Last weekend was an experience and I don’t think I can do it again. I have a friend, whom I will call AA. AA and I went to Paso Robles and Grover Beach to visit friends. We went to Paso to help a friend with an Earth Day event. I have been sick but I wanted to be a good friend so I went anyway. OHMYGOD! I have been friends with AA for over 25 years and know back in my mind that she drinks like a sailor. Now she has added pot smoking to her list of bad habits. She is a college educated woman and has had her own insurance business for 15 years yet she parties like a 21 year old college student. I spent the entire weekend babysitting her as she drank like a fish. She did not help out her friend with the Earth Day event. I ended up doing everything. She got drunk and stoned all weekend. It was exhausting. Her husband has not been a good husband to her, long story but I am beginning to think that maybe he is tired of taking care of his wife. But he drinks (has threee DUI’s - one his sister was killed) and smokes pot. I don’t get it.
I decided I love AA but cannot be a caretaker for her again. It is too much. I don’t let her drive when we are together. I don’t know what else to do. It is sad.
I did not student teach last monday and tuesday. I needed to stay home and take care of ME! Shock of the century. I slept alot and plan on sleeping more. I am just tired and I know it is my fault. I have taken on too much and have not been taking care of me. I am still wangling for a vacation although BF just told me he is thinking of NOT taking a promotion at work that will pay him $3500 a month more. Some bullshit about them not giving him a car. I don’t believe it. His boss is dying to promote him. He also told me he is thinking about switching back to swing shift because of the commute. WHATEVER! These choices benefit him ONLY. Swing shift schedule means we only see each other three times a week. But it is less work for him bc everyone goes home at 5. Not taking the promotion means less work for him and doing the same job he has been doing for 18 years. I get tired of being the only person in my relationships with any ambition. Is it me or is it the men? I have a lot of friends whose husbands or boyfriends are the same. Hell, some of their men don’t work at all! Maybe it’s California. I don’t know. I just know I feel disappointed. Oh well, it is not the first time. I want to be able to have weekends off together and do things like normal couples do. Not have him work all weekend and me be alone. Sure, he gets off of work on Saturday and home by 4:30. He has to be back to work the next afternoon by 1:30 so it is not like we can go anywhere!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Well, I have said my piece, he knows how I feel. I asked him to take the promotion because it would mean weekends off. FINALLY! But it doesn’t look like it will happen. He doesn’t have to give a definitive answer until June. So —- I will have to wait!
On WW weigh in day, I lost 4.6 pounds. It was about time. I hit a plateau big time and I am not sure how much past it I am. But I will continue to chug along because I know eventually I will fall off that plateau and back in the game again.
I Get By With A Little Help From My Friends
iniya
April 27th, 2008 at 10:14 pm
Good to hear that you slept and took some rest.
Your friend and her hubby are unbelievable. Okay, that is my opinion only. Maybe they have their own demons to fight and trying to cope in this way. However that is no reason at all for you to bear their load. It is uncanny how again and again people of this kind find and guilt the strong ones to carry their load. All I am trying to say is that it is good decision on your part to not be her caretaker again. Now don’t let them or anyone waver you from this decision.
One more nosy suggestion.
Maybe, just maybe your boyfriend is anxious that he wont be able to do the work that will follow his promotion. If his boss wants to give him a promotion worth $3500 more per month, then he must be worth it. Maybe he is not ambitious but he definitely is worthy of the promotion. Maybe, just maybe it might help if you can get him to talk what’s bothering him and bolster his confidence a bit. Since you have the ambition and the clear vision, perhaps loan a bit of that to him, Isn’t that being a couple? trying to compensate for each other’s weakness a bit?
Please don’t be angry with me, ok? I am not in a couple and not soemone who can give relatiionship advice. But still my two cents here.
Lots of love and take care,
iniya
iniya
April 27th, 2008 at 10:15 pm
PS 4.6 lbs mean you are off the plateau? isn’t it? Anyway congratulations!!!
rubyjean
April 28th, 2008 at 7:24 am
I say this not knowing you well, so forgive me, truly… but the first thing that came to my mind was run! Run like the wind! Living with disappointment like that kills romance and hurts your own soul. It is my personal experience that a man’s lack of ambition is likely permanent feature of his nature. He must have other great qualities (kindness, humour, loves you, spoils you, honest, smart), and if he does, you can stick it out, make concessions, but if not….
Iniya’s message is far more positive.
Congratulatins on breaking through that plateau. 4.5 lbs is major!
I also think you made a good decision about not care-taking your friend. So sad for her.
Take Care dear lady - and apoligies if I said too much.
anngirl
April 28th, 2008 at 6:56 pm
Congrats ms. bobbie on bustin that plateau! I heard that shit pop all the way o’er here while chewin on my beloved bbq rib! Right on sister.
Now as far as that man goes. Shit, like an asshole everybody’s got an opinion and Anniegirl is the biggest ASS so here it is - my ex husband had NO ambition. It led to the DEMISE of our relationship because that fucker never could get his shit together and when you’re makin it in this world its better to be alone than be saddled with a man who…. ok I’ll stop there. I am alone - I know - but I’m grateful that I don’t have an albatross around my neck. I know a guy with no drive at this age when I want kids would mean endless arguing and strife. No thanks. I’d rather be alone. But dear Bobbie - it took me a good 10 years to end my marriage….
I got a head like a brick.
All I can say is be good to yourself - and when you think about that real hard you’ll know what to do…. IF you’re ready, willing and able.
Life can be so complicated.
It definitely ain’t no picnic.
Now if you’ll excuse me - the whip cream on my ice box pie is starting to wilt….
love ya homegirl - be good and stay strong!
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
lostchick
April 29th, 2008 at 2:57 pm
ok I’ve got 2 words for you chicky
Voodoo Dolls.
hmmm where have I heard that advice before?????
really it’s time to check the list for positives & negatives which side has the most checks. Yes I know sooo 4th grade and easier said than done.
Hugs!
islandgrl
May 4th, 2008 at 2:23 pm
Congrats on the 4.5 pound loss girl!
As for the BF, I find that as the years go on and women in general become more successful in good careers vs the tradition jobs of women years ago ie: waitress, hairdresser etc
and are making damn good money, that men have slacked off. It is like they now need someone to also financially look after them, not just mother them anymore.
Or do successful women just draw these types of men?
My DH is a wonderful guy, will give you the shirt of his back, will do anything I want of him EXCEPT better himself. He also has no ambition to do anything but sit in his office in the shed and vegetate. I get so disgusted that it truly affects our relationship.
And no bad thoughts about waitress and hairdressers, God knows how hard you all work, just that they were the more traditional job of the past.
lostchick
May 5th, 2008 at 9:24 am
Girl power that men can’t handle anymore that’s all it is Bobbie
Nice save there at the end island girl (hehe)
Mine DH is starting to get a glimmer of inspiration, I could only hope.