Comtemplative
But also in the right mindset to make things happen. 
It’s good to get some perspective.
About the trainer, we will see, it’s a lot of $$ to spend on one afternoon. Also, the nurse from the program called me to say she might have an alternative for me. So we’ll see what happens.
I had breakfast today with family @ Perkins. I got the Egg Beaters, and it was my big meal today. I snacked on clementines, almonds, and milk for the rest of the day. I’m hungry now, but can’t eat b/c of the acid reflux. I also bought some Sierra Mist Free to help the heartburn.
At this breakfast was a relative I grew up with. My uncle was 4 when I was born, so we were more like brother & sister growing up. We both got chubby, and he lost a lot of weight when he was about 19 & has struggled with his weight on & off ever since. EVERY TIME I see him, he has to mention losing weight. The last 2-5 times I’ve seen him have been ‘chubby’ times for both of us.
This is the relative who, when I told him I was diagnosed with my kidney disease, asked me if weight has anything to do with it. Unbelievable.
He wonders why we aren’t as close as we used to be. Let me see…might it be that I already know I’m fat? lol I already know I need to lose weight. I see him as a killjoy. And it makes me mad because is that how he sees people everyday? I’m his family. So that gives him a free pass? I don’t get it. He is never mean about it, just very matter of fact. But I once had a dream about him where I was going to go to work with him & meet everyone there, and I was so excited. In the dream, he dropped me off at the gym across the street instead of taking me to his work & said he would be back for me at lunch. I’m not Freud, but that’s a pretty good indication.
When I was 14 he would tell me he wanted me to lose weight because he knew how guys thought & how they treat big girls. On one hand, it can be construed as sweet. On the other hand, those who live in glass houses, etc.
I generally only see him a few times a year. Coincidentally, we began to grow apart pretty much when I was 14-16. I don’t think it can be repaired, but I am cordial when I see him. I have no reason to be otherwise. Do I think we will ever have that kind of relationship where I can go to him if something is bothering me? No. Those days are over.
So these were some important realizations today. Also, he has sleep apnea, too! His machine is set at twice what mine is. *shakes head*
Is it wrong to want to lose weight to show someone up? I kinda do, but it goes along with all the other benefits (clothes fitting better, improved health, etc) and I think today was important to see that it will never change as far as he’s concerned.
So I saw a sample diet plan in a magazine from a few years ago (Your Diet) and bought some things from that to have for meals. Everything I bought today was healthy. I can’t wait to see him in May for the family reunion.
2 Responses to “Comtemplative”
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December 31st, 2007 at 1:07 am
Go you, you can do this. In May you will knock his socks off!!
December 31st, 2007 at 6:23 am
I don’t think there is anything wrong w dieting for revenge or to show someone up. You need a motivation that is very meaningful to YOU not to anyone else!
Go for it!