Committed

Today I cooked two new recipes after work. I can’t even believe I had the energy to do the dishes, but I did and then some! It was probably because these recipes were really fun and the finished products were very rewarding. The usual caveat applies: I am a beginner cook and tend to get overexcited about the smallest kitchen victories.

I’ll rewind a bit and start with what I cooked yesterday: Couscous Breakfast Bars. I found this recipe on Whole Foods’ website several months back when I had a neurotic obsession with finding recipes for healthy breakfasts using whole grains. At the time, this recipe and dozens of others went to the bottom of my “to try” list once the compulsive urge passed and I realized that I love having cereal for breakfast.

Anyway, I’m glad I came back to this one because they are delicious! And they will make a much better breakfast than the usual shredded wheat. I wrapped them up in plastic so they will be easy to grab and go. I strongly recommend this recipe for people on the go, and for parents who want a healthy snack handy for the kids (think “Deceptively Delicious” - sweet and healthy!). One hint - prepare yourself to plan ahead with this one; the batch must sit for at least 8 hours in the fridge for the couscous to set and harden.

Next: tonight it was Farro Pie. I don’t really know why I wanted to try this recipe, except that I have a curiosity for Italian food, especially farro (a type of Italian wheat). Once at a trade show I tried farro salad (farro, tomatoes, olive oil, parsley, balsamic vinegar, onions). It was hearty, light, flavorful, and like nothing else I’d ever eaten. Since then, I have been experimenting with farro.

This recipe turned out good also, but I can’t quite figure out the best way to describe it - or even how best to serve it. It might make a good side dish with eggs for breakfast, or with a salad for lunch. Maybe an alternative to bread with a meal…? Once again - plan ahead: this one requires that the farro be soaked overnight in cold water. I cooked my farro in a rice cooker (quick & easy!) but I read that its easy to cook like rice on the stovetop. If I figure out some serving ideas later on I will add as comments to this post.

And last but not least, I cooked a recipe from You: On a Diet (Rozen & Oz, 2006, p. 299): Vegetable Tofu Stir-fry. This one is super basic, and only requires about 5 minutes of vegetable chopping and another 10 minutes or so of actual cooking. It turned out really good, although I might try it with regular tofu next time instead of the pre-baked kind. This is a great vegetarian dinner idea for someone who wants something filling, healthy, filled with vegetables, and quick.

I would post some pics, but the camera still hasn’t recovered from the egg incident.

The only thing that bugs me more than people dissing overweight people for their different appearance (in the form of jokes, insults, etc.) is hearing the same from our plus-sized sisters (and brothers for that matter). How can we expect the overt discrimination that overweight people suffer every day to ever stop if we join them? I often hear people put themselves down about their weight in front of their thinner friends. I think its sad when people put themselves down, but when the punchline has to do with being fat, the insult extends to all overweight people.

Case in point, Kristey Alley. You may recall hearing about her recent significant weight loss. Immediately after she lost something like 75 pounds, she went on Oprah and talked about how disgusted she is when she sees her “fat” photos. I’m sorry, but am I the only person who thinks this is a rotten thing to say? It infers that all overweight people look disgusting. I also have a friend who has lost probably 80 or more pounds in the last year. She looks great, but every time you see her she talks about how its not enough, she still looks fat, and she has a long way to go before looking “halfway decent”. All of this supports the belief that being fat makes all of us less valuable.

In recent years I have come to understand that this sort of behavior is rooted in fear - fear of fat because this society and culture values thinness above all else. In other words, when people, fat or thin, make these deragatory comments its just their own projection of fear about becoming fat and subsequently unaccepted. But it still doesn’t make it ok.

I may have days where I don’t like being fat. I may even hate being fat, but I never dislike myself as a person for it.

Even though the fat-haters would like to think so, being fat does not change your ability to have a great life. Big suprise - we can fall in love, have others fall in love with us, have a terrific sex life, build fantastic careers, be great parents, offer sincere caring and friendship to others, and be generally productive members of society - all despite the weight! In a society where overweight people are marginalized, I sometimes find I must overcompensate to make a positive impression by focusing more on my confidence and self-esteem, my education and intelligence, my sense of humor, and my heart-felt abilities to care for all those around me. I consider this side effect to be a gift that has made my life richer.

Comparitively, I have a much better life now than when I was 115 pounds. Yes, I have been fat and I have been thin. I have always struggled with my weight, but for the most part I was thin until my mid-twenties, and then I gained a significant amount of weight and am now over 200 pounds. When I was thin, I obsessed about food and eating. I felt terrible about myself if I gained even 5 pounds. I valued my appearance over all else - at the cost of my mental health. Back then, going from 120 pounds to 135 pound made me beat myself up endlessly and consider myself worthless.

I like myself a lot better now, and I have a more satisfying life now than I ever had then. I have a renewed focus on education and am building a satifying and meaningful career. I take better care of myself by trying to eat natural, organic, and homemade foods instead of instant, frozen, or fast food. I have shinier hair, better skin, and healthier habits than I had before. I am kinder to myself, which then helps me be kinder to others. My values have changed for the better. Does this mean that I want to remain overweight? Absolutely not. It just means that there is a lot more to me than the number on the scale, and it is possible to have a good and even great life while being overweight.

So today I tried a new recipe without as much success as my previous experiences this week.

It was a recipe for roasted tofu & vegetables from one of my many weight watchers recipes. I was so excited because it looked so healthy and colorful and veggi-licious. But it was bland, bland, bland. And the real veggies didn’t roast the way they did in the fanstasyland of my mind.

You might then wonder why the hell I ate all of it (4 servings)? I have no idea.

So far this week, I’ve cooked two new recipes. One was a full meal (mango chicken with coconut rice), and the other was a vegetable side dish (sesame broccoli). Cooking is becoming fun & challenging, and I’m excited to continue experimenting. Before I was always discouraged by all the failed attempts, not to mention the mess and dirty dishes. But now that is all changing!!

The chicken dish turned out great. I am looking forward to cooking more with mango, as it made a fantastic sauce!! My only concern about the recipe was that the coconut milk in the rice added unnecessary fat & calories. I will look for a reduced cal version next time, and will make some other minor adjustments.

The broccoli was also great, but too salty. I will definitely cook it again but will adjust the recipe a bit to my own taste. It called for sesame oil, soy sauce, sesame seeds, and salt / pepper.

Today I’m having emotional struggles with the number on the scale. My approach has been to make sustainable lifestyle / behavior changes that will lead to a healthy weight. Well, so far, I’ve changed my lifestyle and behavior but not necessarily in any way that will lead to achieving or maintaining a reasonably healthy weight. I did some research on Meridia, and it sounds like a nice back up option; I’m just not ready to take that leap just yet. In the meantime I will continue reading my books about eating disorders (right now I’m reading Eating by the Light of the Moon and I love it!).

Today’s food journal:

Breakfast:
soy latte
whole wheat bagel

Snack:
Skim Latte

Lunch:
fresh mozarella sandwich on wheat
fruit salad

Snack:
3 small clementines

Dinner:
Flank steak
broccoli
Wild rice w/ vinaigrette

This week I hope to get my focus back. I was totally derailed last week when one of my pets was injured. I felt horribly guilty about staying home to care for her, and so I went on a 3 day candy binge. Which makes perfect sense I suppose. NOT.

Last week I was not able to post the finished mini-fritattas. I really liked the way these turned out so I have a shot of the cooking process instead, which my egg mixture and the veggies. Of course once the camera fell into the eggs I had to start that part over again. But the fritattas and the camera both recovered.

To make these, it was very easy. The only part that took a lot of time was chopping the veggies because I used fresh everything, but you could easily opt for pre-chopped frozen ingredients and get the same effect. I whipped up some eggs with milk and ricotta cheese, and then stirred in some veggies (chopped zucchini, mushrooms and spinach). I poured the mixture into muffin cups (some were heart shaped, which added to the fun!), topped with lowfat cheeses and baked. It was so great!!

I don’t have the numbers but its relatively lo-cal, and very high protein with a little fiber mixed in. Very nutritious, especially if you cut out some egg yolks and use the reduced fat ricotta. I loosely followed a recipe I found online, but adjusted it to my own liking.

The reason I like these is that they take the edge of the hunger in times of need. You can freeze them, and just microwave one or two for a quick breakfast, or you can eat one to take the edge off between meals. And they pack up very nicely for the office.

This recipe and the chili I posted last week are in full alignment with my goal of finding recipes that fit into my busy life. I used to be a slave to convenience foods like lean cuisine and fast food. I stopped when I discovered that I have some food allergies that were making me sick, so I’ve had to start cooking at home more to gain control over what ingredients go into my food. So all of my recipes are easy, healthy, convenient, and delicious!

I’m still learning basics, and I will admit I have a long way to go.  Experienced cooks will find that my recipes are boring and perhaps too simple.  Only other novices and non-chefs will understand.  I have a few more recipes I’ll be trying this week. If the camera cooperates I’ll keep ‘em coming!

PS - I realize I’ve misspelled frittata at least 2 different ways in this posting and that its possible that neither one is correct. But I just don’t care!

“For a long time it had seemed to me that life was about to begin - real life. But here was always some obstacle in the way, something to be gotten through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, or a debt to be paid. Then life would begin. At last it dawned on me that this was my life. This perspective has helped me to see that there is no way to happiness. Happiness is the way.”

- Souza

My to do list got a little out of control today, so I didn’t get everything done that I wanted. I did get to make my three bean chili, which helps me get through the week at work without hitting the vending machine.

1 large can roasted tomatoes
1 can each of 3 different types of beans, such as kidney, navy and black
1 small can of green chili’s
1 medium onion, chopped
4 small zuchinis, chopped
1 red pepper chopped
1/2 tsp each of salt, cumin, chipolte pepper, chili powder, and cayenne pepper - more or less to taste

Combine ingredients, and simmer for 20 minutes. Serve over brown rice with mozarella cheese and sour cream.

After finishing the chili, I started on a mini-frittata recipe. The idea is that you make a frittata in muffin cups so that they are more portable and in single size portions (also for the office!). While my husband was taking some great action shots of me using the handheld mixer to blend egg & ricotta cheese he accidentally dropped the camera into the egg mixture. So needless to say I do not have any photos of the egg muffins. It is a bummer to, because they turned out great!!

Happy New Year, Chickies!!

You may notice I have a new look in the new year!  In addition to changing the look & theme of my blog, I hereby resolve to write more entries for 2008 than I did in 2007 - and more meaningful, purposeful, thoughtful entries to boot.  In addition to the usual food journaling and random thought sharing, I will also share some recipes I’ll be experimenting with.  And of course I will also share any insights (of my own or those of other people) I gain along the path toward a life of sustainable healthy living.

2007 was a definite success.  When I look back on journal entries from this time last year, all I wanted was to prove to myself that I was not a slave to food; that I could say no if I wanted.  I did accomplish that, and I built some better eating habits in the process!!  I almost always choose whole wheat over regular grains when I have the chance, and I’m much better about sneaking vegetables into my diet.  Best of all, I now know how to get OFF the sugar treadmill.  I still have work to do, but I feel great to be going forward.

I not only made some positive changes in my approach to food, but I also developed some solid exercise habits as well.  I exercised at least 5 times a week nearly all year long.  Even though the duration or intensity was sometimes not necessarily notable (only 10-15 minutes at 2.5 mph on bad days), the fact that I got into my workout shoes and got on that thousand-dollar treadmill was enough for me to celebrate.  Frequency and consistency is the hardest part!  Well, for me it has been until now.

The only area of disappointment for me in 2007 was that over the last few months of the year, I gained back much of the few pounds I lost over the previous several months.  It was a setback but nothing I can’t overcome.

For 2008, I want to up the ante a bit, and approach my lifestyle more holistically.  For example, I want to cook my own food more; in this case, upping the ante means keeping a tidier, more organized kitchen that facilitates frequent cooking.  I also want to incorporate exercise in small amounts throughout my day, therefore I will need to plan ahead to make time, have my shoes nearby, and so on.

I’m really excited about 2008, not just because of these resolutions and others, but because of my best resolution ever - which is to stop waiting to live my life because of my weight.  I read an article somewhere recently that pointed out the words weight and wait are homonyms and how ironic that is.  Tahiti, here I come!