So. After being diagnosed, I went through your usual why me? and self-pity and defiance. I still have some of that. Kinda like with weight loss, I know what to do, I just don’t always do it. I have to eat low sodium, low animal protein, and little to no caffeine (which has been almost unbearable). I can’t have anything for pain that is not Tylenol. I have to be careful with lifting & contact sports. And yes, someday I will need a new kidney.

That’s where Tolvaptan comes in. You can click the link to read more, but it’s basically supposed to shrink my kidney cysts & prevent new ones from growing in.

At the beginning of the trial, the doctor said to me, “I see many people with this disease, and some of them, I can say, ‘You won’t ever have a problem with your kidneys, you will never need transplant.” Then he looked right at me & said, “I cannot say the same to you.”

More recently, a different doctor pulled up my results from my MRI last December. She said, “These white spots on the screen, those are your cysts.” Then she said, “I’m blinded.”

These things are a bit hard to take. I usually wait til I get to the airport to cry. The last 3 years have been amazing, inspiring, and very very hard. I weighed 277 when I began the study. My kidney dr here in town threatened that if I didn’t lose 25 pounds that he was going to recommend me for gastric. I went back to him weighing 28 pounds less & he was very very happy. I haven’t seen him since. 4 visits to the kidney doctor a year was enough.

So this trial is coming to an end. I was so happy. I was going to concentrate on my weight loss, really kick it into high gear. I know what everyone’s thinking, why can’t you start today? Make it a good day today? Well, my eating is not that horrible, it’s the thing that got me to this weight in the first place–lack of exercise. I hate it. I don’t enjoy it. I feel stupid, always have. Always sucked at sports, and the gym teachers were always always ALWAYS more interested in the more athletic kids. I really do think they should have focused on those of us who were less comfortable with physical activity. Jerks.

But I digress. I used to eat a grapefruit every day for a snack. Gave them up in 2004 due to the meds. I was looking forward to having my favorite snack back. I was looking forward to being able to get on with my life, and not be tied down to the schedule of the meds.

The side effects are excessive thirst & frequent urination. At first it was bad, but now it’s more bearable. And if it keeps me off dialysis, I’m all for it!

So I spoke to my nurse, she said they are doing it, we would talk about it at my visit but that the drug company would continue to pay for my travel. I would go off the meds on 12/19/08 & go back on it in 2009 when the trial started back up. I have decided I am going to do it. I will be doing both the weight loss & the Tolvaptan. Not a huge deal. I just have to work on getting my butt MOVING.

So that’s where I am at. Hope everyone else is had a great weekend! xoxox

Not a happy girl. Not sure what I’m gonna do. I was so close to being done I could taste it.

Had to edit, I have lost 2 pounds since I have been here last, hooray!!!!!

I keep a box of cereal next to the computer, for late night snacking. Haven’t touched it since before they upped my dose.  I have to watch my portion sizes now, or I will be miserable all day long.

Also, I am used to making a certain amount of food for my lunches. No more. I made a can of chicken rice soup (lo-so of course), a can of frenched green beans (no-so) and popped open a can of pineapple chunks. I had maybe 5 bites of both the green beans & 5 bites of the pineapple. That was it.  Today we had a taco food day @ work. I ate one plate of chicken nachos. That was it.

This is going to force me not to be a stress eater. I won’t be able to eat my emotions. I won’t be able to comfort myself with a pint of Ben & Jerry’s. I won’t be able to come home from a hard day & lose myself in a bowl of hot pasta with red sauce.

I am going to have to work very very hard to try to keep to the smaller portions more often throughout the day and stick hard to the DASH principles.

It’s the end of an era, and I’m not sad. I don’t know what the future holds, but goodbye, Overeating.  You were always there for me, but our relationship was not a healthy one. Food & I get along great, I am willing to try anything, and I know you loved how adventurous I was. But now that the sleep apnea is all but gone you have no place in my life, Overeating. Goodbye.

Part of the sleep deprivation & waking up from it is, I notice a lot more things that before, I would have let slide. Behaviors, the way I am treated, etc. No more. Not having it. This has caused some conflicts as people get used to treating you one way & they get comfortable with the roles we all have. Too bad. I’m worth more than that.

Losing weight is coming much easier now. I have a box of the Kashi Cheerios next to the computer & haven’t touched them all week except for when I truly was hungry. That is so nice!!!

Other than that, not much. It’s such a big thing though, finally being awake.

My dad is back at the hospital for observation more than anything. He will be fine from what I’m told. Can’t afford the gas to go see for myself.

Sleep apnea going…ok I guess. They have me on meds for waking up in the AM, but it’s been rough trying to figure out the right combination of meds in the AM & pressure in the AutoPap in the evenings. I’m handling it alright I guess.

Shaved my legs the other day & it felt so good I wondered why I don’t do it more often. LOL I’ve been using the Johnson’s Softwash Melt Away Stress bodywash & it smells great, keeps my skin nice and worked great for a leg shave.

It’s not gotten hot enough here to put the A/C in the window (and I may regret typing this as it may tempt the fates) so I’ve just been using a fan in the window. The only drawback to this is my next door neighbor likes to grill out & burn stuff in his big barrel. hahaha, but it hasn’t made me crave a big juicy cheeseburger, so that’s good.

Cleaned out my car, including the trunk. Time to start on the apt but wanted to check in. xoxox

Doing well on the diet. Working on the exercise, as always. Water never a problem.

My feet have puffed up & haven’t gone down. I know since it’s shark week the hormones & water retention & etc, but jeez! So I’m biting the bullet & going as salt free as possible. I’ve done it before & I can do it again.

I’ve also been fighting a cold this week. Why is it when there’s multiple things going on that I have an epiphany? I think I am taking a few days off next week or the week after. The sleep machine works nicely & the wakey pills make my days brighter. I need a couple days where I don’t have anything else scheduled. We’ll see if I get it.

Hope everyone else has a great weekend. xoxox

Work has been crazy. I’m trying not to medicate with food, but 34 years of that is hard to forget overnight. I had a southern style chicken sandwich at McD’s today (ugh, don’t bother, they are just trying to rip off Chick Fil A, which I think we can all agree is the superior chicken product) but instead of fries & a coke, I got the fruit/yogurt parfait & also the fruit salad. Fries just don’t do it for me unless it’s a very specific kind.

Got my labs back from Mayo Clinic, and my uric acid is up. After some searching online, high amounts of vitamin C can cause this level to rise. High levels of uric acid can mean kidneystones or gout.

I have been chomping a chewable vitamin C with every iron pill. Vitamin C helps the iron be absorbed. Well, **** THAT. I don’t need kidney stones or gout on top of everything else.

Anyone want 20-30 unused vitamin C tabs?