So, I was with my skinny friends Jan and Julie, you would hate them because they are thin and beautiful but you can’t because they are so flipping nice it hurts.  I guess that’s why they are my friends.  I was listening to them talking about how they “forget” to eat?  How in the hell does one “forget” to eat?  I mean I have worked 60 hours a week, spent 20 hours doing homework and gone to college full time and never have I “forgot” to eat!!!  Is this the secret to being skinny?   Jan is 5′10 and is a size four - not kidding.  Julie is 5′3 and a size 2.  When she got divorced, she almost disappeared because she was too depressed to eat.  When I got divorced I ate everything in sight and gained weight.  My grandmother told me she couldn’t believe I gained weight.  What was wrong with me, she said.  I should have lost weight.  Sorry grandma - it doesn’t work that way for me.  Eating makes me feel good.  Eating soothes me.  Food is the hug I don’t have to beg for.  It’s the comfort that lulls me to sleep. 

On another note, thank you for all of your support regarding my Precious Purr kitty and the BF.  I feel numb with all of it.  All I can say is that I am so happy I am not a man.  My BF says I hate men.  Not true, I just haven’t met one that hasn’t made me feel like shit.  Maybe it started when my grandfather felt it was okay to molest me at 4 years old or the fact that my father didn’t talk to me for 7 years because I didn’t call him back on his birthday because my granddaughter was being BORN and he wasn’t home when I called the first time.  I don’t know.  Men are scary creatures to me because I haven’t met one that hasn’t hurt me.   Maybe I need to see my therapist again. 

I will work on forgetting to eat because I don’t think it’s healthy that I have such an attachment to food.  I need a real hug.