just 10 more

Today is the 4th anniversary of my mom’s death.  She had lived with me exactly 4 yrs. at the time she died.  I brought her down from Pa. when A. was in second grade and she died when A. was in 6th.  She had been getting progressively less able to cope with daily life and had just had a procedure to clear a blockage in her carotid.  At first, she was able to do dishes and help a bit around the house and go places with us but slowly became less and less mobile.  I promised to keep her house and take her home for a bit every summer which I was able to do; although as the years went on, it became more and more complicated to get her there.  I was only able to have her live with me because of her dementia; when she was herself, we always were cats and dogs.  Her dementia made her vague and easy going; a one eighty from what she’d been like all my life.  It made possible our living arrangement but broke my heart at the same time; kind of like living with an imposter.  In Dec. before she died, I noticed, after doing her shower, when I was drying her feet, a couple tiny open areas on her toes on one foot.  Now, she was diabetic and had previously had small open areas on her heels before which healed readily with treatment.  Somehow, these seemed different—for one thing (and you are probably going to think I’m nuts),  the dog was fascinated with the smell or something and I had all I could do to keep her away.  Took her to her dr. four times in two and a half weeks; I knew something was different.  He refused to do a culture. The third visit he finally put her on an antibiotic, the fourth agreed to a consult with a vascular surgeon but gave us an appt. almost a month away.  VERY patronizing attitude by the third visit.  He’d “seen worse and he was looking at it from the view of a professional while I was looking at it as a family member”, etc. I then made an appt. with her podiatrist, who, horrified, got her in at the surgeon the next day and she was admitted to the hosp. from his office.  In a day or two, an operation was done to remove plaque from a vessel in the groin area.  The hospital stay itself was a nightmare; some staff were lovely and competent but the bad ones are the ones you remember, unfortunately.  At one point a catheter was put in for retention and such a huge amt of urine removed at once so fast that she was sent into shock.   If I didn’t feed her, she went hungry,  when she had chest pain one evening the assigned R.N. actually said she “didn’t have time for this”, it took me about a week to get a bedside commode placed by her bed (I think it was the day before discharge),  before surg., I asked for help getting her to the room’s bathroom and the aide told her to “just go in the bed”.  About a week after the surg, she was moved to a rehab place which was a thousand times worse—almost daily medication errors (including a antibiotic being given three times a day instead of once, incorrect inhalation meds).  I don’t think she ever got a meal tray that didn’t have sugar on it and the first thing they would do was to put the sugar in the tea and hand her the cup no matter how many times I reminded them.  I would walk in at lunch to feed her and she’d be blankly holding the cup with sugar in the bottom if I didn’t get there early enough.  I just about lived in the director of nursing’s office for all the good it did—none.   One day I arrived to find her bed in high position, sides down, and the aide down the hall looking for linen.  Nightmare doesn’t even begin to describe those weeks.  I also learned, at the rehab place, something the surgeon never told me, those open areas on her foot had been gangrene.  They amputated a toe. She got C-diff and pneumonia and MRSA.   I took her home to die where I could make sure she got better care until the end.  Maintained isolation as best I could in my home and did it all 24/7.  I can’t begin to dredge up all the horrors here that were inflicted upon her at the hands of our medical community; this was only the tip of the iceburg, I’d be writing for hours.  I thought about suing, but the truth is, no one cares if a demented old woman dies and the thought of talking about all this when it was so fresh was just too much; I was completely and totally exhausted and barely hanging on by my fingernails to what little sanity I had left.

What is the lesson here, chickadees?  It’s bleak and getting worse on the medical front.  All I can say is —  God help us all.

Sorry for such a downer but it (at least some of it) needed to come out.

Tomorrow at 1 pm we have a meeting with a guy who’s currently paying someone to exercise his horse as he’s short on time with her.  She’s a thoroughbred, 9 yrs. old, he bought her from his college riding program when he graduated after taking it as a pe credit and falling in love with riding.  I spoke with him briefly yesterday and it turns out he went to my daughter’s high school, same IB program.  SOOOOOO…….maybe, maybe.  Fingers crossed.  This place is only  about 15 min. away, if that.  This one’s name is Rachel.  That’s sort of how we met Betsy the Basenji.  Her owners divorced and the man got her, became a stockbroker, and was working insane hours so he just wanted someone who was basenji- experienced to take her.  She was a world traveler; had lived in Japan for 2 years.

It was way too hot for this time of year here; mid 80’s today.  I’ve even seen a few patches of iris’s in bloom and I can’t ever remember seeing them in March before.  But we’re losing the high temps—back to 50 for a high tomorrow and Sun.

I actually slept very well last night and got a full 7 hrs.  It felt great to wake rested and be normal today.  Can we go for 2 in a row?

We did go out to the country to see my house sitting friend yesterday.  Had A. handle all the map reading and navigation.  She did well; only once got me off a highway too soon–1 exit early.  Thank God we weren’t on 64 where some idiots were shooting at cars yesterday.  

That house had to be at least 7,000 sq. ft., just built, strange color decor inside.  There was a huge room on the 2nd floor: media/ game room; I swear you could put 2 bowling lanes end to end and have room left over.  In the absolute middle of nowhere.  Goats next door on one side and horses on the other.  My daughter would move there in a heartbeat.  Me–not on your life.  My neighbor was real glad to get home today.

Food has been OK if you don’t count the ice cream.

Giddyup, chickadees!

We went to the barn yesterday and had a talk with Gracie’s owner.  She’s decided to have Gracie professionally trained for riding.  A. is soooo bummed.   I can see her point—once a week is not going to do it with lazy Gracie.  Neither A nor she have the time to get over there often enough.  The barn is about an hour from where we live.  So, no riding Gracie till about summer, poor A.   This woman has a lot going on in her life, including disabled toddler twins and a marriage which is circling the drain.  She’s just overwhelmed.  I feel terrible for her. Have a few ideas on closer horses, leads from people in tack shops. 

Eating WAY too much chocolate—that seems to be my big downfall.  I swear there is such a thing a chocolate addiction.  I know there is.  

Enjoying sleeping in; skipped gym today.  A has volunteer stint at one of the historic homes today.   Tomorrow, after soccer practice, we’re heading out to the country to visit my neighbor who is house sitting some palatial place in the country and see how the other half lives.

Spring is making progress although so far, spring break has been way too cold to suit me.  Supposed to warm up a bit starting today.  My daffys are over.  The Bradford pear trees are done blooming and going to leaf.  My river birches are getting tiny, tiny leaves.  Saw tulips on Sunday and azealas in bloom.  Saw my fav. yesterday for the first this year—wisteria—-loved this stuff down in S.C.; where there would be massive amounts of vines just covering the tallest trees—gorgeous!!!! 

Gotta get breakfast—onward, chickadees.

Later: walked with my dau. and our Betsy Basenji and neighbor’s dog (a huge Husky named Nemo) almost an hour tonight, sun almost down by the time we were done, temp perfect.  Nemo is one of the very few dogs Betsy gets along with and they adore each other; but it sure it a strange looking when they walk together.

G’nite chickadees.

Easter was very quiet here.  Had every intention of going to sunrise services on the beach like we do every year but the combination of cold temp and high wind  put us among the absent.  A large meal was vetoed so I had not much to do in the way of cooking; re-heated meatballs, made mashies, and peas, also salad.  Strange Easter meal, but perfectly good.  Stayed in all day.  Gracie’s owner is back from sea; she was going to see her Sunday so I kept A. home to give Connie some time with her horse alone.  She’s been so nice about sharing Gracie with A. and letting her help with the training.

 Saturday A. and I went to Williamsburg and bummed around; there’s always something new to see there.  She knows every carriage horse in town.  Jack and Jill have retired.  One of our favorites died over the winter.   R.I.P. Buck.

It’s been soooo lovely just getting awake with the sun the past 3 days!!!!!  A whole week of doing just that is ahead.  I feel like I’ve been given a gift.   Did go to the gym late today and did a bit but not my usual by a long shot.  No 5:30 alarms!!!!!!!!!

On the sleep thing—-I did have a sleep study done maybe a year ago. I was borderline for needing a C-pap machine, which of course I would like to do without so I turned it down.  Was supposed to go back in 4 months; never did.   The night the sleep study was done I remember getting awake in the morning thinking it was the best nights’ sleep I’d had in ages so it probably wasn’t an accurate reading of how I usually sleep at home.  It was dark and quiet and lovely and I was alone in the bed, so how could it be accurate?  I’l make an appt. to go back as this constant exhaustion and lack of energy is no fun.

 After the gym, took the dog to the vet today; then took my daughter to some local tack shops to look at horse stuff.  Made Betsy a batch of her dog treats.

Food has been awful at times and not so awful at others.  Stopped and got some Carolina pork bar b que for dinner on the way home today—yum, yum!!!

Currently reading;  Somewhere In The City    short story collection by Marcia Muller   good mystery writer.

Feel peaceful; I could get used to this, chickadees!

Yesterday I had a gyn appt. for ultrasound (annual thing) at 11:00 am and my ovaries are fine, thank-you.  Done about noonish, so went to grab a soup and sandwich, then to kill some time in a book store.  Got to the book store and I just couldn’t talk myself into getting out of the car—-so bloody tired, just exhausted!!!  I couldn’t have fought off a kitten and felt exactly like I did ages ago when I had mono.  So……..for the second time recently, I took a nap in the car; this time I put on sunglasses so people might think I was just innocently waiting for somebody.  It worked, no one came knocking on the window this time.  Got awake in about half an hour and went on with my day.  Is this strange or what?  I spoke to a friend at the gym about it today and he says he thinks something is going around, some virus or something as he’s been napping the past 3 to 4 days and he never takes naps but just hits zero energy and has to in the middle of the day.   I’ve know this guy forever and he’s a real energizer bunny—he never stops; so I’m thinking maybe there is something extra in the pollen or a virus this year.

Anyway, I made the gym this morning: tm  1 1/2 mi., rowing 10 min., ladies lite aerobics.

Food was OK (made Ruby’s meatballs, delish!) till I did the annual Easter candy run to the local homemade candy place, about $30.00 of  eggs with names, etc.

Hopping on down the bunny trail, chickadees!

We’ve got some rain coming; storms not supposed to be nearly as bad as it was west of here.  It’s very warm and windy; got up to near 80 today.  Dh mowed the grass for the first time this year today—that’s one thing you people up north don’t have to think about yet!!!  Nose is still horribly stuffy; maybe the rain will knock down the pollen count.

No gym, (bad night sleep-wise) came home and napped on the couch after getting A to the bus.  Got up and went to grocery store about 10:30 and wouldn’t you know, I ran into 3 women from the aerobics class I skipped.

Soccer game; they lost again.  Food had been good all day but after the game A. wanted Chinese so we did AND topped it off with Dairy Queen; a mocha moolatte–which I love, love, love and hadn’t had for almost a year.  My excuse is that 3 losses in a row are hard to watch.  Back to eating right tomorrow.

Well, I’m off to bed, hopefully to actually sleep.  G’nite, chickadees.

Had a killer h/a yesterday for a few hours, followed by my nose dripping like mad.  Used to get frequent ones but haven’t had one that bad for ages.

Getting caught up.  Before I forget again—-got on the bloomin scale Sat., not quite as bad as I thought it would be–15 to goal, I honestly thought it would be about 20.  It’s sad that I’ve gotten so accepting of being so far away yet—just keep plugging away.  Maybe I’m afraid of being banished from here if I meet goal; I keep reading how good blogging is for us.  Great, a new worry to obsess over!

Gracie was not too bad on Sunday.  I did end up in the center of the riding area with the whip; A. positively assured me that she won’t run toward something she is afraid of.  I want it known that I never actually touched her with it before people think I’m hitting her.  All I did was point it just behind her back legs and make little circles.  Or, if she wouldn’t whoa, put it in front of her.  It’s one thing she responds to beautifully, although I (of course) ended up doing something I said I wouldn’t and was scared to death the whole time.  I never in a million years would have guessed I’d ever be doing something like that even a year ago.  The new ex-stallion is in the main pasture with everyone now, Apache, and he’s still just beautiful—kicking up his heels when they pick on him, spirited little thing.  The woman who owns Grace is back from sea, haven’t heard from her yet; did send her updates.

Gym yesterday: 1.25 mi. on tm, 1/2 hr. on elip., 12 min rowing, ladies lite aerobics.

Soccer team lost again yesterday 2-1.  What can I say, they are really, really  not very good.  Game again tomorrow.

Food so far–actually, I have been good the past few days–bfsk: Grapenuts Flakes w/skim, low salt V8, decaf tea w/skim, cantaloupe….snack 1/2 piece Wasa…….(LATER)  early lunch: mushroom, cheese, spinach omlet,  pudding cup, pear………..snack: peanuts, almonds…………..dinner: salad, small prime rib, 1/2 baked pot.

Earlier today when I started this, I mentioned that the h/a I had yesterday might be allergy-related; well, on the noon news they said the pollen counts for 3 different trees (birch, sycamore, and cedar, I believe) are super high!!!  So, I guess my diagnosis was right on.

Making a more concerted effort to stay away from salt, I’ve developed the theory that salt makes me eat more.  Maybe it’s that mistaking thrist for hunger idea that I’ve heard put forth.

Anyway, enough for now, chickadees.  Will try to update later (7:30pm: done)

Off to another night in front of the tv, chickadees.  Behave yourselves!

OK, we’re fine here now; 2 days of getting awake with the sun already up has done wonders for my  homicidal urges caused by lol (in this case–lack of light).  Even the dog has cooperated.  Betsy the Basenji stayed off the bed until 8 this am; poor old thing, at 14, about all she has left is her sense of smell, I think.  Had to put her out twice this am (and stay right with her)  to get her to pee, and we all know outside is ever so much better than in.

Will be leaving shortly to go work with Gracie the wonder horse—as in, wonder if she will move.  It’s gotten colder and rained last night so it will be a muddy mess over there.

A. really messed up on her practice time yesterday.  I had her there for noon, as she told me 12 to 1pm; in reality it was held 9-12noon.  I think she needed to sleep in more than to practice soccer anyway.  Game tomorrow (Monday), guess we’ll find out if the coach was mad when we see how much playing time she gets.  It’s just not that important.  I did explain to her that we can’t possibly fit in our volunteer work with the theraputic riding stable this season at least until soccer is over.  This did not go down well but there are just so many hours in a day.

Food, so far—bfsk: Grapenuts Flakes w/skim, Low salt V8, decaf tea w/skim

Will update later, chickadees.  Rock on.

Can I have a number for a title?  I suppose so.  Significance?  So glad you asked.  This is my 200th post, which one might think of as a milestone worth celebrating except for the fact that I’m heavier than when I started.  So I think we’ll keep the streamers and party hats in the closet yet.  OK, so just when does this blogging thing start working? 

Gym today—had a VERY embarrassing moment before I even got in the building;  A’s bus was early, the lights were in my favor, whatever, I ended up at the gym by 20 after 6am—looked at my watch, groaned and thought I’d just close my eyes till 6:30……..7:10 and some guy is knocking on my window wanting to know if I’m OK.  How bad is that?????  Anyway, I did 1.50 mi. on tm, 15min. on ellipitical (sp?), 15 min. on rower, then ladies lite aerobics.

A.’s team lost yesterday….2-0.  It was funny, a couple of the girls are a riot.  More than once I saw one of them dodging the ball instead of playing it.  In the second half, the coach sent A. in to play a position she’s never played in practice…….?  Good thing it’s not varsity.  Bad news, she has a practice tomorrow—Sat.  Guess this coach is really not happy.  Sent her to bed WAY early; she was asleep by 8pm, kid can’t keep living on 5 1/2 hrs. sleep and that’s what it’s been all week.

Bed for me, chickadees!

Title refers to what’s going on in my life.  I am finding myself mainly extremely furious and put out by this STUPID time change—we JUST hit daylight in the morning and POOF!!!!, it’s gone.  I hope every politician who voted for this has a special girlfriend or boyfriend (notice, I didn’t say spouse!!!) who gives them pediculosis pubis (look it up!!!). 

Well, folks, that about sums up my attitude and outlook.  Won’t this be a fun blog????  Food is awful, enough said; didn’t get on scale this am as planned.  Should head out to yard and weed.  Won’t do it.    A.’s first soccer game is this afternoon—bleh!  How awful is that?  I just don’t care.  Take my morning sun away and I’m just about homicidal.  Need to regain my balance here.  That sun means WAY too much to me, even if it’s a sunny day—it’s not there in the morning!!!!!!  I’m well aware that I sound like a petulant toddler and I DON’T CARE. 

Going in a search of more chocolate, chickadees.