lf banana bread (3)
1/3 oz bittersweet chocolate (1)
1  cup 1% low-fat milk (2)
1  medium marshmallow(s) (0.5)
Food POINTS values total used (35.5)
Food POINTS values remaining 0
Activity
60 min walking, brisk (5)
Activity POINTS values swapped (5)
WPA used: (1.5)

I had planned for 1 cookie from Subway, but they gave me 2. I was home alone when I ate my lunch and tried to resist the 2nd cookie, but in the end, I folded and ate it. I was playing my typical mind games trying to justify only counting it as 1 (I was thinking they looked smaller than normal and maybe b/c of that, they are now giving out 2). After having a little talk with my inner brat, I am being accountable. Yay me!

My Menu for Monday, July 28, 2008
Morning
Whole grain wheat English muffin (2)
1  large egg(s) (2)
1/2 oz cooked crisp turkey bacon (0.5)
1  slice Reduced fat 2% American cheese (2)
Midday
Gourmet on the Go/Pasta (4)
1  Yogurt w/Blueberries & nuts (3)
Evening
3  oz Pork, tenderloin, cooked (3)
1  cup mixed greens (0)
1  large potato(es), baked (3)
1  cup pineapple (1)
1  tsp grated Parmesan cheese (0)
1  tsp unsalted butter (1)
Anytime
Vegs/beans/edamame (3)
1/3 cup aerosol whipped cream (1)
2  servings home made Vanilla Pudding (6.5)
Total points used (32)
3 WPA used
Activity - None

I have a REALLY hard time sticking to a diet. I think I will start posting my daily menus, but it seems a little cumbersome to go back and do it. I took a screenshot of my weekly usage chart. I think I did very well for the first 3 days.