Changing my Life through Accu-weight Loss

My mom said it wouldn’t be loud today but there’s work going on and screaming and
it’s just not a good situation for me to study in.
I came home last night.. I’m pissed because I cheated, my mom cooked and wanted me to eat.. so I did.. then we got into a fight and I felt like I’m 13 again. I just.. I can’t concentrate at home, what ajoke.
Suffice to say, I don’t feel like eating anything, in fact the cheat made me feel pretty gross, definitely don’t feel like eating any more. I wish it was sunday already so I could just start back up without the cheat.
Anyway.. I’m trying to study.. I need to get through a week, I’m going to push through. I’m annoyed right now but w/e.. b/c my mom was calling me fat and then trying to get me to eat even though I’m dieting, thanks for the support. It’s still myfault for giving in, but yeah I’m not going to come home for several weeks.. I’ve decided to just come home again for Thanksgiving b/c it’s a lot of stress to be at home. 
It’s just not good. I’m going to Myles’ this weekend but we already planned out the food thing.. he’s dieting too right now and says he’s been losing, so it’ll be okay when I’m there.
I’m kinda pissed though for wasting the day with a stupid cheat like that, but I’m filling up on water the rest of day, mentally I really wasn’t in a “cheat’ mode if that makes sense.. meaning if I was at the dorm, I wouldn’t have cheated today. I had plenty of fruits and veggies.. w/e. I did have some fruit today though.
Whatever, I’m going to just continue on my day, study, not think about the cheat, and think about what a difference a week of dieting will do so I can just get through it. JEEEZ i’m getting frustrated with this! I just want to finish my diet up already.. I’m getting really pissed that I keep cheating.  

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It’s been hours since the cheat.. I haven’t cheated since. Been filling up on water and studying. I need to study more though. Thinking about the few days ahead just stress me out.. I have a midterm for Calculus on Tuesday, and a midterm on the lab for Planet Earth on Wednesday. The labs are open on Monday from 10-5 pm.. I have class from 2:30-5:20, not to mention a 1-2:20 notetaking class..
That leaves me 10-12:50 to look at the rocks and study em. I’m going to bring my digital camera and take pictures. I’m going to be super-busy and tired on Tuesday, not to mention that I’m going to need to study hardcore. I’m trying to get most of my calculus studying out of the way but it’s going at a slow pace. I have the rest of the evening though, and some of tomorrow. I guess I’ll need to wake up really early on Monday.. The problem is these are both of my harder classes.. and the week after is when I have my Culture and the Cold War midterm and my Physical Anthropology midterm - both of which I’m not worried about..
I don’t know.. it’s weird that I’m feeling okay with the diet b/c it’s reached a point of.. now or nothing, it’s mandatory and I must do this. But with everything else.. I don’t know how I feel. I get like this in the falltime especially.. but I don’t feel like I’m making enough friends. I had a fallout with my friends in hs.. and my close friends are busy with their lives at other schools… still in NJ.. but yeah. And I don’t know..
I didn’t really match up with the girls last year, I have some friends but not really close. Another “friend” I had here ended up being in the suite from the girls last year and she’s never around b/c her boyfriend is a frat founder.. my roommate is.. well we’re cool with each other and I’m nice to her n stuff but we don’t click with hanging out and such.

I don’t know.. I guess I’m feeling a bit depressed.. I’m over the diet attempt failures over the past b/c that isn’t where my real depression comes from, and odd enough, I think that will allow me to stick with the diet. Growing up I always had this sentiment that me being big was why I was shy and why I wouldn’t go make friends but honestly, it isn’t the weight b/c I still made friends… I’m not sure. I’m kind of a loner. I mean I’m not a party person, I don’t smoke or drink.. I mean, it’s occasional and with my boyfriend, I’m not comfortable to really do that with unknown people. It’s just.. I don’t know. I want the friendships I had in high school. I feel like… I don’t click with a lot of girls here, I mean I’ve made friends sure but nothing special… I don’t have anyone to call to come hang out with me anymore. I don’t know.
It’s just.. idk. it’s weird. Is it me? I don’t know.. do I close myself off? I don’t think I do.. I mean I tried. 
I need to join some clubs or something. I guess I need to be more social, I just don’t know how. In general, I click a lot better with guys than girls too but it’s weird to get close with guy friends b/c in my experience, they start to like you (aka my guy friend in nyc who my bf dislikes b/c of that fact).
Hmm, I don’t know. It’s weird, people will talk to me, but… we don’t click.. I don’t know
I need to meet more people. I feel so.. bored with life. Sometimes I feel like losing weight is the answer but it’s not, that’s just for myself. It’s stupid that I should let weight get in the way of whether or not I’ll make friends. Then I feel like I just need money… to do what? With who? Go shopping?  It’s another weird thing, that I feel like I’ve got to lose weight and buy all these stylish clothes to attract more people, and that may be true, but that doesn’t mean I should be a hermit for now does it? 

Rahh.
Oh well least I’m mentally on-track with my diet. I’ll update later tonight.