Yes, I have made it 14 days! I’m so happy.

 I almost lost it tonight, after going to my training session I had a protein shake, and when I came home I wasn’t hungry. However dinner was prepared, and it was rice! ACK I can’t eat rice… esp not pre packaged stuff. So my husband was getting kind of pissy that I didn’t want to eat (It was late too, I don’t like to eat after 7:00pm). I almost caved in but I managed to stay strong, and not partiake of the rice dish.

 I do feel like I have stalled out :(  I kep telling myself if I keep being good that I’ll start losing weight again, I just have to stick with it.

So I was over in 3fc and someone posted an article about having to work out more to sustain weight loss. The person who posted it also stated that she probably did 90 minutes a day instead of the recommended 55. I feel as if there is no hope bust my ass to get there and then I have to keep busting my ass… I thought it was supose to be easier after I got all the weight off.

 ”Study: More Exercise Needed To Keep Weight Off

PITTSBURGH (KDKA) ― A new study out of the University of Pittsburgh may shake up long-held standards about how much exercise patients need to lose weight and keep it off.

The study, published in the Archives of Internal Medicine, says the level of physical activity needed sustain weight loss is actually almost twice as much as the traditional public health recommendation. Those standards have said that 30 minutes of exercise five times a week is enough. The new study, headed up by UPMC’s Dr. John Jakicic, found 275 minutes of moderate exercise a week is necessary to keep weight off long term. That translates to 55 minutes of exercise per day, five days a week.

Jakicic says the study, which followed nearly 200 women over two years, found that patients don’t have to overdo it to maintain a healthy weight after weight loss. Moderate exercise, like brisk walking, was enough to keep the pounds off. “The advantage of more vigorous is that you can go a shorter time to get the calorie burn but if you don’t like vigorous activity and have the time to do it moderate is fine,” said Jakicic.

Among the study’s other findings: women who had more contact with the study support staff lost more weight and kept it off, leading to the authors to conclude that support systems may be important in helping women maintain weight loss. Despite the intervention, only a quarter of the women in the study were able to maintain a 10 percent or more weight loss after two years, highlighting the difficulty of sustaining a diet and exercise program long-term.”

http://kdka.com/local/weight.loss.study.2.782116.html

Well, I know I posted yesterday about my fear of today… I think I did well on the eating even though I started running at 6:30 am and here it is 12:10 am. I still have a ton of stuff to put away…

 I thought hubby went to bed and then he decided that he wanted to go for ice cream and that I had to come with him! I told him I didn’t want ice cream, and he says that it won’t hurt me. So I caved in and I went with him, I was thinking on the way how can I possibly get out of having to eat a whole ice cream cone? I figure it will make me sick now anyway. Sooo luck was with me and McDonald’s had already broken down the ice cream machine. So I dodged that bullet!

We ended up going to Walgreens and I was able to get an approved snack and he had ice cream! YAY! Still clean… well sort of I did a shot of Scotch tonight… just about hammered me to the floor!

This is Day 11… “clean” I think I forgot how to count so I am a few days ahead of where I thought I was. So I was bad I had to step on the scale this morning, my fast trip down has now stopped. I was hoping to get five more pounds out of it, but I guess that is not to be. Now the grinding begins, makes me think of World of Warcraft… just killing little monsters to slowly get your next level… Maybe I’ll think of it that way!

I was good yesterday, I thought I was VERY good. Today is probably going to be a little harder I have to drive around alot, and then I have to go to a potluck later. I’ll be bringing food, so that should be okay…. I’m concerned that I won’t be able to stay on my eating schedule.

Great fuzzy Interwebs does anyone else develop a fear or dislike of going out to eat? When I wasn’t dieting I didn’t care.. Now, I don’t want to go out if I feel food will be present. I feel like it is pointless since I won’t be able to eat anything or worse it’ll start a binge. Then my husband will say something like, “it’s okay to have this just once.” I don’t think he has a clue about bingeing… Eh he would say it’s a behavioral issue and I just should get control. He has the will of a god, and can’t understand why I have problems.

Okay, its the morning of Day 9 being “clean.” I’ve had a couple hairy moments but I’m doing well so far! I had to visit that one person’s desk again and I felt like running away because there was a danish sitting on her desk again. Of course this woman is thin… probably because she doesn’t eat the whole danish! Where as I would have eaten two… Gods that makes me feel ashamed.

I went to our monthly Top Performers meeting yesterday and they had cake! Ugh, I debated on whether or not to treat myself to part of my award or not, so I was really good and I didn’t get any cake and because I’m psychotic about going off plan I wouldn’t even look at the other people’s cake. I made it! I didn’t feel drawn to the cake at all for the entire day.

I decided to go to a “meet up” at Denny’s last night. I didn’t want to go, and I was scared, because I didn’t want to go “off plan.” I couldn’t stomach another salad. So I ordered a grilled chicken breast with veggies and it came with a second side so I got cinnamon apple slices. I was good! I didn’t eat all of it and I only had a couple apple slices.

 I am trying to slow down while I eat, I didn’t think I ate that fast. I think what happens I keep shoveling in food while I am full but my brain hasn’t received the message yet. So now I eat about a fist worth of food and try to wait a few minutes so if there is a signal I’ll get it. Strangely I seem to be more focused on eating, and then I lose interest all together. Weird.

I almost feel like two people, like there is the “Fat Me” that eats and binges and then there is “Diet Me” that eats properly. I don’t know what happens to make me cross over to “Fat Me.”

I confess that I hate the “on plan” terminology! I feel that I need to develop something for my own internal vocabulary… I like the “clean” terminology better. I do sort of feel like my desire to consume junk is an addiction.

I never really thought of my eating habbits as “bingeing” but I have to admit, I have times where I lose control and eat everything.

Well, I have made it eight days without bingeing and being on my diet. Today someone at work called me over to their desk and they had a rice crispy treat and a danish sitting one on top of another. Suddenly I was thinking, “hey I can go down to the cafe and buy a rice crispy treat…” Then I decided no… the cafe is evil! (Because the staff is rude)

Then I thought, “hey I have a dollar at my desk, I could go to the vending machine.” ARGH! I haven’t binged yet, but I feel as if any moment I am going to. I am trying to steer clear of my favorite binge foods right now.

I hope I don’t have to battle this tomorrow!

As I look at this ^ I wonder is this even ME?

Wow I learned something new moments ago… Binging has triggers… Okay maybe I’m just not up to speed on this. It never occured to me before. Now I must figure out what my triggers are… Stress is a big one, not sure what the others are. I’m sure some food triggers exist, but for the life of me I don’t know what they are right off. Probably some chocolate treat from the vending machine!

On that note I haven’t felt the desire to binge this week. I am happy to report that it has been one week (or seven days) ”clean” or eating well and working out. I’m proud of myself. I haven’t made it this far in a long time.

Now for week two!!! This is where the wheels usually fall off… BUT I am 100% committed to being a healther and thinner me!! So BRING IT!

I have to confess that I HATE salads, however it seems as if they are the dieters wonder food! My husband asked me if he wanted me to pick up anything from the store, and I told him anything healthy BUT salad!

The reason for this post is that, my room mate who cares nothing for losing weight makes all this wonderful fattening food! She is the most awesome cook next to my friends brother. So I get stuck sometimes foraging for something I can eat. Salad seems easy…. I just can’t choke another one down…. *sigh*

So yesterday evening I was going over my diet plan while putting together my meals for today, and it occurred to me maybe I’m not eating enough on this plan. Then again I really don’t want to eat anymore! So I guess it’s enough.

I went to the gym and met with my personal trainer yesterday. We got all done, and he says how do you feel? No clever come back, I just said “Tired.” I was, and then I forced myself to go do the tread mill and did 30 minutes there again. By the time I got home I was exhausted. I think I like the mid point of the work out the best, where the muscles aren’t completely expended, but they are warmed up and working. At the end lately I just want to take a nap! I asked if I needed to jog, because I don’t think I can yet, and he told me I shouldn’t ever have to jog. I don’t know if 30 minutes walking every night is enough! Maybe my goals are all crazy or something…. I feel at some point I will have to run.

 Funny, I keep feeling for muscles! I don’t know why, I know I shouldn’t really have any yet, I’ve only been to three training sessions. Though I have begun to work out on my own at home as well. I am trying to take things slow. I have a bad habit of going balls to the wall and then getting sore and quitting. I *want* to stick with this. I AM committed to this!

I found it interesting that when I noticed how much weight he was putting on the machines that I bothered to notice it was around 50lbs. Odd, I thought I would be weaker than that. I really haven’t worked my muscles consistently in eight years. 

I’ve been on the diet for five days, and now I am at the “afraid” to eat point. I ate this morning, but that was it, due to my schedule today. Why am I afraid? See the follwing reasons:

1. I’ll lose control and eat everything, thus falling off the wagon and never getting back up

2. I’ll inadvertently eat something I shouldn’t and that fecks me for the day

3. Since it was so long since I last ate, whatever I eat now is going to go straight to my hips so to speak

I know I must eat… maybe this is where girls become Anorexic?

I also think I have become completely psychotic! Either that or I can’t control my psycosis now! Ugh… tomorrow will be better.