Changing my Life through Accu-weight Loss

——Edit: I wrote this yesterday, last night, but instead of publishing as a new post I hit new page, so I’m just copying/pasting it as a post now———-

Haha.. okay.. yeah.. soo… I haven’t been very good.

To update on where I left off.. my boyfriend did end up coming over that Friday, kinda last-minute. He ended up staying.. lol well 2 weeks. He left this morning and I came home this weekend so right now I’m at my house.
I attempted to start my diet back up but whenever he’s over, it just doesn’t work out. So I let go and relaxed.
I have to say that all the guilt I felt from eating and the fact that I already thought I still had more weight to lose made me feel like I totally failed and that I’d gone back to how I was.
In my head I know that I’m not there, it’s just the bloating and I’ve probably put on 5 pounds. I’d say I’m probably 150ish right now but no more.
It was a pretty bad cycle though, intense remorse and guilt. I’ve definitely gained around 5 but I won’t weigh myself right now because I can measure what I’ve gained based on how my jeans and clothes are fitting and I know that if I weigh, I will feel worse about myself and some of the weight will be water weight but it’ll make me feel worse nevertheless. To avoid that trap, I put my scale away under the bed.
I’ve decided to start up my diet on Monday..
It’s been.. about a month almost actually… I mean I technically dieted the first week/2 weeks but I cheated a lot and now I’m done with the food and I just want to lose the rest. I got pretty sick too, and I wanted to get back on track after my period but my boyfriend stayed longer when he saw I was sick and then he got sick too.. Again, not excuses, but really I couldn’t mentally prepare myself, especially not when he was there.
I kept cursing myself for getting off track but when I look… I haven’t done a lot of damage.. I lost a lot of time but the few pounds I gained will be lost within 2 weeks of the diet.. and another 3 weeks after that and I should be at goal. These two weeks went by quickly, and so will the next two weeks.. and the two weeks after that.
I’m actually.. really.. mentally ready to start. I’m home so I knowingly picked to start my diet on Monday b/c my mom cooks a lot of food during Ramadan and she’ll want me to eat, and all that temptation will be tough the first day so that’s why I chose Monday.
I’m going shopping tomorrow and I found out that I have a Trader Joe’s around me, and I’ve heard a lot about that place and it being healthy but cheaper than Whole Foods.. so I’m going there tomorrow to do my shopping.. I’m going to make a list tomorrow and get plenty of veggies/fruits and spices to try out some new recipes. I’m frankly sick of where I am right now and I’m prepared to start up on my diet again!
I.. probably won’t weigh myself the first week b/c even though I know it’s stupid in my head to let the number get to me, I know it will. I’ll use my clothes as a measuring gauge, I’ve done this long enough to know when I’ve lost even a pound.. so I won’t update on my weight til maybe the end of the first week or when I honestly feel like I can handle the scale again (which will probably be after the first week).

Anyway, I’m actually excited lol for next week because I did binge a few times, though.. in my head it was binging but in actuality it wasn’t.. And honestly, I just want to get this over with and even though I fell off for a bit, I can recover in no time and continue, this time with a better/stronger willpower. I kinda miss working out too and I’m starting that as well on Monday.
Anyway, diet-wise.. the past few weeks have been horrid but I really did enjoy the food and loved cooking with my boyfriend (he cooked a lot actually) and in retrospect, a few extra pounds was such a stupid reason for me to feel so insecure.. okay maybe I gained.. 5-10 pounds actually, looking back.. but like I said, I could lose it in no time, and all this shows is why I need to just finish my diet and transition off of it correctly… although I’m sure some of the gain was just me not caring about eating late and all that (it’s a bad habit that occurs whenever I’m with my boyfriend.. we ran outta food and just ate whatever was around and that was pretty bad too, but that’s why I gotta just plan out what food I’m going to buy.

Anyway, I’ve gotta just do this, I know I keep saying this but I can do this. Monday I am DEFINITELY updating.