Less of Josephine.

Veganomicon-inspired sweet potato and bean quesadilla with hot sauce. I used select bits of the bean salad I already had (namely I tried to scoop mostly the red kidney beans, white kidney beans, onions, and green peppers). Salsa and shredded romaine on the side. This went down like greased-lightning, nom nom nom.

Oh look, it’s Monday again, time to wrassle the scale into submission and gauge my progress so far. As of this morning, I (still) weigh 159, which is a -2.6 pound loss for the week and puts me -48.8 pounds down in 15 weeks. Perhaps I celebrated one-fiddy-nine a little too much, because my body has held steady at that weight since Thursday. Not that I’m not thrilled to be in the 150s, I’m just ready to see the next lower number, please. Of course, I know I’ve been terribly spoiled by such steady losses and I have no right to complain at all. And I’m not complaining — I’m just urging and cajoling more fat to leave my body. I’m like the “Fat Whisperer”, I’m going to remain calm and assertive and demonstrate that I am the leader of this pack of fat. I make the rules and I’m in charge. And I’m only going to reward behavior I approve of: like seeing 158-anything on the scale.

My mom always made this dish at family BBQs but I was always too busy stuffing my face with potato chips and dip to ever really notice and appreciate this cold bean salad. It just always looked too healthy and too vegetabley for me to waste my time on. Ha ha ha! Oh, the times they are a-changing! I got the recipe from her last night and whipped it up and even though you’re supposed to wait “overnight” (24 hours) to enjoy, I dove right into the bowl for dinner. If you love beans, this is The Yum. I can see lots of ways to change it up for the future, too — namely different veggies and different dressing. But for as simple as the basic recipe is, it’s very, very tasty and refreshing. I made some small modifications to Mom’s original recipe (to cut back on calories) and I’ve noted those changes with asterisks.

Overnight Bean Salad

1 package frozen green peas (run ‘em under water to thaw a bit)
1 can green beans (regular cut, not French cut, drained)
1 can red kidney bean (drained and rinsed)
1 can cannellini beans (drained and rinsed)
1 can white whole kernel corn (drained)
1 cup diced celery
1 medium to large onion, diced (I went with large, I love onion)
1/2 cup diced green peppers
3/4 cup white vinegar
2 tbs “salad oil” [*I used just 1 tbs EVOO]
1/2 cup sugar [*I used just two packets of Stevia for zero calories]
2 tsp water [*I didn't add any extra water, it didn't seem needed]
1 1/2 tsp salt [*I used just 1 tsp salt]
1/2 tsp paprika

In a large bowl, combine all vegetables.

In a small, separate bowl combine the vinegar, oil, stevia (or sugar or whatever you’re using), salt, and paprika and combine thoroughly. Pour over veggies and toss. Cover and refrigerate at least 24 hours, stirring occasionally. I can tell you it didn’t take 24 hours for this to taste like bean bliss. And so simple.

As of this morning, I’m out of the 160s and into the 150s! Oh, 159 you are so sweet. And I’m creeping up on the 50 pounds lost milestone (currently at -48.8!) Do I look happy?

But I do. Every time I sneak into the Living Maintenance forum (on 3FatChicks.com) I get chills. Most of the good people in that forum claim that maintenance is harder than losing weight (check out this thread for some good maintenance topic reads.) Seriously? I thought the only thing harder than losing weight would be climbing Everest without oxygen. Or possibly trying to find scripted shows on television while avoiding reality-show hell (stop inflicting the Lohans on me, please, I beg you!). Hence my fears. And of course while I’ve lost weight many times before, I’ve got a big, fat FAIL grade in the maintenance column. I keep trying to mentally prepare myself to recognize potential pitfalls. Will I lose motivation? Will I screw up my good habits? Will I get complacent? Will I have to repeat this whole process? Will I sit down on the couch with a giant bag of Ruffles and never get up again? I really need to stay focused on the fact that the changes I’ve made are permanent. I’m not “on a diet” and there is no “going off the diet”. As a binge eater, I will always have a dysfunctional relationship with food that I will need to manage in order to stay healthy and be happy. So while maybe Firehair, White Queen of the Indians needn’t worry about eating too much yucca or corn and outgrowing her hot little buckskin number, I do. And I always will.

I’m still in the groove on this lovely Monday morning (also known as my “official” weigh-in day) and the scale shows it. Today I am 161.6 which is a -3.2 pound loss for the week and puts me down -46.2 pounds for 14 weeks. I’m happy, I’m thrilled, I’m overjoyed, I’m — sing it with me — feelin’ groovy!

Slow down, you move too fast,
you’ve got to make the morning last
Just kickin’ down the cobble-stones, lookin’ for fun
and feelin’ groovy!

Yesterday I hit the 100 Days Completely On Plan With No Binges and Tons of Exercise milestone. And during this 100 Days I haven’t put a SINGLE thing in my mouth that wasn’t selected for health and wasn’t planned, counted (usually several times), and documented in advance. I mean NOTHING. I’ve been as strict as strict could be.

So the irony is thick that a good part of Day 100 was spent in the grocery store struggling against the urge to buy a package of “Newman O’s” (just like Oreos except vegan, organic, and yummier).

I saw them from across the aisle and I heard their sweet siren song. I casually wandered over to the display and began reading the back of the package. Two cookies = 130 calories. And plenty of sugar and fat — they are COOKIES for cripe’s sakes. But I put them into my shopping cart anyway thinking, “I’ll have 2 on the weekend as a special treat, I can spend 130 calories for a treat on the weekends!”

Then I took them out of the cart and put them back on the shelf thinking, “Why would you introduce 130 calories of nutritionally void sugar and fat to your diet now? You shouldn’t “treat” with food! You know better! Haven’t you learned ANYTHING?”.

I rebel against my logical self and two packages go into the cart, “I deserve them! I want them! I will have them!”

Out of the cart, “You’ll overeat them. You don’t need them. It’s a bad habit to start eating junk calories now! Get a grip, sister!”

Into the cart, “Chocolate mint creme flavor, MUST have! Want, want, WANT!”

Out of the cart, “You should eat fruit instead! You haven’t eaten anything remotely like a cookie in over 100 days, don’t start NOW you idiot!”

In the cart, “I can control myself, I SWEAR! I promise not to wolf down a whole row in the car on the way home! Belieeeeeeeeve me!”

Out of the cart, “STOP THIS! THEY WILL TRIGGER A BINGE!”

Then I left the store. WITHOUT the damn cookies and WITH some strawberries, which I ate later and really enjoyed (both emotionally and physically).

It just goes to show you, even after 100 days I can still have a monumentally ridiculous struggle with myself. I stood with those cookies for AT LEAST 20 minutes. I mean seriously, that’s just unreal. And of course NOW I’m very, very glad I didn’t get them. A whole package in the house spells nothing but trouble for me. But man, there are days when it is HARD!

Okay, not at the disco. More like panic in my head. Here’s the situation: I really feel like I am adjusting well to this lifestyle I’ve adopted. My goal all along has been to make changes in both eating and activity that are SUSTAINABLE for life. And minus a bit of double-workout fever that might not always be practical during a busy life, I’ve been successful. I love the food I’m eating and I love the sports I’m into. But I do have one area where I still need work: I panic a bit (ok, ALOT) when I feel full. And I feel full and satisfied after pretty much every meal! That’s a lot of irrational panic and I can’t quite seem to quell it. After eating I will add up and then re-add (ad infinitum) the calories and look at my daily meal plan with great suspicion as if someone padded it with hidden food. It’s stupid. It’s ridiculous. It’s dysfunctional. But there it is. Like a big turd on the dining room table, it is impossible to ignore.

I don’t like this feeling. DO NOT LIKE! Food is not my enemy and I want to be able to relax and enjoy the feeling of satiation after a nice meal, for goodness sake! But I don’t seem to be there yet. I don’t even see my stop on the horizon and I’m ready to get off the panic bus NOW. I’m such a freak, right? *Sigh*

… of these babies. Roast ‘em in bulk, gobble them up all week.

As always, Monday is my “official” weekly weigh-in extravaganza. So you can imagine the stress around my house on Sunday nights. I mean it is seriously TENSE here, what with the ritual sacrificing of rutabagas to the Scale Gods and the attempts to trim off extra bits of fat from my butt with a butter knife. It’s not a pretty scene I can tell you.

This morning I weigh 164.8 which is a -4 pound loss for the week and puts me at -43 pounds down for the 13 weeks worth of fat scraping and vegetable sacrifices.