Changing my Life through Accu-weight Loss

Okay I’m back from CT.

I left on Friday…
Umm.. I friday/saturday I ate brown rice/chicken, egg.. nothing really “binge”-worthy..
So I tried to get back on track Sunday.. but my bead fell off!! I tried going through the day with one bead but it didn’t work.. I actually physically felt hungry.
Oh well.. I DO feel bloated though from the food.. but I’m going to start back up again tomorrow.
Next time I’m bringing beads with me..
Umm.. This friday is a friend’s birthday party.. she rented out a place and she’s asking $10 from every person.. - food, music, alcohol
So… My boyfriend is coming over and so is his friend… So I’m going to just diet for these couple days and come Friday I’m going to just do the “special day” protocol.. basically fill up on water the whole day, eat an apple… and then at the party I’m going to eat but small portions, then Saturday/Sunday are both milk days.
I can do it.. I actually am mentally fine with dieting right now, so this weekend isn’t a failure to me because I had a nice time relaxing and spending time with my boyfriend.
Yes, wasn’t on the diet though I tried, but I don’t feel weak or anything. Anyway…
Since he’s coming down this weekend, we decided that we wouldn’t do halloween.. so this year I think I’m just going to spend the weekend at home.
We were only going to go to the parade.. I’d rather him come over this weekend for this party than spend money to see the halloween parade in the city..
Anyway, lol, it’s weird how off-track this blog has been for the past.. almost 2 months. actually kinda depressing if you put it that way but whatever, life happens I guess. I WILL get through this diet though. I’m settled enough to avoid eating.. aka.. avoid spending money lol.
Anyway, I’ll update again sometime.

Okay so today’s midterm was tough. I didn’t get enough sleep either, I went to bed at 11:45 but couldn’t sleep.. lol I kept daydreaming haha..
Umm.. so I just had a class.. on break til 4, then another class, and another one after it but it’s notetaking.
I’ll be back at 7? So I’ll finally get a chance to relax around then..
Today I made guacamole (the powdered stuff you add to avocado, not from scratch.. didn’t have lemon juice) and added a small tomatoe to make it chunkier. I mixed it up with stir-fry veggies I cooked from the bag.. then I had a half a class of V8 fruit/veggie drink and a small kiwi. I think I’ve met my veggie/fruit quota, but it was a good meal. No cravings. The only craving I have is to go sleep.
Anyway.. I’m not sure how much I weigh, but I’m pretty sure I’m probably like mid-150’s at the most, b/c I washed my jeans and if I was more than that, this certain straight-fit non-stretchy pair that I have wouldn’t fit me. So it’s good to know I haven’t done much damage, I know I said that before, but I was afraid I may of gained more than that, but from how my clothes fit me, I know I haven’t.
Also lol when I went to 144, my chest seemed to be the last thing that lost, but that was the first place I gained, and then my stomach, and then my legs.. lol as weird as it sounds, I can tell b/c I remember that when I hit 148/149, it was my legs that lost.. so I’m probably like 153/154 right now? It’ll come off quick though.. I’m estimating that in two weeks I should be at the 140’s again (generously saying that) Still I refuse to weigh myself until… I’ve done this.. for 30 days. So that would be Nov. 11..  Ideally, that would place me in the 130’s.. but even if I’m in the upper 140’s again, that’s fine. Again, I’m not in a rush anymore, and idk how much I weigh right now. I probably should weigh myself for the purpose of knowing how much I’ve lost in the month.. but I am not feeling up to it. Maybe after this first week is over, I’ll take a glance at my weight. I’m just scared it’ll be so much higher that I’ll be really upset about it.. so I’ll just wait a bit..
Plus I’m getting my period in a couple days so it isn’t the best time to weigh.
I’ll update later.

After I moved my beads yesterday, I noticed my bloating went down, I guess I needed to change the spots.
I made a yogurt mixture yesterday to use in my ice cream maker today, but I underestimated how much ice I need~! It’s churning right now, I’ll let it go for another 5 minutes, but yeah..
It’s okay, first time making it.
I had my calculus midterm today.. it went really wellll!! I’m so happy about that!
Drank tons of water today, had small amount of cottage cheese.
I am going to take a short nap after I finish churning the ice cream… I have class at 2:30. I’ve got to spend my day studying for my lab midterm though for tomorrow.

Anyway, feeling good. My stomach feels smaller already…
I’ll update later.

—–

The frozen yogurt wasn’t bad for my first time, considering I didn’t have enough ice either.
It still had the tangy taste which I’ve acquired a taste for now.
Next time I’ll strain the yogurt though, I read that is supposed to make it softer.
Cravings-wise, I haven’t been having any or even thinking about getting a snack or anything, and I just realized it now that I haven’t been thinking about food at all! It’s like I’ve finally shifted back to where my diet is just second-nature again, and I don’t have to constantly fight myself to go along with it.
It’s like I’m just totally out of that mood. It’s weird. That “talk” I had with myself really has stuck with me and totally changed my whole perception. It’s weird! It might be that I’ve been preoccupying myself more too, I don’t know. I think it’s also the beads.. I don’t know, I’m just glad about it.

Tomorrow I’m going to cook eggplant, tomatoes, onions.. I did this before, it was really good. Sauteed garlic and onions, slices the eggplant and tomatoes up, and then layered it all in a dish and baked it. Came out really nice, pretty filling.. the only issue is I don’t have a dish to bake it in? I may have to venture out and buy one tomorrow.

Today I’m going to be drinking milk…
I had a conversation with myself in the shower, b/c I was upset with the weight I’d gained back and I felt fat..
I had to tell myself that it’s better for me to get on track with the diet and lose weight, even if I don’t lose all of it by a “deadline”, I’ll still be losing, it’s better to do that then give up and gain weight.
It’s simple logic, but our emotions can damage our willpower sometimes.
Anyway, that’s something I’m going to repeat to myself throughout the day.
I have a busy day ahead of me.. I’m feeling crampy/bloated..
I’m going to just push through it. I’m going to just keep going.. I really won’t weigh myself til… sometime in November though, b/c I’m going to just keep the diet in the background, it gets easier after a week anyway, that way I won’t feel deprived or whatever. Maybe today will mark the day. I’m feeling okay though, not crazy confident about it, more like I feel content with it. I
It’s what I really need, everything else has failed, the whole now-or-never thing or giving myself a deadline, it just made me feel like a failure. At this point I’m just like, well hey, It’s stupid for me to just give up b/c I didn’t get to my goal by now yet, I still want to get to goal! It’s soo simple, but that’s all I’ve gotta tell myself.

Anyway, I’ll do two milk days again to get back on track, and my mom picked fresh tomatoes, eggplant, and chili peppers from her garden and I’m eager to make a soup or something out of it. I have coffee filters to strain the yogurt but I don’t have a strainer to line it with, so I’ll buy that on Wednesday or something and do it on Friday. Anyhow, I’m feeling OK.
I’ll update later.

——
What a tiring/busy day. I’m relaxing right now.. then I’m going to study for my Calculus midterm.
My schedule for the next couple days:
Study for midterm

Tuesday:
Midterm
Class
Study for midterm
Study for quiz
Watch Invasion of the Bodysnatchers for class assignment
Wednesday:
Midterm
Class
class
Start studying for next Wednesday’s two midterms
Thursday:
Note-taking class, regular class
Friday:
Myles.

So.. my weekend will be relaxing. I just got to suck it up for these couple days.
I’m glad I got most of my calculus studying done over the weekend and last night..
I have ample time to study tonight then..
Today I had cottage cheese mixed in with Walden Farms 0 calorie Peanut Butter spread (which is disgusting, but I mixed in black pepper and splenda to give it more of what I thought it needed) and mixed with the cottage cheese it was pretty good.
I also had a bit of yogurt with Crystal light..
I prepared a mixture with yogurt to make ice cream tomorrow.. I still need to freeze more ice, but I’ll attempt it tomorrow and write down what happened later.
Anyway, I’m going to go study for my midterm.
Today went well except for occasional taste as I prepared my yogurt mixture..

Under a lot of stress. Busy day tomorow, perfect though for sticking to my diet, as I won’t come back til 5ish. I’ll be out from 11-5.. soo busy. I made a calendar and a plan of attack. I won’t work out this week b/c I’ll be adjusting and I’m going to get my period soon.
Anyway, I’m going to start working out around Thursday, I figure that’s when my period will slow down.. I’ll stay the weekend and work out on Friday as well. Then again Sunday.
I’m going to just try and do reading over the weekend, just take time to study in general..
But I’m feeling confident. I must. Today was.. ehh with my diet, on and off. Truthfully, my beads weren’t working, i think it’s because in the morning I had ovaltine not realizing the sugar content and my stomach was just feeling worse n worse, and I HAD to eat, but I ate very little actually, and I finished eating early.
Anyway I’m going to get to bed, I need to tell Danita to keep it down b/c i need my sleep….

I am really trying.. Drinking tons of water..
The problem is I feel soo bloated and crampy.. my period is in a few days, so I only feel bigger lol. I guess that is more reason to stick to my diet. I’m going to buy some sugar-free candy to get me through…
I’m feeling.. crazy bloated though, i’m talking, I feel like I gained like 5 pounds overnight. My stomach is crazy big right now.. my legs are still small but my hips and my stomach feel gigantic and I feel huge. I’ve got to get myself under control and just continue. Even if I’d just maintained the 144, I’d be so happy…
Whatever, I can get back there again, no use in all this talk. I’m going shopping today before I go back, I’m going to stock up on sugar-free candy and I’m also bringing my ice-cream maker with me. My mom has rock salt I can use, I just got to buy xanthan gum from a health store or something.
Ugh, I feel huge, and I’m having cravings but I’m refusing to give into any of them b/c I already feel bloated, so in some way, that’s good. I’ll update later.
 

My mom said it wouldn’t be loud today but there’s work going on and screaming and
it’s just not a good situation for me to study in.
I came home last night.. I’m pissed because I cheated, my mom cooked and wanted me to eat.. so I did.. then we got into a fight and I felt like I’m 13 again. I just.. I can’t concentrate at home, what ajoke.
Suffice to say, I don’t feel like eating anything, in fact the cheat made me feel pretty gross, definitely don’t feel like eating any more. I wish it was sunday already so I could just start back up without the cheat.
Anyway.. I’m trying to study.. I need to get through a week, I’m going to push through. I’m annoyed right now but w/e.. b/c my mom was calling me fat and then trying to get me to eat even though I’m dieting, thanks for the support. It’s still myfault for giving in, but yeah I’m not going to come home for several weeks.. I’ve decided to just come home again for Thanksgiving b/c it’s a lot of stress to be at home. 
It’s just not good. I’m going to Myles’ this weekend but we already planned out the food thing.. he’s dieting too right now and says he’s been losing, so it’ll be okay when I’m there.
I’m kinda pissed though for wasting the day with a stupid cheat like that, but I’m filling up on water the rest of day, mentally I really wasn’t in a “cheat’ mode if that makes sense.. meaning if I was at the dorm, I wouldn’t have cheated today. I had plenty of fruits and veggies.. w/e. I did have some fruit today though.
Whatever, I’m going to just continue on my day, study, not think about the cheat, and think about what a difference a week of dieting will do so I can just get through it. JEEEZ i’m getting frustrated with this! I just want to finish my diet up already.. I’m getting really pissed that I keep cheating.  

___________

It’s been hours since the cheat.. I haven’t cheated since. Been filling up on water and studying. I need to study more though. Thinking about the few days ahead just stress me out.. I have a midterm for Calculus on Tuesday, and a midterm on the lab for Planet Earth on Wednesday. The labs are open on Monday from 10-5 pm.. I have class from 2:30-5:20, not to mention a 1-2:20 notetaking class..
That leaves me 10-12:50 to look at the rocks and study em. I’m going to bring my digital camera and take pictures. I’m going to be super-busy and tired on Tuesday, not to mention that I’m going to need to study hardcore. I’m trying to get most of my calculus studying out of the way but it’s going at a slow pace. I have the rest of the evening though, and some of tomorrow. I guess I’ll need to wake up really early on Monday.. The problem is these are both of my harder classes.. and the week after is when I have my Culture and the Cold War midterm and my Physical Anthropology midterm - both of which I’m not worried about..
I don’t know.. it’s weird that I’m feeling okay with the diet b/c it’s reached a point of.. now or nothing, it’s mandatory and I must do this. But with everything else.. I don’t know how I feel. I get like this in the falltime especially.. but I don’t feel like I’m making enough friends. I had a fallout with my friends in hs.. and my close friends are busy with their lives at other schools… still in NJ.. but yeah. And I don’t know..
I didn’t really match up with the girls last year, I have some friends but not really close. Another “friend” I had here ended up being in the suite from the girls last year and she’s never around b/c her boyfriend is a frat founder.. my roommate is.. well we’re cool with each other and I’m nice to her n stuff but we don’t click with hanging out and such.

I don’t know.. I guess I’m feeling a bit depressed.. I’m over the diet attempt failures over the past b/c that isn’t where my real depression comes from, and odd enough, I think that will allow me to stick with the diet. Growing up I always had this sentiment that me being big was why I was shy and why I wouldn’t go make friends but honestly, it isn’t the weight b/c I still made friends… I’m not sure. I’m kind of a loner. I mean I’m not a party person, I don’t smoke or drink.. I mean, it’s occasional and with my boyfriend, I’m not comfortable to really do that with unknown people. It’s just.. I don’t know. I want the friendships I had in high school. I feel like… I don’t click with a lot of girls here, I mean I’ve made friends sure but nothing special… I don’t have anyone to call to come hang out with me anymore. I don’t know.
It’s just.. idk. it’s weird. Is it me? I don’t know.. do I close myself off? I don’t think I do.. I mean I tried. 
I need to join some clubs or something. I guess I need to be more social, I just don’t know how. In general, I click a lot better with guys than girls too but it’s weird to get close with guy friends b/c in my experience, they start to like you (aka my guy friend in nyc who my bf dislikes b/c of that fact).
Hmm, I don’t know. It’s weird, people will talk to me, but… we don’t click.. I don’t know
I need to meet more people. I feel so.. bored with life. Sometimes I feel like losing weight is the answer but it’s not, that’s just for myself. It’s stupid that I should let weight get in the way of whether or not I’ll make friends. Then I feel like I just need money… to do what? With who? Go shopping?  It’s another weird thing, that I feel like I’ve got to lose weight and buy all these stylish clothes to attract more people, and that may be true, but that doesn’t mean I should be a hermit for now does it? 

Rahh.
Oh well least I’m mentally on-track with my diet. I’ll update later tonight.  

My roommate is so damn loud. it’s really irritating me. I’m talking.. getting ready in the morning. And then her talking to me b/c she thinks I’m awake. OMG let me sleep! jeeez.. it’s soo annoying.
I’ve got to buy earplugs. She talks soo loud on the phone.. and omg.. I’m so annoyed with it. I didn’t sleep enough.. all I remember is hearing the door slam, drawers opening and slamming… I’m so mad.
W/e I need to buy earplugs.

Anyway.. a long day ahead of me.. (and no thanks to my roommate have I been able to sleep).
Going to go shower.. I’m going to take milk with me in a container to drink later.
I have one of those freeze things so the drinks stay cold.
Water water water water..
I’ll update later.

—
Had 2 glasses of milk and half a cup of yogurt.. I dissolved a little Crystal Light ( I have banana-strawberry-orange) in a teaspoon of water, and mixed it in with the plain yogurt…SO good! Tasted like regular flavored yogurt!! Was a nice treat.. Crystal Light has officially become one of those items I can’t do this diet without!
I liked it because with this diet, gelatin in Jello can sometimes slow people down on their weight-loss..
I think it slows me down a bit.. it’s nice once in a while… but the crystal light thing is good.

I need to go grocery shopping.. a few recipes I’d like to try out:

1 Eggplant
2-3 Red bell Peppers
1 Sweet onion
Squeezed lemon juice from 1/2 lemon
Cilantro and Parsley
- Baked, cool, peel, and chop the eggplant
- Add salt and lemon juice
- Chop the onion, cilantro and parsley and add to the mix
- Removed seeds from the pepper and cut in half
- Stuff each half with the eggplant mixture

^ That sounds really good!

Mock Nacho Cheese Sauce (this is what I’m going to try on Sunday)
4 small tomatoes
3 avocados (rahh.. expensive)
1 red chili pepper (whole, deseeded)
3 small red bell peppers
1 teaspoon of taco seasoning
salt & pepper
Blend it all up.

^I’m going to try that and use it as dip for carrots and something to stir up steamed veggies in.

Simple Soup
3 Large Tomatoes
3 Large Onions
kosher Salt
-Bake tomatoes and onions together after a generous heaping of salt
for 15 minutes at 350
- Once soft, boil in water until you get the consistency you desire.

^So easy!

Mango Sorbet
-1 chopped mango
-2 servings of Crystal light original orange flavoring

Dissolve the Crystal light in 4 oz of water and mix together with the chopped mango.
Puree until blended, pour into a dish, cover and freeze for several hours.

^ Sounds really good, I just need the mango!

Mango Lassi (I looove lassi!)
-sugar-free mango flavoring
-4 oz plain yogurt
-8 oz milk
Mix it all up, blend together with ice or pour over ice.

Anyways.. those are recipes I want to try. I’d like to do the eggplant or nacho cheese one sometime this week.. the shuttle takes us to Shoprite on Sunday..
If I can’t find everything, I could at least do the soup one.

Anyway.. got to go study for a bit. I’ll update later!

It’s morning. I drank about 4 glasses of water. I’m about to go take a shower..

It’s going to be a milk day.. I’m going to shower and be out for most of the day.
I’ve decided I’ve got to just do what I did at home.. and avoid the kitchen.
The stuff my roommate eats isn’t that appealing anyway..
I’m going to buy new converses tomorrow.. going to the mall after a long time and seeing all the clothing
might make me feel kinda bad about my weight right now but it’ll also inspire me to get through the day.
I’ll get through today. I’m going to update throughout the day to just keep myself accountable. The hardest time is during the night, but I will keep updating. I’m fed up with the cheating, I’m fed up with the weight..
So I’ve gotta just get through this. First few days..
When I bought the beads offline.. it was a while back so I’ve got to look for the site but I’ll post it.. still, I don’t recommend doing it until you’ve been with the doctor for a few weeks. If I could afford it, I’d still do it with the doctor (it’s a lot harder on your own), also, each week is a different spot, sometimes just the same spot as two weeks ago. In the times i’ve been there, I’ve noticed the main areas in the back of my ears they’ll place it, and sometimes his wife would do it or sometimes the staff, but they each seem to favor certain areas, and that’s how I know where to put it. There were times where I didn’t change the spot for more than 9 days where I noticed feeling hungry, but when I placed it correctly, I didn’t. So that’s how I know..
it’s different for everyone. I think if you get into the long-distance program and send pictures, they send you a chart or something? Maybe that would be more helpful.

Anyway, I’m glad people are reading this blog, it’s given me more incentive to keep going.
No matter what, I won’t quit. I can’t or I’ll go back to my prior weight. I’ve already gained some. I don’t want to gain anymore..
So my plan of attack for the day:
Water water water…
I come back from class at 3:50.. that’s when I’ll drink the two glasses of milk.
I’ll study a bit for calculus.. then work out again around 6.
Relax/study for calculus.. watch my fave show around 9…
I bought crystal light drink mixes.. so I’ll have that with water during the evening.. kind of like a treat?

I want to buy from fresh fruit, I still have kiwi’s.. but I really want banana’s and mango’s.. I might go home on saturday and then get some food.
I can get through today. Which is why I’m naming this 1 back.. my body’s got to go through the first week all over but I need to get through the first few days first.. these are when the cravings will start disappearing, but I’ve gotta discipline myself first. If I keep in mind my diet all day, I can get through it.. that’s why I’ll keep updating at certain points of the day.
I’ll update when I get back from class.

—-
stuck through it.. no cravings.. had two glasses of just milk.
I’m going to go to broad street with my roommate when she gets back to go buy some yogurt and maybe some spices. I want to buy yogurt and coffee filters.. I want to strain it out to make yogurt-cheese, since I love cheese I decided to do that. the only issue is that the when it gets separated, the watery part has all the healthy parts to it.. someone said they used it in soups or something? Weird, but we’ll see.
I have a dry-erase calendar, and I started tracking the days on it~ 23 days on the 31.. 54 Days by december 1.. which means I should lose about 30-35 pounds by my birthday, December 11.. aka, I should hit goal by then.. and that’s estimating that I weigh 160, so it was more to be generous. I should hit goal closer to Thanksgiving which is great. I wanted to work out later, but we’ll be walking around and I need to come back and study for my calculus quiz..
I will update again.

—
Today went well. Had a few sugar-free baskin robins candies, just plain milk throughout the day, no little cheats and no considerations of cheating either. 2 servings of crystal light, tons of water.. I’ve definitely gone down a bit on bloating and water weight, just from the day. Anyway, looking forward to getting through tomorrow.

I’ve got to focus. I’ll do the diet for a bit.. feel discouraged about my weight b/c I feel like I gained.. then I’ll cheat thinking whatever, it’s just another day prolonged. wow. I don’t understand it. I’ll do well for 2 days at the most.. I even worked out this week for an hour!
I have to be consistent.. It’s terrible, I need to get back to that place I was before.
It’s all b/c I’m in college too.. dealing with people around me, stress, food constantly around, stress, midterms.. not getting enough sleep because a roommate will have a guest over and they’re both loud as hell..

rawr. I’ve gotta get myself back together. good thing is i’m not binging..but on this diet, it doesn’t matter, every little thing sticks to you b/c of the whole chemistry of it, so I’ve gotta be careful. I’ve reached my end..
I feel too ashamed to post, but I’ve got to keep it real. I don’t even wanna look atmy older posts because I feel horrible.. but now that I think of it, maybe it could be inspirational. Not tonight though.. tomorrow morning it could be.
it’s tough, at home I was mostly alone, avoided food, very little, the treadmill was there in privacy, and i didn’t have distractions or stress constantly. it was just me, my diet, and the summer.
I guess that’s what it is.. so I’ve got to focus. I’ll update tomorrow throughout the day.. I figure I might need some type of structure to refer back to and bring me back on focus..