Today I had another NSV (Non Scale Victory). I know I have mentioned that I get migraines, and usually these are brought on by the heat. So today I had to go to an out door function and I was outside from 9:00am to about 4:00pm (seven hours) and I didn’t even get a hint of a headache! I don’t even know if I can put into words how this makes me feel! I’m so happy, this has been something holding me back for years. I would have to take Aleve before going somewhere, and still end up incapacitated by the end of the day!

Well on to other things, I wrecked our car last night, so all the things I do have to be canceled unless I can find a ride. This means no personal trainer and no Bagpipe lessons. Good news is I am ok and so was the other driver. I’ve got to go to traffic school. I’m depressed about the car and that is just sucking all the life out of me.

Oh Great Anonymous Interwebs… why do I feel like I traded one addiction for another? I swear that I spend my days trying to figure out where I can shove 90 minutes of exercise or doing it. Tonight I really didn’t feel like getting on that tread mill (I did though). I use to just eat, now its when can I fit in some time on the tread mill?

Days w/out soda: 45

Days clean: 0 (ate a muffin yesterday) Maybe I should ditch the days clean?

I suppose this goes along with my last post… but when I joined LA Fitness I had the free assessment. The personal trainer (not the one I currently have) asked me what my goals were. I told him to get in shape. Pretty much that is it. So he ask why now? I didn’t want to get into any sort of spiritual stuff so I left that out and just told him I didn’t want to end up like my mom. She can hardly walk but really that is her only health issue. So he kept on me to find out what my goal was, as he said because most people want to look good.

For some reason that isn’t a concern, I figure I’m not going to look good. I’m just going to be smaller and healthy.

So my real reasons for losing weight: First, my health is not in decline, I am very healthy, my heart rate at rest is 60 beats a minute and my blood pressure is usually 130/70. I take no medications… my only issues are my weight and migraines.

Fear of what awaits when I get older also drives me. My grandfather had diabetes, my father had a rare and severe form of asthma that came on when he was 30-40ish. I’m scared… My mom who was always like me, robust, I now watch wither away with age. She always hated “gyms” and exercising associated with them. She was fine with working hard and doing physically demanding things. She was a saddle bronc rider, no stranger to hard work.

I’m 33, in my religion 3 is a “lucky” or “magic” number. I felt that this was a year of change and I needed to make these changes NOW. I have talked to several other people and they all “feel” this is a year of change, it was kind of odd actually. Now I figure I won’t hit my goal ’til next year, but the start was 33.

My piping is good enough to start practicing with my pipe band, which means lots of marching in parades, and I didn’t feel that I could play and march for any distance. My pipes themselves weigh seven lbs, not a big deal till you add having to keep the bag full and breath.

I also live in AZ, and it’s friggen hot! Just about every time I go outside for any length of time I get a migraine. I’ve tried everything, I went to the doctor and got migraine pills and I try to drink lots of water but nothing helps. However, it seems when I am lighter this issue becomes less of a problem.

My long time hero, Cory Everson, she just turned 50 and she hasn’t aged! She is still as beautiful and strong as when I first learned of her, thirteen years ago. If you have never heard of her, she won Ms. Olympia contest six years in a row between 1984 and 1989. I had the privilege of meeting her, and she is a very sweet lady. I want to be as healthy and fit as she is.

Also oddly, I feel very self conscious when I am introduced to my husband’s work associates. I feel I shouldn’t be this big, and that he is some how judged on me. I’m sure that isn’t true, but I don’t feel he deserves me to be big. This is all in my head, he loves me, and has always been supportive, even at my heaviest.

So… now you great anonymous Inter-webs know the absolute truth from me on why I want to get in shape and lose weight.

Okay, I’ve lost 29 lbs now, I haven’t been this light in years, but why do I mentaly feel so fat? I feel like the scale is lying to me and I realy am 207 lbs still. I feel like someone replaced my clothes with larger versions… I don’t get it. I should be rejoycing, but I still think of myself as fat. Granted I’m not thin, but should I “feel” thinner to myself, shouldn’t I?

Well, the weekend set the tone for the week it seems. I’ve had a rough week, but I maintained my current weight of 182.

I have a NSV (non scale victory) to report. I have some strappy platform heals, and I wasn’t able to even get the straps around my ankles, and today? Yep I could AND I could buckle them, so I wore them to work for Funky Footwear Friday!

So I was on the tread mill pondering as I sometimes do. I was trying to recall precisely when I started packing on the pounds…

So anyway, I have always been chubby, not FAT like I am now, just chubby. Funny when I think back I use to think I was so fat… boy do I know different now!! I had always been around 140lbs, always trying to get to 130. I use to go to the gym religiously, before work. I NEVER had a personal trainer I never thought needed one I guess. I was also very physically active, I worked out doors, so I burned off alot of calories. So I think it started when I moved to Phoenix. I took office jobs that had me sitting all day, and my out door activities slipped, and then I packed on the pounds. I think I have been like this for about 8 year. About 5 years ago I dropped down to 160lbs but I fell off the wagon and it’s taken me all this time to get serious again.

When I think of the times I was 135, I was surprised to recall that I was doing 90 minutes of cardio a day! I would do 45 in the morning and 45 in the evening on a stationary bike. Hmmmm….

The sins I have committed again! WTF is wrong with me?!

Gaming day is always hard for me, and yesterday just killed my plan! I was doing well, and then things just got out of control and I ate, candy corn, reeces pieces, chocolate truffles, goldfish crackers, pop corn, monkey bread and I drank milk!

I worked out on the tread mill as I had planned, feeling sick because of the massive amount of sugar and food I consumed.

I’ve spent most of today being depressed and upset that I fell that hard. It gets worse, because today is a holiday that everyone has off… they are all coming over here for round two of gaming. I don’t know if I can make it through gaming today! I didn’t yesterday *cries*