“What do you want on your tombstone; ‘got everything done; still died anyway.’?” I saw that somewhere today, probably just after I beat myself up for the nth time over my to-do list that is the size of a phone book.
I find Mondays so draining. By the end of the day I already feel like I have worked 5 long days. And I really didn’t do anything today, just frittered away the day surfing the net and returning phone calls. Then I came home and frittered away the evening. I have spent way to much of today sitting. I can feel my butt spreading right now. And soon I will be going to bed….ah well. Chalk it up as a rest day.
The weekend was busy. Sat we had a garage sale and we made a decent profit. I had forgotten how labour-intensive those things are - I spent about 10 hours cleaning out closets, sorting through things, pricing…and at the end of it all I still had a carload of stuff for charity. I wouldn’t say it was fun, but it was satisfying to empty my house of stuff I have been carting around through several moves FOR NO REASON.
I think I need to expand my social circle. If I can get myself to the point where I can run for 5k - not race, just not walk - I will join a local running club. I know there are several groups. And now that my den is cleared out there is no excuse for not making use of my fairly good collection of exercise dvds. Just watching them doesn’t really do anything, or so I have come to realise.
I also have been doing some serious financial analysis. Whew boy. Do I like to shop. That area of self-improvement is going to take a bit more work.
Damn, the 40s are a pain. Life was much more fun BEFORE I decided to be responsible and accountable and yada yada yada.
This weekend was all about family! Younger son’s university grad was on Sat, so my parents were visiting and we had a full weekend of festivities. Grad dinners, then of course Father’s Day brunch, and then my parents took some friends of theirs out for dinner and invited me along. (See the theme?) I did get a couple of hours of heavy landscaping work in yesterday afternoon while they were out shopping, but for the most part eating and planning the next meals have been the activity of choice for the last five days.
Ah well. As of this morning, back on the low carb thing, which for me means no sugar, flour, milk, salt, pasta or rice. And portion control.
Older son now has 2 jobs, (thank you higher power!) and that means I am back on the daily dog-walking routine, which is only good. I have become a lazy lump and I have to stop talking about changing things and start actually making changes!
I am so tired. Work is taking so much out of me I can barely move when I finally do make it home. Forget about walking. Forget about thinking.
I know I have not been eating entirely healthily but the volume is certainly decreased. My survival solution right now is: ok, this is not nutritious but if I only eat a small amount of it, that is better than fainting from hunger. And when I can eat real food I try to eat reasonable amounts. I am not getting on the scale so I don’t know if it is working. To be truthful I am afraid to look at the numbers. I am not getting enough sleep - my face is so puffy from exhaustion I can feel the skin being stretched under my eyes. Tonight I mentioned that I wasn’t sure if I could continue at this pace and my son said, “yeah, yeah, you have been saying that for months.” My response: ‘Well, I guess I have more reserves than I think I do.”
But the stress hormones and the lack of sleep can’t be good. And then I think maybe I could counter it by exercising more and I almost break down because I just can’t fit anything more into my day.
Oh man, I am sorry, I hate sounding like this. Ok, to bed, take my vitamins, life could be worse… I have a good job that allows me to have a good life. Why am I complaining?
It is sunny and not too cold ( still -3C though) and I am going to pack up the dog and head out for a snowshoe hike. I WISH I could say it is likely the last one of the season but I doubt it. However, the snowbanks have lost about 2 feet of height this week in the sun. Yay.
Well, I do seem to be getting my energy levels back up. Yesterday was a high-carb day - I had three meetings back to back from 10 - 2, with the middle one the only one with food, and only those gigantic muffins. Instead of fainting, I had a muffin. Then, back on track for dinner. So I forgive myelf…lol
I have almost finished redecorating my bedroom. I moved into this place in 2003, and at the time I splashed some paint samples on the walls, hung a sheet over the window, and then tackled the rest of the house. But over the years, I have bought everything needed to finish it off, and finally last week started the job. I must say I am very happy with how it is coming along. I have to hang curtains and artwork, and put up some shelves, and then I will be done. It is a small room and I have a king-sized bed so there is only room for the bed and night stands, and that is it. No closet, no dresser - all that is in another tiny room. It’s a very strangely designed house. If I had the money I would reconfigure the space but I will have to leave that for the next owner.
Last night I power-walked around the neighbourhood - 44 minutes. Not my fastest pace, but it felt good.
Yay me. 60 minutes of snowshoeing - a 33 minute interval training walk/run and then a power walk back to the car. Damn weight ticker BETTER go down after a couple of weeks of this! (Also it is fun.)
I am trying to keep the carbs at 30% of total. A little too much bread today - whole wheat artisan bread, at least - pushed me up to 36%. Son #1 and I have a little bet on about healthy eating - which I am winning by a country mile as he drinks gallons of diet pop (aspartame and other nasty chemicals) and scarfs one big party pack of microwave popcorn each day. I was relying on red wine a little too regularly as a nightly relaxant; eliminating that is my winning strategy. And ditching the cookies.
Despite the fact that there is a nasty snowstorm out there, I did 2.18 km in 33 minutes - dressed like the michelin tire mascot. I have this little nikeplus ipod pedemetre thingy and it is SO FRUSTRATING. Took me four days to make it work, and then tonight it seemed to only record 1/2 of tthe trek. I will try to calibrate it at the gym’s track this week, but I am very very disappointed. By the comments on the usergroup, I am not the only one having problems, apparently there are a lot of people who paid for this cute little doohickey only to find it is at best a beta device.
However, I have mapped my usual walking routes on google so I can calculate speed and distance. I am faintly thinking of working up to running. If only I was a graceful, flowing runner, instead of a leaden plodder.
It is -20 today so I won’t be snowshoeing again. It did feel good to get out on the trail yesterday, although it was very cold. I go out to the edge of the lake and tramp around a big campground. I didn’t go onto the beach because the wind was whipping snow around in big white curtains. I stayed in the trees…I was the only person there and it was beautiful. Dog chased phantom squirrels. After 30 minutes of breaking trail I made it back to the car.
Son #1 made steak and veggie stir fry for dinner. When I said I’d give half of my steak to the dog he jumped on it instead, insulted I would even suggest such a thing…lol.
This afternoon we are both going to the gym, I want to row and he wants to try out the weight room.
Loverboy is moving today - he has packed up his truck, left 1/2 of his things in a storage locker, and he is gone. I really, really don’t know what I feel about this. We talk like we are a couple, building a life together, but we do nothing that actually demonstrates that. I am trying not to be sad but I can’t help it, this doesn’t feel like a way forward for us.
Well, nothing I can do about it today. Today I will go to the gym then come home and finish the laundry for the week. Well, I hope I make it to the gym. Son #1 appears to be reneging and I might not actually feel energetic enough to get there on my own today.
My new 24/7 hobby - loading my cds into itunes so I can then load them into my ipod, to work with my Nike imonitor….huh? What happened to tapes? Remember when cassettes were SO COOL and the Sony Walkman cost $300? Which, for the record, I DID not buy until was about $100…lol. Ohmigod, remember laying on the floor in your bedroom listening to the Donny Osmond LP and lifting the record needle up and back to the start of your favourite song over and over again? And when it started to skip balancing a dime on the arm for extra weight? I am officially so old…
Just about to head out for my winter walk with the dog. I feel so much better after the 45 minutes of fresh air. Helps with the insomnia immensely. Next week I think I can start rowing.
There’s an instructor at the gym who does pilates and yoga - I have taken her yoga classes and I had some trouble cause she turns the lights out, puts candles in the middle of the room, and teaches in the dark. It is very hard to follow along with a teacher when you can’t see her. Anyway, I was always insanely jealous/admiring of her because she is beautiful, very toned, and can sing. (I ran into her at a karaoke night…don’t ask. Please.) I just found out she used to be more than 100 lbs overweight. Now I am just very admiring of her. (But I still don’t want to take yoga from her. ) I really want to ask her for her story.
Son #1 made tacos tonight - I was starving when I got home and scarfed down three. Lesson - don’t let myself get that hungry! Associated sinful secret - the sour cream was delish.
Now that my office is close to the staff kitchen I can bring lunch and snacks - if I can do it 2x a week I will be very happy with myself. In my defense, I did not intend to spend all day at work, but once I was there it was hard to leave. But tomorrow, I know I will be there all day and I can plan for it.
I am currently a walking advertising for sunscreen. I just had a nickel-sized skin tumour taken off my nose. Now, I know, in the grand scheme of things I should be grateful, not whiny. And I am. But I just can’t help feeling a bit sorry for myself. I have a line of 15 stitches down the centre of my nose, and it is swollen and crooked and red and lumpy. There is no way of knowing how it will heal - I mean in what shape - but I am expecting I will want cosmetic surgery later on. I have taken a week off work to avoid comments at least until the stitches come out, but it will be 6 months maybe before it is completely healed. This is the inevitable result, I suppose, of all those years of TRYING to start the summer off with a burn so it would ‘turn into a tan.’ Of course I am careful now, but too little, too late, I guess.
On the upside, I took advantage of the trip to the big city to do some serious post-xmas shopping. Saved some room on the credit card for just this occassion. Got lots of home decor stuff at FAb deals, and also got this cool little ipod nike workout monitor that clips to your shoe. It is really just an extra-fancy pedometer, but I can’t wait to try it out. Once I figure out how it works….lol.