Trying to get the feeling again…

Hi Everyone

Thanks for your concern, love, good wishes, and great vibes.  Trust me, I could feel them.  You are all the best!

After much consideration and lots of begging for the last couple of years on his part, BF and I have decided to get married.  YIKES!  What in the hell am I waiting for?  For my old boyfriend who treated me like shit to come back to me?   I don’t know but I decided that BF is not such a bad catch after all and he really does love me.  Is he perfect, NOPE!  But I am not either.  We are going to have a small ceremony on July 18th when his birthsister is here visiting from Boston.  She doesn’t know yet.  We will tell her when she gets here.  We found her 4 years ago and she is a treasure.

I will write more later.  I have missed you all.  Thank you for always thinking of me.

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I have had a fever since Monday.  I thought I didn’t feel well Monday so when I got home, finally, I took my temperature.  It was 101.  Yesterday I went into student teaching and had to leave at noon.  I was miserable and freezing to death.  Fever 103.  I stayed home today.  Today after Tylenol  it’s 100.  I can’t remember the last time I had a fever and it sucks.  I took a tepid shower.  I feel like crap.  I am popping the Tylenol every 6 hours.  I hope my liver forgives me.  I have a doctor’s appointment on Friday so if I am not better by then, he can help me out.  I am drinking Gatorade to stay hydrated.  My biggest worry is not eating enough and getting light headed.   I seriously wanted to call my mom and have her come over and take care of me.  What can she do?  I don’t know.  But I feel so horrible.  BF is trying.  He has waited on my hand and foot and sat outside the shower.  I just wanted to whine.  Now I will go back to bed.  BLAH!

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I swear the weekend goes by much too fast!   Although the weeks seem to be zooming by too!  I did go shopping a little bit yesterday.  I needed a couple of cool cotton shirts - it’s starting to warm up here in Northern California.  I did not have to go the large women area to buy my clothes!  No more 1x  (what the hell kind of size is that anyway?)  YEAH!  I bought one top that was XL and one that was L.  I was very happy about this.  I also was able to fit into my Liz Claiborne size 14 skirt I bought on sale a couple of years ago without trying it on and have never been able to wear it.   It was a good feeling.  I try not to get bogged down by how much weight I still have to use because that is depressing.  Instead I think about what I have lost and feel good about it.  I noticed my feet don’t hurt anymore.  Poor feet used to to ache by the end of the day.  The little over forty pounds I have lost I am sure has helped. 

I am going to go and read yesterday’s paper.  I read today’s and Friday’s.  Now to find out what happened yesterday…

 Last week was stupid busy and I am glad it’s over.  We went to see Ironman yesterday.  It was good.  I ate some popcorn with butter.  It was good but I didn’t need to eat a whole lot to be satisfied.  That was a good thing. 

Good night my fair ladies.  Sleep tight and don’t let the bedbugs bite!

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Hey Chicks

Thanks for the advice.  I post here to hear what you have to say.  Not to have you blow smoke up my arse.  LOL!  I appreciate the honest comments about my BF and my friend AA.  The truth hurts sometimes but life hurts too.  I plan to wear a crash helmet during the second half as to not get as beat up as I did during the first half of my life.  I am middle aged although I don’t feel like it! 

I will wait and see what BF does in July when the promotion is supposed to go through.  And hey chicks, just because you are not in a realtionship right this very second doesn’t mean you don’t have life experience!  So, cut yourselves some slack and know that I appreciate your experiences.  Your experiences mean something to me.  I have a lot to chew on and think about.  You can help me chew, if you don’t mind…

I just don’t know at this point if it’s the men or me.  I had a BF tell me a long time ago that I expected too much from people and people are not me with my drive and ambition.  I don’t really think I am that ambitious.  I just don’t want to live my life like it’s Groundhog Day - the same thing every day!  I like to have things to look forward to and like to set goals.  I love to plan vacations.  Gives me something to look forward to.  I am excited about losing weight because I haven’t been thin in over 5 years.  Although it does suck to lose 40 pounds and still be fat.  But that is my fault.  I can’t even remember what those damn donuts tasted like! 

Went to the Asparagus Festival this past weekend.  Ate fried asparagus.  YUMMY! Split and order with the family so I only had two spears.  They were damn yummy and I am not going to fry me up some asparagus at home so this was a total treat.  Nope, I did not sweat the points or anything else.  Although I am hoping to hit 40 pound weight loss this week.  I may have to cut my head off to reach that goal!  LOL!

 Thank you my dear chicks.  You are all wondeful people and I am a lucky chick to have you guys watching my back. 

 With love!

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Last weekend was an experience and I don’t think I can do it again.  I have a friend, whom I will call AA.  AA and I went to Paso Robles and Grover Beach to visit friends.  We went to Paso to help a friend with an Earth Day event.  I have been sick but I wanted to be a good friend so I went anyway.  OHMYGOD!  I have been friends with AA for over 25 years and know back in my mind that she drinks like a sailor.  Now she has added pot smoking to her list of bad habits.  She is a college educated woman and has had her own insurance business for 15 years yet she parties like a 21 year old college student.  I spent the entire weekend babysitting her as she drank like a fish.  She did not help out her friend with the Earth Day event.  I ended up doing everything.  She got drunk and stoned all weekend.  It was exhausting.  Her husband has not been a good husband to her, long story but I am beginning to think that maybe he is tired of taking care of his wife.  But he drinks (has threee DUI’s - one his sister was killed) and smokes pot.  I don’t get it. 

I decided I love AA but cannot be a caretaker for her again.  It is too much.   I don’t let her drive when we are together.  I don’t know what else to do. It is sad. 

I did not student teach last monday and tuesday.  I needed to stay home and take care of ME!  Shock of the century.  I slept alot and plan on sleeping more.  I am just tired and I know it is my fault.  I have taken on too much and have not been taking care of me.  I am still wangling for a vacation although BF just told me he is thinking of NOT taking a promotion at work that will pay him $3500 a month more.  Some bullshit about them not giving him a car.  I don’t believe it.  His boss is dying to promote him.  He also told me he is thinking about switching back to swing shift because of the commute.  WHATEVER!  These choices benefit him ONLY.  Swing shift schedule means we only see each other three times a week.  But it is less work for him bc everyone goes home at 5.  Not taking the promotion means less work for him and doing the same job he has been doing for 18 years.  I get tired of being the only person in my relationships with any ambition.  Is it me or is it the men?  I have a lot of friends whose husbands or boyfriends are the same.  Hell, some of their men don’t work at all!  Maybe it’s California.  I don’t know.  I just know I feel disappointed.  Oh well, it is not the first time.  I want to be able to have weekends off together and do things like normal couples do.  Not have him work all weekend and me be alone.  Sure, he gets off of work on Saturday and home by 4:30.  He has to be back to work the next afternoon by 1:30 so it is not like we can go anywhere!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Well, I have said my piece, he knows how I feel.  I asked him to take the promotion because it would mean weekends off.  FINALLY! But it doesn’t look like it will happen.  He doesn’t have to give a definitive answer until June.  So —-  I will have to wait! 

On WW weigh in day, I lost 4.6 pounds.  It was about time.  I hit a plateau big time and I am not sure how much past it I am.  But I will continue to chug along because I know eventually I will fall off that plateau and back in the game again. 

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I have been a bad chick and I am sorry.   No, I didn’t fall off the face of the Earth but I know I should check in and tell you guys that.  I have been sick and I have had a looooong weekend.  Not in a good way either.  More details on that later. 

 Miss you all and will be catching up with you.  I am off to get weighed at WW.  It keeps me honest.  I have been on a weight plateau.  Hopefully, it has been broken.  I forgot that when your body loses x amount of weight, it decides to just hang around for awhile and do nothing.  I thought I was broken.  I will let you know how WW goes.

 Hugs and kisses! 

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One of my favorite Go-Go’s songs.  I need a vacation.  I haven’t taken a real one since I can’t rememeber.  I don’t mean a day or two in Tahoe or the coast or visiting my sister.  I mean a get the hell out of Dodge vacation.  I thought for a long time, why do I need one?  I have a decent house, I have a pool and hot tub.  Why do I need a vacation?  So I can rest!  It has finally hit me up side the head.  This chick is tired and needs to get away.  Like all of us, I end up taking care of the entire world before I take care of myself.  I need some time without a phone, email, texting - anything.  I need to NOT have to make breakfast, lunch, dinner and clean up the mess afterwards.  So why don’t I go away?  I can’t.  I don’t have a job- I student teach for free for 5 months.  That ends at the end of May but working for free is hurting my bank account.   Actually, I have to pay to work for free.  The only vacation I am going to get is unplugging the phones, shutting everything off, and ordering take out.  There is no room service here though.  And no one is going to bring me drinks by the pool.  SIGH!  I have to talk to honey to see if he will work OT so we can go away before I have a nervous breakdown.  Of course, no going away until the end of May.  I am tired of all the hoops just to teach.  I am glad I didn’t know about them before hand or else I don’t think I would have done this. 

 I am going to rest my head.  Good night sweet chicks.

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I wqeighed in yesterday.  I stayed exactly the same as the week before.  I think it is because I am not eating as often as I do when I am working and have a routine.  By working I mean student teaching and not getting paid.  And by routine I mean eating every couple of hours.  I usually eat breakfast for 3 points around 7 a.m.  Snack of fruit and yogurt or cheese OR veggies and light dip OR Fiber One Bar around 10 a.m. recess for 2 points, Lunch around noon for 7 points, afternoon snack of nuts or cheese for 3 points, dinner around 4:30 - 5 p.m. for 10 points. If I end up having 2 points available, I will eat a Skinny Cow icecream for 2 points sometime after dinner.    This routine is hard to pull off just being at home which I was for Easter Break.  It’s nice to be back in the groove again.  Yes, I pack all this every morning.   I have one of those Lean Cuisine lunch bags - Love IT !  It is soooo roomy and hold a lot. 

 Time for yoga Chicks!

 Toodles

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Today was the fist day of my new nine week assignment for student teaching.  I am in a Special Day Class-Learning Handicapped.  My master teacher  (MT) is really nice and so is her aide.  MT took me to lunch along with her husband and aide.  They all ate cheeseburgers.  Check that.  MT and Aide at cheeseburgers, husband at biscuits and gravy.  I really wanted a cheeseburger but could not justify having it so I had the barley soup and salad.  It was good and I got over the cheeseburger.  I did promise myself that if on Wednesday or Thursday (one is a cheat day) I will have a cheeseburger.   A couple of weeks ago I wanted a Hostess HoHo.  By the time Wednesday came around, I had forgotten all about it.  Until now.  But I really don’t want one anymore.   What I remember is that I did not give into a want. 

 I walked for 4 miles today.  Time to feed the dog and hit the showers.  I am finished with exercise for the day.  Yippee skippy!

 Hugs to all you chicks!  MUAH!

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