The journey from fat to fit. Road trip, woo hoo!

Why am I so mad?  I am so short-tempered lately and can go from 0 to 60, i.e. “normal” to “kill you where you stand rage”, in a matter of 3 seconds. 

Case in point: I jumped down DD9’s throat because she forgot to do some of her homework.  This is a recurring theme.  She announces that she is finished with her homework, then gets on the computer, watches TV, reads books, creates art, etc.  Then after dinner and shower, when it’s time to bed, the waterworks start because she “forgot” to do some of her homework.  Granted, she is nine years old, BUT I don’t feel like I need to micromanage on things like this.  She knows what she needs to get done and I think that the “forgetting” is not legitimate, is more of a “I don’t want to do anymore homework right now” kind of thing.  But, regardless, my reaction was a bit extreme.  I did a lot of complaining which was uncalled for, but I think the punishment is legitimate.  No more TV for the rest of this week in the hopes that that will help her remember better.

Second case in point: DD20 comes home from her night classes last night and starts to tell me what her loser ex-BF / baby daddy said to her… and before she can get it out of her mouth I am enraged by the fact that she even had a conversation with him.  I shut her down, never did find out what she was upset about, and she basically stormed off in the middle of me berating her for continuing to make poor choices about her contact with him.  Again, I think my anger is justified, but my immediate rage reaction was extreme.  But this one has been brewing for a long time.  She is 20, has a baby, they both live with us, DH and I provide for all of her needs while she is in school AND I do 35+ hours of childcare for the baby while she is in school from 2 - 9:30 pm five nights a week.  All of this because (1) she is my daughter (2) I love her and (3) we want to help her get to a place where she can live as an independent adult raising her child.  But when she continues to engage with the biggest loser in the world, I feel like she (1) does not appreciate the sacrifices we’ve made for her (2) is an idiot who will never be able to live independently because of her stupid choices and (3) it’s basically a slap in the face to go against the one thing we are adamant about (which is if she gets back together with him, she’s on her own, zero support from us.)

Finally, DH and I had the mother of all blowouts this morning about, of all things, recycling.  Come on.  I won’t even go into detail because it was SUCH A STUPID THING TO FIGHT ABOUT, but again, my fury was immediate and intense.  He was being a jerk about taking out the recycling, and instead of saying “Hey, stop being a jerk,” I went into full-on verbal attack mode with a vengeance.

 I had a completely hysterectomy years ago, so it’s not hormonal or TOTM related.  My weight loss has been slow and steady with no big hiccups, nothing unusual going on there with regard to food or exercise.  I am a little overwhelmed work-wise, but not anything too intense and certainly not worse than I’ve managed to handle with sanity intact before.

I have no idea why I am so angry, but I am ready to attack.  And to top it all off, I had a last minute work schedule change, had to cancel my JC appt. for tomorrow and am going today, mid-day, which SUCKS THE BIG ONE.  I usually go first thing in the morning with an empty stomach, and since I am going at noon today, I won’t be surprised to see either a gain or a “hold”, which might just put me over the edge.

 I’m going to go scream into my pillow now before I get behind the wheel!