Changing my Life through Accu-weight Loss

I’m going to write this because I need to and of course I’ve gotta stay honest with myself.
I’ve been on and off!

UGH!
I don’t know what it is.. well I do.. its the environment..
I just really need to get back on track.
Just too many things going on though.. I’ve been following my bf’s advice though of not binging, just that if I want to eat, eat a bit of it and save some for later or something..
Ehh.. just stress.. plus my wisdom tooth is growing and it HURTS! My left cheek is soo swollen and I can only focus because i took extra strength tylenol.. it hurt worse at night I beleive because of my retainer.. so i didn’t get a lot of sleep, I woke up at 6 AM (I had an 8:30 and didn’t plan on showering til after class) so I just ended up showering b/c my pain wasn’t going away..
So I gotta get that straightened out.. let’s not mention how the swollen cheek has given me delusions that my face is FAT… and.. ugh.
Just stress.. and not seeing my boyfriend this weekend.. his stress too, just worried about him that’s all.
It’s just stressful to get thrown back into all this work and reading.
Not an excuse, I’m being honest.. I should have prepared myself better but yeah.. I’m also close to my period too so you could imagine how I am.. I noticed I always cheat a week before my period lol.
But this isn’t just a cheat, it’s on-going though on and off.
I’ve decided instead of trying to start everyday, to not beat myself up.. b/c I am a LOT! my clothes are actually tighter.. but I do think some of it is from water retention.. but it’s depressing.
I know I’m still a lot smaller so I need to stop myself from feeling like I failed b/c it is a minor setback!

I need to just.. stop.. breath.. focus on everything individually… and I think I could conquer this stress-eating.
Not to mention it eating away at my wallet..
I think I could start tomorrow.. I say that because my eating has occurred mostly at night and I have a busy day plus a 6-9 class. It is a thursday too.. so I feel like if I could get through thursday.. and then friday I have no class just recitation.. Friday I will stay in the dorm probably and relax.. aka avoid the convenient store and subway that is right under this building.. I’m thinking about watching a movie or soemthing since i haven’t watched tv in a while..
I don’t know.. I say I’ll do this but ahh.
I know though, it’s easy to give up, but for what? I just got to take it as is, and keep pushing through.
=/
This is probably the weakest ive felt in my diet.. but.. I’ve got to just do it. this weekned I’m going home.. and on saturday my dad is bringing a blender.. so I’m going to stock up on foods and try out new recipes.
They put up some new recipes on the accu-weight loss website, accuweight.com
and some are soo easy to do, others take more time but time is something I have over here on Monday/Tuesday’s so I could still try em out.

*sigh* I also miss my boyfriend terribly. it’s.. been almost 4 months since i’ve seen him..
it’s just.. ugh I don’t know. and what’s going on with him too.. not that our relationship is going bad, just stress/worry. I’ll probably see him next weekend though..
The most stress though, the worst kind is from financial aid.. I don’t know what is up with it and the deadline is friday for me to pay tuition although the school’s financial aid still is processing my information.. so I ‘m REALLY worried about that and upset b/c dealing with the rutgers offices here are HORRIBLE! they don’t know what they’re doing, and they always make mistakes. they always take a lot of time and they never tell you things you need to know unless you know to ask questions and if not, you get some threatening e-mail that says they may cancel your classes. yeah.. it’s annoying. Plus I’m still waiting on some books to shift so I feel behind in some of my classes already and it’s only week 2! ugh! I have hw for tomorrow night yet I haven’t gotten my book yet for that class.. raah.

Oh yeah I have my first quiz for calculus on friday, and not a lot of time to study for it which means I should study for it tonight.. but I’m soo tired. I need a little mental break because the food obviously isn’t make matters better.. so I’m going to watch a movie online or something.

It has been such a LOONG busy day… a lot of running around. and go figure, I buy food when I want to relax. hmm. I need to just.. relax.. and prepare myself better.