Days with out Soda: 17

Day’s clean: 0 (I had cookies yesterday)

I couldn’t take it anymore I HAD to have something sweet… I wanted chocolate, but I thought that might start a binge, so I settled for Short Bread cookies, one of my favorite things in the world! Though not really a binge food for me. It is my TOM and I am feeling a bit out of control.

Oddly I think I have discovered that crackers, chocolate, soda and frappiccino’s are triggers for me.

Some troll went on the 3FC boards and started posting stuff like, “why should I bother to go on a diet because 98% fail.” Stuff like that, oddly (seems like my word for today) this kind of took some of the wind out of my sails. It’s hard some days knowing that the deck is stacked against you. Though as my journal suggests, I’m giving no ground. I refuse to give up, and I won’t quit. Some one on 3FC has a tag line on their signature that reads, “Being fat is hard, weight loss is hard, maintenance is hard. Pick your hard.”

So that kind of gets me to thinking why would 98% fail? Why is that rate so high? So I punched that into Google, and I found something interesting. Apparently that number is from an obesity study that was done in the 1950’s. Though the fact still remains that most people fail. So I am still left with why? My theory? People go “on” diets and “off” diets. They don’t view it as a lifestyle change.

I view it like an addiction, I think the programs for weight loss should be the same, this is why I like the term “clean” instead of “on plan”. There should be an AA for dieters, I know that support I have received from 3FC has helped me out. I know I’m weird, but that is how I see it. It’s best never to become fat than to have to lose the weight. Fact is that it seems to creep up on you and then you wake up one morning and say WTF? Who is this fat person?

The other thing I have learned over the week, well I kind of knew. I know about how models photos were manipulated to sell products. However I never figured out with all the manipulation that they were air brushing the ribs of the models out of the picture and smoothing the lines. That’s just plain gross. I should have figured that one out, but I didn’t realize it.

So I handn’t seen my mom in about three weeks, she lives about 98 miles from me. So I went to visit this weekend… Very upsetting… When I got there, Friday evening, we started chatting and having a good time, then I went to bed. So I get up in the morning and begin preparing my breakfast and then she began to grill me on what I was eating and how I make it. So I told her.

Later that day she begins to tell me all about her friend on Weight Watchers and how she walks an hour a day and she is losing all this weight… So why am I still fat? Um… I lost 15 lbs since she last saw me but apparently she didn’t notice that, just that I was still fat.

Then she had a few choice words regarding my husband… I’m seriously considering telling her she can’t move in with us and she can just go live in assisted living.

Someone brought one of my favorite binge foods home…. Goldfish crackers… AAAAGGGGGHHHH! I’ve already had probably two servings… but they are sitting there calling my name, begging me to come and eat them…

I guess I have to explain about my living situation a bit. My room mate cooks… she LOVES to cook… where as I don’t really like cooking. Probably part of the reason I’m here now… To much fast food.

So tonight she makes Macaroni & Cheese and fish sticks for dinner. So rather than make a bit scene I thought well, I’ll just eat the fish sticks… So I was reading the label on the package… six sticks that were about the size of my finger were 220 calories, and 110 of those were from fat… WTF?! So I decided I’d just cook up my chicken breast and veggies but I wanted to go get some olive oil since were out. So I ask my hubby if he wants to go to the store and he says sure. So we jump in the car and instead he takes me out to eat!

I was good I had salmon with extra veggies! Then I came home and cooked my chicken breast.

Where am I at? Day 5 for no soda and Day 4 being clean on my eating…

So I’ve been working really hard, and I have noticed a difference in my puffy cheeks, they aren’t so puffy. No one else has said anything but my hubby. SOOOO yesterday I went to my personal trainer, and while I was on the leg press, he said, “I wouldn’t say anything normaly, but I see a difference in your face.” Granted I know I pay this guy, but I feel a difference so I am taking it as a compliment! I’m so excited! I’ve even dropped a couple pounds!

Yay! I made it through Gaming day without bingeing or eating the wrong foods or drinking soda! The soda was a challenge, but I made it! Yay GO ME! 

I lost a battle with the other side yesterday. I have to confess I was bad… I didn’t have the right foods available to me, but I kept my portions of the “bad” food down so I really didn’t eat that much of it. Though for dessert I had two sugar cookies, one coconut I don’t know what it was, and a piece of birthday cake. I justified it by saying, I’ve been good for 17 days, what’s the point of life if I can’t do ANYTHING fun? Bad part was… the cake? was not that fun! I felt like I ate a brick, it just sort of sat heavy in my stomach and I kind of felt like throwing up. Funny, I would have probably had two pieces of cake before I decided to diet. So the trick today is for me to get back on “plan.”

 Today was going to be more of the same, but I put my foot down and went to the store and bought “approved” foods, today and tomorrow won’t be off plan. I’ll win these up coming battles.

Day 17? Ugh as I’m sure you can tell by now I can’t count! I think I am on Day 17 of being clean (eating healthy & NO bingeing). I haven’t had a soda in two days, though last night was a challenge! I wanted a soda bad, but I didn’t have one… actually I worked out and stayed up a little and then went to bed.

 You know it is kind of interesting, I am the most healthy person in the house with the exception of the teenager. Even my personal trainer was kind of amazed that I am as healthy as I am. I told him, “yeah, my only problem is I’m fat!” We aren’t sure what is wrong with my husband, he seems to have a chronic fatigue disease and high blood pressure and my room mate is diabetic. My mom is that way too, she is really pretty healthy for a 73 year old woman. She drinks and smokes too! (I don’t smoke, but I like the occasional drink… not to be for awhile I’m sure).

 I am a bit concerned about being too sedentary, and I know I am. I work in a Call Center… and after a while you end up with the call center physique…. kind of portly and non descript! Maybe I should get a new job that is more physical? Anyway, I’ve been trying to figure out how I can fit more activity into my life, and I’m not sure how! The 55 minutes a night is bad enough on one of my busy nights. Unfortunately I can only visit my personal trainer once a week… I can’t afford more, so that is the best I can do right now. My husband is an insomniac so morning exorcise is kind of out of the question.

Don’t get me wrong I am committed to becoming more healthy and losing the weight, I’m just not sure where I’m going to fit everything in!

Maybe this is why all the thin people I know have the weirdest eating habits… They don’t eat for two days, and then when the do eat it’s three bites of something and then they complain of having an upset stomach.

So tonight the meal that was prepared was… Pasta! Gods I feel almost as if someone is trying to sabotage me! I was good and didn’t have the pasta *sigh*

So I have decided that I want to give up diet soda… the studies I have read and personal experience have taught me that it keeps the weight on so today is Day One on giving up diet soda. So I’ll see how that goes, I’ve given up soda before and it was interesting. When I drank soda again it was gross… I don’t know why I continued to drink it… So here we go again…