OK.  Certain things are taking shape the way I want them to, and I’m not just talking about my body.   I have an event in three weeks and I’m pretty confident that I’ll look and feel just the way I want to;  the money thing is going well;  and I took an absolute killer core class at my gym Wednesday.  The next day to my amazement, I noticed I have a waist!

It’s like I have two voices now; the one that’s proud to have a waist and the other one that says, “what are you going to do now, get all pretty just to satisfy cultural demands and  then let some bastards come along and abuse you again?”   It’s hard to face,  the remembering I talked about in the last post;  the strongest memory is not of being thin or being pretty, but of being devastatingly unhappy, more than at any other time, more than when I was broke or unemployed or homeless. 

Holy crap.  Regardless of my body shape, I certainly have a fat story!

What if I really keep extra weight on because I remember how much abuse I took when I was thin?

No new pics to share. I’m not that brave. I am, however, working out three or four times a week, and taking care of other business like managing my money properly, getting my car maintained, staying current with friends and so on.

There’s a tremendous morass around money and food for me; it of course relates to the basic Freudian over-identifying of money with father and food with mother, and having been through phases of going severely without one or the other - one by choice, one by default - it seems the less money I have, the more food I want. I wonder if other people have the same experiences??