just 10 more

OK  I finally got on it Sunday……….and I was up 10lbs. from my lowest. 10lbs!!!!!  I’m low, low, low these days. It’s one thing to blithely chat about it “not being a diet; it’s a lifestyle” but the reality of that statement and the “foreverness” of it just sucks.  Part of me wants to just give up; honestly, a BIG part of me—-now I have almost 20lbs. to reach goal which I’ve only come within 8lbs. of at my best, and that was OVER a year ago.  It’s depressing.  I see quite a few other long timers here falling by the wayside and that certainly doesn’t help either.  My 30+ lbs. gone is slowly getting chipped away.

I’ve been bruised, sore, and battered for just over a week.  Rachel was in season and slammed me into the doorway of her stall when she went ballistic when they ran the other mares out to pasture by her.  A. got semi-pinned against the stall wall during this.  We both ended up at the dr.–I wanted to make sure she didn’t have a cracked sternum or ribs and wanted to get my huge bruises checked since I take daily ASA.  I repeat,  “I AM NOT A HORSE PERSON”.  In Rachel’s defense, since she’s “lead mare” the stable people should have known not to run them by her like that; it was pretty dangerous to both A. and me.  We have LOUDLY made our position clear on this. Hopefully there will be only one more week of icing her lower legs and the farrier can fit her for special horse shoes.  I told her owner that we can’t make it 3 days this week and it’s his job to do those days.  If she’s not in season, it’s not been too bad.

I have made it to the gym—tm is ok but I can’t do all the exercises (especially those involving  my right arm and shoulder which took the brunt of Rachel) so I just do what I can.  Will try for a half hour on the bike in the garage today.

Other than that, been quite busy with things at A.’s h.s.  Worked a big race in pouring rain last week-end; an 8K. 

See ya, chickadees.

The East coast progress of a friend from our local running club can be found at runnerssociety.com……..this is Tommy, a neat (albeit crazy) guy I’ve known about 10 yrs.  He’s running from Maine to Florida, on his own, pushing a baby jogger with his supplies to raise money for Ronald McDonald houses and staying in the houses along the way.  He and his wife lost a 2 yr. old girl to cancer and he never forgot the comfort afforded by the Ronald McDonald house at their hospital.  Last year he set some kind of tm record to raise money for them.  Check it out and maybe consider running a bit with him if the route comes near you; he loves company.  Or…even better, give a few bucks if you can!  GO TOMMY!!!!

Late last night I had one of those “moments”; I realized it was Sept. 19 and the 17th anniversary of my dad’s death.  Brought back some memories, it did.  He died the month before I got pregnant; how he would have loved A.

Food was good today except for 3 candy bars, which kind of erase the good food part.

Made it through another ice pack application on Rachel w/o getting killed.  I told the owner he needs to do the ice Mon. and Tues. evenings as I have meetings (partly true)…….he really needs to get in on this “fun”.  Tonight the stable owner came out as we were getting beat up by her and said his wife sings to her when they do it during the day………so, there I was, singing to a horse.  Note: she does NOT like “Puff, The Magic Dragon”……..does like “Happy Birthday”, “500 Miles”, “Amazing Grace”, and “Do, A Deer”.  Any horsey song suggestions, anyone?

A. has a nasty nose thing going on; not sure yet if it’s alllergies or a cold coming on.   She worked today and she’ll do a couple hours tomorrow too pony walking  at a church party.

Well, I made it here 2 days in a row!  Got to make this a good habit again if I can. G’nite chickadees!

Maybe that sounds too depressing.  Well, anyway, besides rain (we had about 6 in. one night),  A. was clearing the table at Panera’s last week and managed to knock her root beer into my lap.  Then, on Monday, I was having lunch with the exercise ladies at Olive Garden and the server lost control of his tray and I had ice water  and ice down my back.  Poor kid, he was sooo horrified that he did it.  What are the chances of something like that happening to anyone twice in a week?????  On the bright side I now have a $50.00 credit there.

Big thanks to Patti for the pic instructions; I promise to use them to actually try to do it one of these days.  I do enjoy seeing everyone else’s.

We have been chainsawing limbs and cleaning up major debris that fell into the yard from the latest storm.  Heavy, tough work.

I have all the orchestra girls measured for their new gowns……..went smoothly.  They seem to be nice kids.  The teacher wants the order based on bust size; well, hmmmmm, I think some of them are going to be able to SWIM in those dresses cause some of those girls are little except for that.  We’ll see.

The news on Rachel is bad, in fact, awful.  She has laminitis; from what I read I think this is what finally did the great Barbaro in.  The stable owner is packing her feet in ice every am and we are going out and doing it at night.  She’s on medicine—right now she stinks to the high heavens as the stuff is excreted through her pores.    AND, on a starvation type diet to try to take weight off quickly.  I feel bad for her but she was a pistol tonight; trying to get her to stand still in the ice packed boots we made for her (blue jeans legs sewed shut at the bottom with bungee cord over her back to keep them up) was just about impossible and she’s supposed to be still for 15 min. when all she wants to do is circle the stall which she’s confined to.  I am not a horse person, I’m scared to death in that stall, but A. can’t do this on her own so I’m drafted as her owner is not about to.  I hover as close to the door as possible ready to make my escape.  Don’t know how long this is going to go on and I resent being put in this position.  I think a lease on a different horse is needed; or none at all.

We had a dr. appt on A.’s osteonecrosis; dr thinks the area looks a bit more diffuse, possibly a good sign…go back for another x-ray and visit mid- Oct.

The air show is here–Blue Angels have been buzzing all over the past few days and the noise is triple what the jets from the base usually make.  I  hope noone is killed this year.  No, we won’t be going.  I’m one of the very few people who never saw Top Gun—why should I pay to hear jet noise???  Get way too much of it for free.

I’ve made it to the gym all three days for the last 2 weeks—-2 perfect weeks; but just doing tm and ladies lite aerobics, have to get back to weight machines and rower yet.  Food—-one step forward, then I blow it.  Can’t seem to get back on that horse (bad choice of word).  Have not been on scale yet.

That’s the news update, chickadees; have good week-ends everyone.  I’m not having time to keep up here as much as I’d like although I do think about y’all every day; hopefully this will improve.

Off kilter the last few days—nothing major, constant slight headache, a little lightheaded/dizzy, maybe slight temp off and on…..keeping up with things, just getting fed up with it.  Slowly getting caught up with most everyone’s blogs.

School started very smoothly this year, same bus driver for A. and pick-up about 6:30, so a little extra time to sleep, even.  Orchestra teacher asked me to volunteer as her parent rep.; I like her, should be doable.  We’ve had one meeting with interested parents……..I think 5 women showed up, at least 2 of which never said a word the entire time.  Hmmmmmm.  I’m spending part of 2 days measuring new girls for concert gowns next week so we can get them ordered.  I’ve reserved time for one fundraiser—-gift wrapping for  donations at Christmas at a local book store.  Have a meeting next week with 2 of the speaking women to brainstorm about concert receptions–food, decorations, etc.   Will chaperone to local out of school concerts and competitions but not the big 3 day trip (A doesn’t want to go).  Can’t help with lighting/special effects.  Don’t want to be in charge of the newsletter—but I will contribute to it.  That’s about it.

Rachel gave me a good bump with her nose last night; guess I wasn’t paying enough attention to her.  Almost knocked me over.  Bad horse.

Sorry, I can’t post pictures; my computer abilities are minimal—this is about it, other than email and using google.

Food is very slowly getting under control; however I’ve developed a fondness for 80 cal. peanut butter cups…..problem is, one leads to another etc.  Trying to have 2 cups of decaf green tea every day.  Been too high on the sodium too, lately.  Have made the gym twice this week and planning on tomorrow too.

Keep wondering if any of the butterflies in my yard are my two.  Good day, chickadees.

We are back and I’m doing mountains of laundry and trying to put the house  together after having dh here on his own for almost 2 weeks (a nightmare, believe me).  I think I’ll probably have to spend a good part of the next month getting caught up; as if one EVER does.  We ran into some heavy rain from Faye (?) on the way home.

The trip was fantastic; no fights or even little tiffs with my daughter.  We got along great and made some wonderful memories. The dog proved to be a super camper (of course SHE was the only one who had her bed along).  First night we stayed in Falling Waters, WVa.; lovely little campground.  Camped right on the bank of a stream (I kept having visions of a flash flood); only drawback was that I could hear some of the trucks from the highway.  This was where I learned that tall tree stumps look just like bears in the middle of the night when you have to crawl out to pee.  I also learned NOT to drink after 5 pm and avoided this problem the rest of the trip.

The next evening we arrived at Knoebels and set up camp there and spent a lot of time in the park.  We used it as our base to visit relatives and friends (most of whom thought we were crazy not to accept the invitations to stay at their homes) and had some visit us at the campground.  One day I took A. to see where my father grew up; a small town called Glen Lyon.  It was very sad for me; my grandparents home is in terrible shape—really hard to see it that way.  I visited my parents graves; weeded and watered the geraniums.  We went for drives, saw Amish people and hex signs on barns and went to World’s End State Park.  We had some chilly nights where it got down in the 40’s.   We had a campfire, toasted marshmallows, etc.  I swear we were the only 2-person tent anywhere; everybody either had RV’s (thought about you, Patty!!!) or huge tents with multiple rooms that sleep about 9.  Since all we were doing was sleeping in it, the tent was fine for us.  Only one morning of rain and the tent did leak a bit—–well, my dh did buy it back in the 1970’s overseas and it’s just been stored in the garage.  Anyway, no problems sleeping; in fact, one night, I slept over 10 hours—got to be some kind of record.

On the second day of the trip back, in the rain, we stopped at a horse show in Warrenton for A.  Betsy was terrified of the horses.

My butterflies (black swallowtails) emerged today within hours of each other and I set them free, so glad I got here in time to see them do it.  I have one left of the three in the house and it’s still in cat stage.  I set up a cat observatory for my neighbor tonight; she’s got a couple fat ones that she’s been protecting in her yard and wanted to see the whole process w/o having to run into her yard to check on them 50 times a day.

Good to be back, chickadees!!!!  Have not been NEAR a scale; don’t even want to talk about it.  Will get caught up on blogs over the next few days!  Hope everyone is doing well.

RubyJean was writing about fascinating and favorite words; well this is one of mine.  I have always been fond of the way it just kind of rolls off the tongue…..and it’s sort of a happy word too. Makes me smile. Right now I have a plethora of swallowtail butterfly caterpillers on my parsley.  In fact, since giving them some simple protection in the form of window screening they have decimated my parsley and I’m buying bunches at the grocery store to keep them happy and growing.

Things with A. are still not right; it’s like living with a thunderstorm.  I realize she’s acting out about the no running and limbo of the status of her foot but that doesn’t make it any easier.  I’m updating here now cause I don’t know when/if I’ll get another chance for a couple weeks.  We leave Monday on our epic wandering camping trip…..A, me, the dog and a 2-man tent.  Ultimate destination: Knobels Grove Amusement Park; mid-eastern Pa.  Talked about taking the laptop along and the verdict is no from dh who won’t let go of it.

A. is working at a birthday party as a pony walker right now.  When she gets home, I’ll take her to one of her mowing jobs.  She bought her first bikini yesterday; always had one pieces for swim team.  She did OK; bought 2 tops and one bottom, at Target, pretty conservative considering what I thought she’d end up with. 

Made it to the gym yesterday: tm and ladies lite aerobics.  Food has been so-so; still not about to get on a scale yet.  Bought a large cooler for the trip so I will not starve; yeah, like there was EVER any danger of that happening.

Have to show dh how to care for the caterpillars, how I water the garden, how to mix the sugar water and clean the hummer feeders——hmmm, it would be easier to just stay home as I know I’ll worry about all this.

Take care, chickadees, and think of me at night and please send out a wish that the ground I’m on is not too hard as you all snuggle in your nice comfy beds.

Inspired title, huh?  Just kind of blah and numb now—life goes on and all that; oh, and still angry, don’t forget angry.  Sure tired of feeling like this but can’t shake it.

OK talk about something else……made a pretty good chicken dish the other night:  Took about 5 breasts in a casserole dish, sprinkled with ginger, splashed with soy, and spooned crushed pineapple over all, covered and baked, took the cover off the last 1/2 hr. and it turned out pretty tasty.

A. has her learners permit—been out with her about 5 times so far, can’t say that she has any kind of natural talent for driving.

Still all quiet from Rachel’s owner.  Bought Rachel some supplies she’s needed for a bit.  Saw her Friday—she’s back to being pretty much an angel other than a little minor bucking.

Been up since before 5am…..8K mud run today on a military base.  Helped set up, then I was in charge of directing runners into the corral at the end of the finish line where and how to get their chips taken off.  With 23oo runners it’s important that they keep moving and not stop on their own, bend over, and work on getting their own chip off blocking all the rest and creating safety issues.  Got to yell and scream (mostly cause the music was so loud) a lot at  tons of gorgeous dirty almost naked men.  Probably was a little bit of stress release for me, come to think of it.  Yelling instructions at marines— I could get used to that; could I have been a D.I. in another life?

 Took A. to her pony ride job and killed time window shopping.  Dying of hunger about 2pm—all I’d had was coffee and a banana at the race so I had a pork barbque sandwich but didn’t eat the bread.  Later took A. to her mowing job and later still, had a huge fight with her.  That kid can get on my last nerve sometimes and I said something I regret but she just pushed too far.

I did make it to ladies lite aerobics and did some rowing on Friday.  Time to get back on this wagon with food too.  Afraid to get on the scale.

Books…..finished The Sleeping Doll by Jeffery Deaver……now on The Innocent Man (true story) by John Grisham.

Movies:  The Mummy——-not my choice, didn’t care for it

Good news:  have more swallowtail butterfly eggs just hatched on the parsley; tented some screening material over them, maybe we can protect these from the birds, fingers crossed.

G’nite, chickadees, sleep tight.

Yep, middle of the night and here we are; this is how my body deals with stress. denies sleep.  When I’m super, super upset my vocal cords get almost frozen and I can’t squeek out much of anything.

The horse situation is still up in the air; haven’t heard back from the owner of Rachel yet (thank God).  Can’t believe we went from:  “She’s doing such a good job with Rachel, when I get settled in this new job, I’m going to eliminate any monthly fee on your part” to the $150.00  a month increase.  It ticks me off, A.’s spent almost all her birthday money on that horse–a new halter, a shaver, Listerine, medicine for rain rot, stuff to make her coat shiny.  I’m starting to think he’s a few slices short of a loaf.  Going to speak with the stable owner tomorrow and get her take on what he’s told us.

Nothing new with the foot; we see the new physical therapist on Thursday, I believe. A is angry and “majorly annoyed” about the situation.   I sent an email with an explaination of the condition and prognosis to the c.c. coaches, both men, last Saturday.  Expected to get SOME kind of reply for her—not looking for sympathy, but some acknowledgement along the lines maybe of: sorry, we’ll miss you, hurry back—SOMETHING!!!!!!  Nothing—thanks guys, your compassion and support is underwhelming, to put it mildly.  

Bluntly put—I am pissed at the entire world at the moment.  This kid has consistently had more bad luck than anyone I’ve ever run into.  Stress fx of the tibia in 2nd grade after doing a round-off in p.e. kept her in a cast a lot of the summer that year,  tendinitis twice resulted in weeks of physical therapy both times,  fainted a few days before district finals (which she worked like a dog to qualify for) were run in 9th grade and doc refused to let her run.  She’s had terrible luck in other areas too.  She won first place the Reflections contest at her middle school with a beautiful poem, they “forgot” to enter it at the city level.  At the end of 8th grade ( after I called to make sure her package was complete) her guidance counselor screwed up her applications by sending incomplete ones to every academy she applied for in high school—we couldn’t understand why she got all these rejections (she was devastated!!!) and it took me months to get to the bottom of it; I was stonewalled everywhere I turned–the principal and everyone else I spoke with thought it was just sour grapes on my part.  Finally, I convinced one academy head to actually investigate, uncover what happened, and straighten it out.   When I called her principal—who had promised to look into it and in reality did nothing, the only thing he could say to me was that they were “getting rid of” that guidance counselor…..boy, I had a few choice things to say to that man!!!!!!  I’m pretty sure one of the reasons she tested and switched from Legal to IB in 10th was just to prove she could get in.  The really sad thing is that our city supposedly has the best school district in the area.

Our new phone line was dug today.  I’m still eating wrong and way too much.   I’m  so angry that this has happened and damn frustrated.   I just ache for her.  I really need to go to the gym and work some of this out.

G’nite, chickadees.

It’s not been a great couple days to say the least.  Pardon me while I vent and whine.  Warning—it gets worse and worse.

First, all my swallowtail butterfly caterpillars got eaten by birds; there were 8 on the parsley—all gone because I didn’t get the netting on to protect them in time.  Bummer.

Yesterday was the summer camp orchestra event.  My daughter has been a student of this guy for 6 years (!!!!)—-6 years of summer camp, 6 years of year round lessons weekly with a monthly check from me with my name on it; a last name with only 6 letters and pronounced like it’s spelled.  She was one of two students acknowledged on the program as student staff—–with last name spelled wrong!  A bit much after 6 years, I think.   I was NOT pleased.

DH and I are fighting today—I had an awful am and didn’t need to be questioned about lunch and there were major fireworks and bad feelings all around.  Plus a slammed door or two and plenty of under the breath comments and cusses.

A. and I (notice dh gets involved in none of the day to day stuff) saw the ortho doc at 9:00am today for the results of the MRI on her foot; about as bad as it could be.    She has an area of osteo-necrosis (bone death) at the top of first metatarsal head, possibly due to repeated impact (soccer? remember when I didn’t want her doing that?).  Reactive brusitis in other areas and a ganglion cyst on the third toe.  The necrosis is by far the most worrying; this is something just NOT found in children.  He researched it and could only find one similar case written up in existance.  No sports for her—-PERIOD, an x-ray every month and a visit with him, a re-evaluation of her orthotic inserts by HIS physical therapist, surg. if the bone doesn’t re-generate—-and, because this “just doesn’t happen”, no idea of a timetable.  Her last two years of h.s. with NO sports—great, just fricking great.  Stuck in that pressure cooker IB academy with no way to let off steam. 

I’m eating what I want today and God help the person who gets in my way.   Hope your days are better than mine, chickadees.

Later:  I was taking A. out to the barn to see Rachel (who was a total pip tonight, BTW) when I got a phone call from the guy who owns the horse.  His parents want him to pay back money he owes them NOW; so his solution is to raise our lease fee by $150.00 a month, cut A. down to only three days a week  with Rachel, and allow the barn to use her as a school horse in the English riding program the owners are starting.  If I don’t agree to this he says he’ll have to sell her—the guy sounded like he was almost in tears.   I didn’t even mention that we have a signed one year lease.     A. is doing better with the foot thing for the moment than I am; of course, cross country is her fav. kind of running so she’s bummed.  The thing with Rachel really has her upset; extortion, she’s calling it.   Soooooo…a bad day ended on an additional bad note.

G’nite, chickadees.

Hot and humid.  I swore I wouldn’t complain about Va. summers after the 3 years spent in South Carolina but we’re in the dog days and it’s wearing…..so humid, it’s juicy.

Tomorrow is orchestra camp concert; then that’s done.  Cross country practice will start up in earnest soon—-speaking of which, A. had the foot MRI on Monday and we get to see the ortho this Friday.  Will tell all when I know, suffice to say I’m NOT letting myself get upset over the medical gobbledygook.  At riding lesson tonight, the instructor took me aside and advised me to contact what sounds like a pretty expensive show barn so A. can “advance and work on what her goals are”.  HUH????  GOD, this kid talks a good story!!!!  I CAN’T believe she’s beyond this instructor already; it’s only been maybe three months and a week of camp with her.  What in the world is A. telling her????  (Probably that she wants to train to ride in the Olympics!!)  I see money flyng out the window on this one—-I KNEW this horse stuff would be a slippery slope!!!!!!!   Hmmmmmmm.

Slept out one night—2 person tent, on the ground—practice: we are thinking of doing a short camping trip.  Surprised myself by sleeping really well; need to do it a couple more times in the yard to make sure the good rest wasn’t a fluke.

Picked my first ripe big tomato; have had lots of little ones but this is the first Better Boy.  The Park’s Whopper is about a foot taller than me and getting wrapped by the moon flower vine.

Anyone looking for a great book:  The Book Thief    It’s just staying with me; crosses my mind every day yet….unforgettable!!!!  Read it; you won’t be sorry!!!!!  Another goodie:   The Glass Castle by Jeannette Walls;  True story and excellent.

Up a pound today—had to be water, pizza last night and my lips felt puffy this am.

Phone still unreliable; ATT worker here again, says we need new line dug; we’re jury rigged for now but it’s working pretty well but who knows for how long.

Ready for my hot milk and bed.  G’nite chickadees!