The Shrinking Shrink

My coworker, Jen, has been bugging me for a little while to try her yoga class. She’s tall, thin (and has boobs despite her thinness), pretty, comes from money, and is about to marry her attorney boyfriend (who does triathalons). I hate her! Except that I don’t, because she’s an absolute sweetheart and, I’ve come to realize, busts her ass to stay in shape. She gets up at 5:30am on most days so that she can run at the gym on her way to work.  Then, several days a week, she goes to Bikram Yoga in the evening.

Now this is no ordinary yoga class.  In the normal world, when you go to your kickboxing or spin class, you’re paying your hard-earned cash to your local fitness facility so that they will pump air conditioning into the room. But not at Bikram Yoga. You spend $15 for 90 minutes in a room that has been heated to 105 degrees Fahrenheit. So, one might understand how I was a bit resistant to the idea. 

But last week, something happened that changed my mind. I was going through my morning routine, when I went to blowdry my hair. As usual, I flip my head over, get to the back and the roots, then flip back up and *AAAGH!!!* An unfamiliar pain and paralysis attack the right side of my back. I lean on the bathroom counter for support, and I stay there for what seems like an eternity.  I look in the mirror at my grimacing face, tears rolling out of the corners of my eyes.  My hair looks like I stuck my finger in a light socket, since I can’t lift my arm to brush it after being upside-down. I panic a little, because I can’t move, and I’m nowhere near a phone. But eventually I’m able to walk a few steps over to my bed (this is one time I was thankful for the tininess of our condo) to lie down. A few minutes later, the paralysis leaves, leaving pain behind to mock me. I call work and tell them “Sorry, I know the mentally ill need me, but I hurt my back while blowdrying my hair.” I take some Tylenol and wait.

When I did get to work later that day, Jen says, “That’s it, you’re going to yoga with me.”  Jen is like a walking infomercial for this yoga stuff. She tells me how it’s fixed all kinds of physical problems for people (especially back issues). She tells me how her friend went from a size 12 to a size 2 because of Bikram Yoga.  She tells me how she could never have run a marathon without it. And she’s standing there looking like a damn spokesmodel as she tells me all this. In the aftermath of the blowdrying incident, I was an easy sell. To her surprise and mine, I say, “Ok. I’ll give it a try.”

(stay tuned…)