And so it begins
People, I have had enough. This ends tonight.
I’m sick of that all consuming feeling that has been festering in the back of my mind for years. Always thinking about how fat my thighs look in my trousers, thinking about how that girl across the street has such a flat ass while mine is bulging out and jiggling whenever I’m out walking, thinking about food all the time- even when I’m not hungry, thinking about my last binge and the feelings of disgust and depression that always accompany these binge sessions. Just always being obsessed with my weight and wishing to be skinny like my friends (yes yes, I am the token fattie in my group) So it ends here. I have to take pro-active steps to take control of my life before it spirals out of control and I end up old and fat and alone- which is my biggest fear in life
Recovering alcoholics remember their last drink- and I will always remember my last binge today on the
21st of August 2008.
Never again will I eat until I feel uncomfortable or physically ill. My diet starts today. It is not going to be restrictive as I have learned that restrictive diets lead to me just binge eating. But a sensible diet as I am an adult (as of a fortnight ago) who has power over how my body will look (and I want it to look like a gazelle, not a hippopotamus)
Hunger is a good thing. My mantra is “a moment on the lips, a lifetime on the hips (or ass and thighs in my case).” Everytime I have my hand poised over the biscuit tin or the spoon hoovering above the tub of ice cream… stop, put the temptation away and just think, “sure it’ll taste good NOW but when it’s finished, I will inevitably get that feeling of guilt, shame and disgust that follow after I’ve been stuffing my face with sugar, fat and carbs. So to avoid those horrible horrible feelings and to STAY ON MY ROAD TO WEIGHT LOSS… just don’t eat the crap. It REALLY isn’t that difficult. And I am just burying myself deeper and deeper into this black hole that will only end in obesity… NO WHERE ELSE, and that is the honest truth that I’m going to have to face up to.
So everyday I’m going to write up what I’ve eaten for the day, what exercise I’ve done and then a diary of my general sentiments during my day to day life… WISH ME LUCK
Filed under: Uncategorized on August 21st, 2008
Good luck. I hear that people who lose the most and keep it off are those that journal what they are eating. So you are out to a great start!