The journey from fat to fit. Road trip, woo hoo!

Let me preface this post by saying I grew up in the deep south (New Orleans).  I now live in the Pacific Northwest (Portland, Oregon).  And every now and then, my love for all things chronically evil from my youth comes back to haunt me. 

I live in a place that is sickeningly healthy.  Everyone seems to be fit.  Everyone is outdoorsy and athletic and eats organic and rides bikes.  Yet Popeye’s Chicken not only continues to stay open here, but it thrives.  Thank God the three locations that I know of are all too far away to be conveniently frequented.

I had a job across town today and my route home took me past not one but two Popeye’s.  I drove past the first one with a sigh.  I drove past the second one drooling and hit the drive thru.  I ordered a popcorn chicken combo with a diet coke.  I threw half the fries away and still feel borderline ill about the meal.  In fact, I just took an Alli, we’ll see if that helps offset any of the grease, because I feel like I drank a vat of it.

To try to get myself back on the right track, I just did the Biggest Loser Boot Camp DVD.  I finished the whole thing and was able to keep my weights for most of it, but I did have to lose them toward the end.  This is the first time I’ve been able to complete this DVD, it usually kicks my ass about 3/4 of the way through and I can’t finish.  Maybe grease has given me super powers.

Below is a tally of the damage done in one drive thru of Popeye’s.  I used the cal/fat estimate for half an order of fries, because I really did throw most of them away.  The biscuit is the killer, which sucks wang because those biscuits are freaking delicious.

On a positive note, I have done extremely well since my last weigh in, so if this is my only splurge for the week, I can feel good about the week overall.  On a less positive note, my next weigh in is Wednesday and God only knows what could happen in the next 48 hours.

Biscuit: 250 cal, 14.9 grams fat

Fries: 120 cal, 6 grams fat

Shrimp: 250 cal, 16.4 grams fat

I am not even going to complete my Saturday food log or start one for Sunday.  I was ridiculously off plan.  TG I do not own a scale or I would be obsessively weighing myself all day.  I have a weigh-in Wednesday A.M. and am going to be 100% strictly on plan until then to hopefully do some damage control.  I’m also going to make a solemn vow to get in a good amount of exercise today and tomorrow, which should be relatively easy because I have a light workload this week, as opposed to a hellacious workload last week which led to no grocery shopping for fresh veggies and fruits, which makes it even easier to indulge in bad snacking habits, which I did, with a vengeance.

So, no big pity party, no big self recriminations.  It’s over.  It’s done.  Time to get back on plan.

The big problem d’jour that I need to deal with is one of my two cats.  She has decided she doesn’t use litter boxes anymore.  Nope.  Just poops on the floor instead.  Isn’t she cute? ARRGGHHHHH.  I have been googling that topic all weekend and have gotten the advice to replace the box, replace the brand of litter, and put it in a new location.  I’ve had this cat for two years and never an issue until the last week or so.  No major household changes to account for it.  And it’s not like she’s picked a “new spot” where I can move the litter box.  Each poop has been in a different location of the house.  Got to figure this one out asap!

I am on a diet of 1200 calories per day.  If I want to have a day of eating only Girl Scout cookies I can have:

Tagalongs - 1 box, 16 cookies, for a total of 1200 calories, 80 grams of fat

Do Si Dos - 1 box, 22 cookies, for a total of 1210 calories, 45 grams of fat

Thin Mints - 32 cookies (box minus four), for a total of 1200 calories, 56 grams of fat

Lemon Chalet Cremes - 15 cookies (a box plus one!) for a total of 1200 calories, 45 grams of fat

All Abouts - 24 cookies (a box plus three!) for a total of 1200 calories, 32 grams of fat

Samoas - 1 box, 16 cookies, for a total of 1200 calories, 64 grams of fat

Chocolate chip - 23 cookies (a box plus 8!!) for a total of 1280 calories, 69 grams of fat

Trefoils - 40 cookies (box minus five) for a total of 1200 calories, 56 grams of fat

 Why is this not sounding like a bad idea to me right now?

I had my weigh in today.  Only down .6 of a pound this week, for a total of 18.6 pounds total loss in 13 weeks.  I would like to be making faster progress, but I do own up to the fact that my exercise is not where it should be.

After the weigh in, I went to Taco Bell today.  My fast food has been really, really limited for the last 13 weeks, which is when I started Jenny Craig.  Before that, it was out of control, as in fast food pretty much every day for lunch and then sometimes even for dinner too.  Since starting JC I have been avoiding it, and doing really well.  But for some reason today, I could not drive past the Bell.  I had two chicken soft tacos and an order of cheesy fiesta potatoes.  I listed the damage in my food log, and when I factor in that I had not had breakfast and then had a really “good” dinner and avoided snacks pretty much, I still stayed pretty much within my 1200 cal/day goal.  Plus I did 20-minutes of cardio where I really kept my heart rate of for a good 15 minutes of the time, so that’s a plus.

I’m just worried that it’s the start of something ugly.  That “urge” it from out of nowhere after 12 weeks of being quiet.  I don’t want to go down that road again.  I’ll admit that I was a little disappointed in my measley .6 loss, but I wasn’t in my “fuck it, I’ll just binge” mode either.  I’m going to have to keep the fast food in check or I know the weight I’ve lost will come right back.

So I managed to avoid binging last night, but the pity party did continue on.  For some reason when I get like that it makes me feel better to be mean to my DH for no good reason.  I don’t even want to begin to explore the psychology behind that, I know it is f*ed up, but after 10 years he’s somewhat used to it and just looks at me with that “are you done yet” look and doesn’t really give a shit.  I don’t want to explore the psychology behind that either.

Anyway, no binge last night, just a lot of pouting, but then today I did definitely go “off program” with a trip to Chevy’s Mexican Restaurant.  I definitely could have done worse food wise, but I could have done better, too.  I can live with what I ate without any bad feelings, so that’s saying something.  I’d probably feel differently if I owned a scale and could actually see the immediate results of the meal, so one more reason to not buy a scale.

The big school/church auction/dinner/dance is Saturday and I guess I am wearing the new red dress that I bought, but I’m not really happy with it.  I’m going to try it again tomorrow with Spanx on and see if that helps.  I’ll post a picture, for better or worse.  On the bright side, everyone I know is wearing black, so at least I’ll be the “fat lady in the red dress” as opposed to “just another fat lady in a black dress.”

Thanks for the supportive comments re: my pity party.  There is comfort in knowing I’m not the only one who has ever felt this way.

UPDATE: I did manage to get in 15 minutes of cardio and another 15 of crunches and pushups.  And another bottle of water.  That counts for something, right? 

I totally blew my food plan tonight.  For dinner I had a BIG slice of Papa Murphy’s take and bake stuffed pizza, not sure what kind it is but full of sausage, pepperoni, ground meat and mounds and mounds of cheese.  It was freaking delicious.  Sorry.  It’s true.  It was. 

DH picked up the pizza Saturday when I asked him to prepare dinner for the kids.  He went to Papa Murphy’s and got a hawaiian pizza.  Perfect, I hate hawaiian pizza.  I ate my JC meal while the fam had pizza and all was right with the world.  DH even picked up a really nice salad while he was at PM’s so, yay, lagniappe. 

Fast forward to later Saturday night, I open the fridge and what to my wondering eyes should appear but a GIGANTIC stuffed pizza looking ever so delicious sitting in my fridge.  “Hon, WTF is this?”  Oh, it was a two-fer.

So the pizza sat there Sunday and Monday uncooked while I stuck to my food plan.  Tonight was do or die, it either had to be cooked or frozen.  I could not fit the sucker into the freezer (I swear I tried), so I threw it in the oven.  It cooked and I am thinking “Oh my God, why doesn’t Yankee candle have a pizza scented candle?  I would so buy that.”  Even though the smell had me salivating, I got out my JC meal (which was looking less and less attractive by the moment).  I was going to pop my meal into the microwave when the oven timer rang.

I took the pizza out of the oven, looked at my healthy meal and said *F it*, and had a big fat slice of pizza heaven.  Halfway through the pizza the self-loathing set in, but it wasn’t quite enough to stop me from polishing the sucker off.

The good news: I did not go back for a second slice.  I did not eat the leftovers on princess’ dinner plate (what kind of kid doesn’t eat the cheese?). 

I did a 20-minute yoga DVD workout today, and now I’m going to go do 20 minutes on my bosu ball along with crunches and pushups. 

Why oh why do I do this kind of shit to myself?

Today is Sunday and I totally strayed from my JC food plan.  I had a JC breakfast, pancakes/sausage and a bottle of water.  Went to church, where my little Princess bumpkin sang in the choir, cute as can be.  Church was over at 12:15, by the time we finished socializing and getting Princess packed off with a friend for a play date and sleepover, it was 1:00 and DH wanted to go to brunch.  I wasn’t starving, so I thought that would be a great time to go to brunch, while I’m not starving and less likely to binge.  Brunch was delicious and I loaded up on salad and fruits, but still managed to have two servings of salmon, some sauteed scallops, a tiny bit of potatos au grautin and a scoop of bread pudding.  DH and I took advantage of the sunshine and the fact that Princess was gone for the day and went on a long walk, about 2 miles, which was really nice.  Came home and had a cat nap then went to see Cloverfield tonight.  I liked it, DH was unimpressed, said the wobbly camera was going to give him a seizure, which I thought was pretty funny : )  I had a pretzel and diet coke at the movie theatre, and am calling that dinner. 

So all in all, not a great day for JC food plan, but I feel like my splurges were pretty well controlled.  I’ve been on JC for nine weeks and this is only the second time that I’ve really gone off plan for a whole day.  In the nine weeks I have lost every week, so I hope to continue that trend.  In my mind I am justifying the food splurge by saying it was offset by the extra exercise.  But in reality, I should have stayed on plan PLUS gotten the exercise to help push myself to meeting my second mini-goal.  My first mini-goal was 10 lb by Christmas, and I made it.  My second was to lost 20 lb total by Feb. 2 (we have a formal event to attend) and I’m kind of off track for meeting that goal since Feb. 2 is now 13 days away and I’ve got six pounds to go.  I VOW TO HAVE A GOOD WEEK THIS WEEK… staying on my food plan, getting extra exercise and drinking at least four bottles of water per day.  Now that I have officially VOWED it, I have to do it, right?