endings angst
I hate the END of anything; you know, sometimes you don’t realize it’s the end, you just don’t get around to doing it again for whatever reason. But sometimes, when I can’t see it coming until it’s here, it’s actually painful. It’s not that I can’t be spontaneous, or go with it if I expect it, I just prefer some sameness in routine and I literally ache when I know something is passing out of our lives. Or maybe (dare I go there) it’s a control issue? Huh, ME??? Like when my daughter wouldn’t do tennis camp during Spring break last year when that’s what she’s done for 3 or 4 years. Like last year when I was all set with her at a great high school where many of the kids she did elementary with went, she did freshman year and decides to test and transfer to one center city in a not so great area for the IB program. Like when I thought she was doing track team practice, she always has run, and it turns out she’d gone out for soccer. NOW, NOW after 6 years of violin (and budget straining violin lessons), she’s switching to cello (cello?????) for her jr. and senior years, all this cooked up with her orchestra teacher with no one consulting me. The orchestra teacher will be giving her a cello to use and free lessons all summer to get her up to speed. Her violin instructor is the most wonderful teacher on the planet–I kid you not–after watching him for 6 years, this guy has more patience than anyone I’ve EVER met. I think he went into shock last night with the news. I’ve been having trouble getting her to practice and even asked if she’d like to drop the private lessons this year but she wanted to keep them to help her prepare for playing quizzes and chair contests–she’s gone from 2nd to 4th chair since the beginning of school this year so I knew something was up. But we gotta keep that all important A for the GPA; I’m really starting to hate those letters!!!!! In a snit, I told her that she’s not allowed to bring a cello in this house, how realistic (or adult) was that?
I know there are people with teen-agers who would kill to have cello vs. violin type problems. But, somehow, I don’t think it’s REALLY a cello vs. violin thing, ya know?
Oh…..food has been good. See ya, chickadees.
May 6th, 2008 at 10:43 am
Glad the food has been good and the home stress hasn’t thrown that off.
My mom always said she got the kids she needed to teach her life lessons. Sounds like your daughter is pretty daring about tackling new things and taking on change!
Hang in there!
May 6th, 2008 at 3:52 pm
I think it is wonderful that your daughter has a passion and wants to continue to grow and evolve. I am sure it is frustrating. At least she is doing something productive rather than destructive. HUGS!
May 6th, 2008 at 5:58 pm
Hmmmm. Yes. A rather mild rebellion - not terribly destructive by any means, but I definitely sense an assertion of A’s independence here. Unfortunately, my experience has taught me that the more we (mothers) disapprove, the more they (kids) are determined to do whatever it is we disapprove of. I have found that, tough as it was to do (and with much grimacing and growling in private) the best way to handle this sort of thing is with a shrug and a display of nonchalance…invariably, they wonder WHY we aren’t pitching a fit, wonder why the heck we don’t care what they do anymore, and there is a sudden resurgence of trying to get our attention (back) and please us. Sneaky & sly, I know, but raising children sometimes calls for desperate measures.
Big hugs,
Z
May 7th, 2008 at 12:41 am
Happy that your food is managing to be good despite the stress.
I don’t know ms. soclose - I’m not a parent so I have no expertise in anything - not even my own life. But I’m wondering if it’s not such a terrible thing if the cello is free - teacher will bring her up to speed? Does she need to stick with it because of her grade requirement? Sounds like her level of interest is dropping with the 2nd to 4th chair thingie…
It also sounds like you are really making so many sacrifices for her and being her guide to ensure she gets the college of her choice…. I don’t know if it would impact her academically if she switched to cello.
One thing for sure though Ms. soclose - you are a great Mother
I imagine I’ll have these issues to look forward to - my child’s interests vs what might be best for them academically….
I can only hope to approach them with the insight that you have….
xo
May 7th, 2008 at 5:35 am
I second, third, fourth and fifth what everybody said here, it all makes sense. A. is asserting her independence, nevertheless, I know what you mean about hating things to change. My J. had a wonderful violin teacher, much shorter time than A, but I was still devastated when she told me she wanted to stop - she didn’t switch to another instrument, just stopped altogether. And you are such a great mom, and you’ve done such a great job with your daughter. Hope you’re doing okay!
May 7th, 2008 at 10:29 am
Ditto, ditto and ditto.
You are doing a great job, and sounds like to me that your daughter is just a strong person like her mother. She knows what she wants to try, and bless her for not being afraid to do it.
But I like hate the end of anything.
May 8th, 2008 at 1:01 am
Now, I’m gonna get right off the track here, and look at one thing you said: You hate endings.
And your blog is “soclose” because you lost a HEAP of weight and got to within 10lbs of goal…
Do you hate all endings?
You’re doing a great job as a mother and your daughter will appreciate all your work. Someday.
May 8th, 2008 at 2:13 pm
This cracks me up…I’ve been thinking about how much I love endings & how happy I’ll be when this whole dieting/exercising thing is done, crossed off the todo list, time to move on. So that’s my problem, no commitment to the journey.
Your daughter is probably more like you than you think…she seems to really embrace the journey, as many journeys and as much experience as she can get.
I suspect that for her, it isn’t about the thing that’s ending so much as the thing that’s starting.
What a great kid!