Sniff, sniff
Been totally off kilter all day–strange dreams last night, maybe, sometimes they stay all day, kind of leave behind an emotional residue that colors the next day. Bruised, raw. Anyway, I’ve been restless, unsettled, vaguely unhappy, verging on weepy. A. made the soccer team and it just felt like I was totally faking the happy thing; all I could think was ANOTHER thing to fit in, to drive to. It looks like a lot of the games are out of town; good God, we have 11 high schools in the city and they have to go OUT OF TOWN???? Just not a happy camper today. Restless—the maid and chauffeur hats are feeling a bit tight today. Generally, I’m happy doing just the mom thing—this is what I wanted, to give her what I didn’t have and would have scaled back to living in a tent if that’s what it took . Plus, with this soccer team, I doubt if we’ll have time to volunteer at the theraputic riding stable when they start up again in a few weeks.
Gym: stretch and exercise mat, 2.55 mi., ladies lite aerobics.
Food: OK except for the many handfuls of M&M’s which I totally deserved.
Sweet dreams, chickadees—for all of us.
February 28th, 2008 at 1:36 am
I’m sorry sweets. Deep breathing while lying in your bed and repeating sweet dreams to yourself a few times to chase those nasty dreams away? I wish i had a magic wand….
xooxoxoxoxxo
February 28th, 2008 at 2:39 am
I agree. I am sending good vibes your way.
And seriously you do have muh in your hand. I wish the schools would ferry their soccer team around themselves. I can imagine how you feel.
Please take care. Is ther any way you can ask A to take care of herself for a day and you just take a break, do whatever you want. You will feel refreshed and much better. It works for me.
But I too have no more leaves due. So I have to go on as long as I can. So I try to have happy day dreams. Childish, I know.
Doesn’t always work too, but sometimes does.
Lots and lots of love,
iniya
February 28th, 2008 at 6:35 am
You, my dear, are a phenomenal mother. And why shouldn’t it be okay to sometimes feel a little overwhelmed, a little pushed, and even, perhaps, a little taken for granted? We all have those feelings, no matter how it is we’ve chosen to live our lives. Beneath the super-mom, there is still Ms. S. Close, a woman with needs of her own. You squeeze an awful lot into your days, my chickadee. Be sure to find time, here and there, for your own needs.
Hugs,
Z
February 28th, 2008 at 9:49 am
You need a day that does not involve chauffer or maid duty. I’m thinking of a day with a friend, browsing antque and art stores, then off to a nice restaurant (The River Club in Nyack) where you sit there (windows are garage doors - open in spring/summer/autumn to the river) and sip a lucious glass of wine and eat something delish. Come to me and I’ll take you there! There is a wonderful bookstore in that town - Pickwick Papers - a huge mess inside, but the owner can put his hand on any book you ask for … some other great restaurants, historical buildings. Arty-farty clothing stores and, on some week-ends, flea markets. You must buy something of a deep magenta for yourself. You’ll come away revived in your soul.
February 28th, 2008 at 10:13 am
I think it’s natural to feel that way sometimes. Otherwise, you would be a saint and let’s face it, there’s not too many of those around. I know I only see a small portion of your life on this blog, but you appear to give so much of yourself as a mother, more than I see a lot of moms do and I think you’re fantastic. I agree with rubyjean, maybe you just need a day for yourself.
February 28th, 2008 at 2:31 pm
I second, third and fourth all of the above comments. Just left this not to say you are in my thoughts. Better days are coming.
Lyn