Committed

Weigh in - 203.8, down 0.4 pounds for the week. I’m somewhat disappointed, but I’m keeping it in check because I have PMS and I know that accounts for about a pound, possibly more.

I’m going to keep on keepin’ on!!

This week I have a couple of challenges. I’ll be going to Ruth’s Chris Steakhouse tonight for dinner, and I love that food. I want to be careful not to eat too much. My approach to dinner will be to eat quantities that enable me to enjoy each course, not eat as much of each course as I possibly can snarf down.

The other challenge will be that the new quarter starts in school. The class looks tough, and school nights are always my weakness. I get really into the night time emotional eating thing when I have tough classes. My philosophy here will be to focus on getting the work done as best I can. If I need some light snacks to help that is OK.

I have so much anxiety about my weigh in.  I don’t know if I can take the disappointment that I believe in my heart is in store for me.

Ugh.  I gotta get ahold of myself.

What happened to the Random Blog link feature?  Am I the only one missing this?

Tomorrow is my day of weighing in. I really really really hope I lost weight this week. I know I’m only two weeks in, but I’m pinning so much hope on to my results this week. After losing weight last week for the first time in months, I was so happy to even know that it is still possible for me to lose weight. I had lost hope completely for so long. If I don’t lose weight this week I’m afraid I’ll lose hope again and slip back into my old habits of binging at night.

Last week I lost weight a little bit each day for a total of 3.4 pounds by the time the week ended. from 207.6 to 204.2. I did not want to weigh myself each day this week like I did last week, because its pretty emotional. I did not want to go through the ups and downs like that again.

This week I have a few things against me. I am showing signs of PMS, which usually means I gain a couple of pounds. I also ate huge portions for dinner on Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday. And, I’ve been snacking a lot (possibly from the PMS).

Fingers are crossed!!!

Its been a while since I have posted any entries here. But I am back. Its been a rough few weeks. Between school & work, I got really stressed last month and gained 7 pounds in less than a month.

It was a fairly steady gain that I saw happening. I knew I was contributing to the problem, but I did not want to admit it. I did not want to have to think about it. I kept thinking the scale would go back down on its own, at least a few pounds.

Then the scale settled at 207.6 this past weekend. The cloud of denial faded and I was hit with a tsunami of regret. I started obsessing about it, thinking about how disgusting I am. How I don’t deserve good things in life. I was humiliated. Wondered how anyone could love me. I moved on to thinking about counting calories and meticulous food menus. I was sad, angry, and anxious. I wanted it to be gone NOW because the feeling was unbearable.

And then I was exhausted by it all and gave up hope. I’ll admit, a part of me was ready to accept that I’d be fat forever and to just get used to the idea and enjoy the food.

I don’t know what changed, but it got better the next day. I started eating smart portions of really healthy food. And I stopped eating at night. I don’t want to jinx it, but its going ok. It was intuitive. I really want this effortlessness to last. I’ve already dropped over 2 pounds so far this week.
Best of all I feel back in control.