the hardest month
There is a rather mournful song— Get Me Through December—-sung by Alison Krauss. It has become my theme music for this month. December has not been fun since I was little. It really is a month I’m always happy to put behind me. It’s become one big hated chore.
When I was 14 my favorite aunt (age 47) died of uterine cancer Dec. 14. My mother took care of her and the last 6 months were pure torture. I was home alone when my mom called to tell me she died. I was still sobbing face down on the couch when my mom, dad, and uncle arrived home—who sat beside me and comforted me??? Not my mother, for sure; my uncle, who had his own demons and would be dead himself in a few months. It was an act of comfort I’ll always remember, God knows there were few growing up in that emotionally cold household. Five years ago my closest cousin killed himself on Dec. 4. We were only 12 days apart in age and he is forever a ribbon woven through my childhood. To make matters even more horrific, he took two other people with him. Why?????? Something I still can’t bear to think about. I’m SO angry with him yet.
I got married on my 30th birthday which was Dec. 21. I think I did this because I never had a birthday party growing up; the excuse given me was that everyone was too busy that time of year. I realized the other year that ALL my relatives who attended my wedding except for three cousins were dead. That was a real shock.
I’m eating what I want; enough said. No, December can’t end soon enough for me; I feel myself going slowly down as the days go on and always cry buckets when it all catches up to me–right on sched. as usual— I’ll cry myself out and try to be a little better tomorrow, chickadees.
December 19th, 2007 at 11:29 pm
I really hope everything looks up for you. I’m sorry December is such a hard month for you, especially since it’s Christmas season AND your birthday. At least the new year will start out better than it ended, right? Try your best to get through this month. Don’t try and lose weight, focus on taking care of yourself emotionally. Once January rolls around and you’re feeling more up to, start your process again.
Good luck, and again, I hope everything gets better for you.
December 20th, 2007 at 3:12 am
Lots of love for you. - iniya
December 20th, 2007 at 10:40 am
Hugs to you. Take extra good care of yourself this month.
December 20th, 2007 at 11:21 am
You’ve definitely had a rough time of it in Dec. Hope things look up for you soon.
Lyn
December 20th, 2007 at 2:09 pm
December’s not your month, aye? I have troubles with March. I hope that you manage to rest yourself, and somehow in there will find a glimmer of light. I’m sending you Good Wishes for your birthday, and for your anniversary and for Christmas…Love, RubyJean
December 20th, 2007 at 6:32 pm
p.s. Glad you liked the chicken!
December 20th, 2007 at 7:18 pm
Know how you feel about December. I lost my mom on Christmas Day and it has NEVER been the same! When they came in and took down the Christmas tree and put in funeral chairs and guest books and that white wreath that pretty much changes your perception of Christmas from then on. My kids were small at the time so I tried to hold it together on Christmases for their sake but it’s never been easy!
I too hope December will pass quickly in a way but then my only daughter turns 18 on the 28th and is getting married on January first so I will be on an emotional rollercoaster right there with ya for awhile.
Take care and do the best you can you only have a few days left then the New Year blooms!!
Hugs,
Judy
December 20th, 2007 at 7:18 pm
I had no idea this month was so terrible for you. I’m SO SORRY. My sister died 12/14 in my time zone, 12/15 in hers. It sucks.
My goal is to not give a lot of gifts but to focus on the simple pleasures of Christmas this year. Lights on the tree, hot cocoa with marshmallows, all the wonderful Christmas movies I remember from childhood. The Bells of St. Maries is my FAVORITE.
You’ve been an inspiration to me since I found 3FC. I’m sending you the biggest, warmest, most low-calorie cocoa laden hug I can muster!!!
Merry Christmas!!!
December 21st, 2007 at 1:05 am
Hope you are feeling a little better. I wish I could do something.
a big warm hug,
iniya
December 21st, 2007 at 9:51 pm
December is one of the hardest months according to studies. I can see why you are so sombre. Hey, you were born in December so there must be some positive sparks to it. Just because people in your family have untimely deaths does not mean you must succumb to one. I strongly believe we control 90% of what happens to us. Take some chocolate time, reflect on all that is good, and in the New Year allow yourself to throw off the throwblanket, toss the flannels pjs and uncocoon the new you. It is hard, it is a huge challenge, but I know you are up to it. You have many friends here. You may not know our faces, but I hope you can feel our hearts.
Come to Toronto and I will throw you a birthday party for the ages!
Cheers!