I actually lost a pound since Thursday– even after the Chinese.  Pretty cool.  My belt would only go to the first notch instead of the second as it had been, though, so who knows what’s going on.  I can’t write much– I have a topic proposal breathing down my neck, and wouldn’t you know it, I don’t really have a topic to propose, so I will have to pull one out from somewhere, I guess. 

I also got a rather disturbing email about the war tonight (I think it was the pictures that did it to me).  The person who sent it had good intentions, to show respect or something to my husband who is in Iraq, but I did NOT need to see those pictures.  I’m trying NOT to think of stuff like that, and the email definitely bothered me.  I haven’t cried since he left (and I thought I would be super depressed), but that did it to me.  I literally got nauseous and started shivering.  The person just wasn’t thinking, I guess.  Anyway, I talked to my mom and calmed down a bit.  So, getting to how this relates to food (I did have a point for posting this in my diet blog):

I am still using food as reward/emotional comfort.  I thought I wasn’t that bad about it, but I reached for the hot cocoa to make me feel better.  I didn’t have it until a couple hours after the fact, and I had planned to have it anyway (it’s an HNS), but as I was in the kitchen, I saw it and knew I was allowe to have it, and I instantly felt a bit better.  I even felt better while drinking it– I literally got comfort from it.  That’s a bit scary, to be honest.  Of course, it’s not like I went on a pizza binge (now that would have REALLY made me feel better, at least in the moment until I crashed and burned after the last bite), but it still shows that I am an emotional eater, even if it’s not always obvious to me.

Also, I started Metaquick today, and I feel pretty good about it.  It worked well last time (6.5 lbs. in a week), so hopefully it works as well this time.  That would put me in the 170s– wow.  Haven’t seen those numbers in a while.  i have realized though that while I want to lose more weight (I’m a comfy size 12 now), I am at least comfortable with myself.  I can look in the mirror and think “wow, I look pretty good.”  I don’t feel nearly as self conscious as I used to. 

So, anyhow, I’m hoping that MQ will help me get back to the straight and narrow since I’ve been straying little by little lately.  It’s not been anything too big (with the exception of the two big cheats i couldn’t very well avoid), but it’s been little stuff like trading my veggies for applesauce or sneaking in a 1% sugar free cappuccino when it’s not really on my plan.  Apparently it throws the “chemical balance” off– which I’m not sure I believe, but I do slow down in weight loss when I eat more carbs, so maybe there’s something to it.

Breakfast:  shake, HNS

Lunch:  bar, HNS

Dinner: spinach and chicken salad, cheese toast, 1 melba toast (extra), HNS

snack:  creamy HNS (hot cocoa)

water:  nonexistent, for the most part

weight at home: 181 (up 1.5 lbs. from yesterday, possibly water from the Chinese)

MRC weight:  186– back to where I was before the pizza