wired!
Been really busy the past 2 days–traveling here and there. Track practice each am and a long run (6mi.) tomorrow for A. Yesterday after her run we went out to the barn to see Gracie; she’d managed to get out of her pasture and we had to go track her down and get her back, convinced her to even jump a small ditch. She was VERY antsy in the cross-ties and not cooperative with such things as hoof-picking so I wouldn’t let A. ride her which made for a very sulky and mouthy 15 yr. old. You know, never in my life when I was working did I ever imagine I would put up with this; an employee would be soooooo fired. And yet she can be smart and sweet and so funny; my life reminds me now of that book that was out a few years ago, something along the lines of: Drop Dead, But First Take Me To The Mall. I really hope we end up friends some day when she older. (Much older!!!) Last night we had a small second round of gifts with a friend of hers who had been out of town. Today after running, we went to Williamsburg; first to a Thomas Jefferson music thing, walked around for hours, ate (chicken rice soup, shared a small prime rib, mixed veggies), then to a play we had tickets for—billed as a Neil Simon like comedy; the kindest thing I can say is it fell short. I had about half of a Pepsi because I was faling asleep on the way home and now I’m yawning but wide awake at the same time and it’s after 1am.
Ruby Jean’s been talking about the importance of having fun and kind of pampering yourself. I’m trying to remember just what I’ve done that I could call fun or even if I know what I’d consider a “fun” time these days. Going to the gym?–no. Volunteer work (running club, school, horses)?–no Running my daughter all over creation?—no I “go” and “do” a lot, like today, but is it “fun” for me?—no Pampering, what pampering? I got bedroom slippers and 2 tops for Christmas; does this qualify as pampering???? AND I picked them. AND they were on sale. Maybe I’m just still down a little but the only things I can come up with that I’d say I “enjoyed” were 2 movies I saw by myself—Michael Clayton and Gone, Baby, Gone. Also, I have enjoyed this….being here. There are people I know where I live, but no really good friends. Up till about 3 yrs. ago I had a really good friend here (of about 15 yrs). Had seen her through a couple marriages and relationships with men, THEN she meets the “love of her life”, surprise!!!—a woman, and a jealous one at that, and they are living (in bliss, I suppose) in N.J. My best friends are all in other states and mostly date back to high school. I do find myself being very wary of becoming closer friends with the women I know here these days. I’ve gotten private, protective, and closed in; in fact, sometimes a bit rude or at least abrupt. I think the woman down the street (with the dogs, who house sits) would like to be closer but I feel myself keeping her at arms length friendship wise. I’ve lost patience with people, sort of, cause one on one and in person it’s too hard on the soul, I think. In the past (way past, mostly) I’ve bailed a neighbor’s husband out of jail (dui) in the middle of the night, driven a friends child in extreme pain-middle of the night, again– to an emergency room, taken a neighbor by the hand when her husband was away and she fell totally apart and had her admitted to a psych hosp. It’s too hard. Had to stop and figure where I’m going with this. Wandering all over, but I think I’m trying to say that right now this place is filling some need. I can express thoughts on this blog and on others, give some advice, worry rather from a distance, cheer people on, feel friendship and close to people, etc. w/o the emotional toll of actually being involved face to face, one on one. Soooooo, am I avoiding “real life?” Hmmmmmm………I think I’m talking in circles and I need to go to bed. Does anybody else ever wonder about this stuff?????
Gonna “pamper” myself with some sleep, chickadees…..g’nite!
December 29th, 2007 at 9:56 am
I always wonder about the same thing. I also don’t make friends so easily on real life. I can let people in after a point. Also I don’t really know who I can fall back to if I am in trouble. Of course that is except my brother. I have often found and enjoyed “kindness of the strangers” and I find it much easier to like strangers.
Please take some more time off to pamper yourself. You do deserve it.
love,
iniya
PS Didn’t you enjoy a couple of concerts immensely, sometime before christmas? I remember you being rather happy about them. Maybe you should do something similar more often?
December 29th, 2007 at 11:30 am
You are such a loving and giving person and sounds like people take advantage of your generous spirit…that unfortunately is human nature! I know I have gone out of my way for people whom I know wouldn’t as the saying goes “spit in my mouth if my guts were on fire” but that is just the way it always turns out to be.
Your daughter will come around…it may be after she is grown and married but she will come around. My daughter has thanked me many times for being strict with her and not letting her “run wild” so to speak. She said at the time she hated it but she realized it was for her own good and protection…this from a 17 year old if you can believe it!
There are real true friends out there somewhere and I know you will come upon them in the future. It is hard not to be jaded when your past experiences have been so many and so frustrating. Even though most don’t deserve it, give them the benefit of the doubt and try to trust again.
Hope you and yours have a Happy and Blessed New Year!!!
Hugs,
Judy
December 29th, 2007 at 2:43 pm
I’m SO there regarding the teenagers. I have two and it’s never a dull moment. Sometimes, my best parenting move is to go into my bedroom and shut the door. Alcohol is optional.
December 29th, 2007 at 6:34 pm
Hope you had a good rest!! You can plump up your cushions, shove a DVD into the player and break out the bon bons once in awhile….
Boy oh boy do I relate to that “Drop Dead But First, Take Me To The Mall” crowd. I had a good laugh at that. Closing yourself into your bedroom once in awhile for some down time is just plain common sense….anyway, absence makes the heart grow fonder….
I’m still trying to figure out what I think is fun. I MAY dig out my ice skates tomorrow and see if there is an adult session at the local ice-rink - even if I go by myself.
December 30th, 2007 at 1:05 am
Where do you live?? It sounds like something from the movie Psycho!
No doubt making good friends is harder as we get older. In part because we are set in our ways and in part because it seems everyone is working so hard just to etch out a living that no one has a personal life anymore. My good friends? Lucky if I see them 2 - 4 times a year. We talk. We email, but who has time to sit and chat over coffee??
Where to find good friends later in life? I met some through my dog. Some were nutty but they are pleasant and live nearby. I have met some wonderful people in my condo building but largely that is because I was President for a year and on the board for three. We also have a very friendly and warm environment here.
I have made some wonderful friends through work during the past few years. Granted once I switch schools it will be a few emails a year. The odd lunch or dinner. One I see musicals with.
Our lives are not all that different, in this respect, from what we tell our teenagers. The more you put into school (extra curricular etc) the more you will get out of it. Same goes for us. Find some hobbies or charity work, or courses, YOU want to take. There you will meet people. Then comes the part of deciding if you want to have coffee afterwards. In some ways it is a bit like dating. You meet the person a few times, decide if they are psycho, and then move on from there. At least with courses, you know they end so you need never see the person again!!
My final words of advice, NEVER talk to the person next to you on a trans Atlantic flight until you are 1/2 way there! Just in case you are sitting next to psycho dude!
On that happy note about the state of human beings
Cheers!
Shari
December 31st, 2007 at 3:04 am
You sound so much like me. I can NOT remember the last time I done anything for myself that I really ENJOY (other than sex, TMI, I know) and I definately cant remember any pampering.
I need friends too. Cant name a single one these days. When I worked (2.5 years ago) at the nursing home I felt my co workers were my ‘friends’ but being a SAHM and all that comes with that.. makes me sad. I miss friends.
January 1st, 2008 at 1:10 pm
Hummm…sounds like a theme here. I too used to have good solid friends - back in college - and they are still friends, but scattered all over the country. I became close to a couple of other women in the past 10 years or so, but ended up being hurt when the frienships ended for one reason or another. I would love a close friend, but maybe I am holding back unconsciously due to past hurts. I too find this site a place to share, vent etc. I’d love to really meet some of you one day.
So take care of your self…yes…rent some movies just for you. Your daughter will come around. Mine are now 24 and 26 and they went through those stormy years and r now very decent young women.
Lyn