Today it’s a dreary rainy Saturday morning….. I have to grocery shop, and I need to make a list. I also need to go thru cabinets and clear out all that is bad. I think I am at the point, what is bad? I really feel as if I have some food allergies, but cant afford the hundreds of dollars it costs to have myself tested. Insurance doesn’t cover these types of tests.

So I continue researching on my own. I have soooo many books. But I have to start somewhere, right?  It all has to start somewhere. I get myself so overwhelmed. Guess where that leads me? Yup…. back to the store buying bad food. This is how I know I am a “comfort food” eater. The writing is written all over the proverbial wall. So I ask myself, IF I consciously am aware of this, why is it still such a difficult hurdle to get over? Shouldn’t it be much easier, if I am aware of it? I can sort of understand the unconscious/subconscious stuff manipulating ones choices, but I should have control, damn it, over my conscious choices. Now we are into area’s of psychology I just don’t understand. Does this mean more books? More research? 

Is there anyone out there that feels like this? That feels like they have to fully understand before they can partake in an action plan? What the hell is wrong with me? 

I was talking with a friend yesterday, and honestly, I have a very distorted view of my body image. I consider myself “plus size” as I weigh 197 lbs and wear a size 16/18.  Does that seem right? I am just shy of 5′8″ tall.  Now the way I describe myself to others, People are expecting me to be much large. I met someone not long ago, who was expecting me to be about 100 lbs larger than I was. All from the way I described myself.  I’m sure I didn’t give her height & weight but in other ways. What’s up with that??

I guess today, I’m just searching answers. I really don’t hate myself, on the contrary. I think I am just allowing a number on a scale to define who I am, and that is really messing me up. I really want to love the body I’m in NOW and continue to love it whether I drop another pound or not…….

Robyn and I are working on finding a fun way to bring exercise into our lives ( and keep it there ) and hope hope to make millions! LOL  It is going to be cutting edge- no sweat, easy peasy, burn calories, minutes a day,  for all you ladies who dread exercise like us!!!!! We’ll keep you posted……..

That’s all for now…. Have a GREAT weekend……

where do I start…. so much going on. Weight- it’s one of those things that I have found I can fight with and be miserable or sort of let it be and it remains consistent. With all that was going on, I chose to let it be.  No excuses, my choice. I am not here to complain, nor to make any outlandish expectations. I have made a lot of changes in the last 4 months. Many life changing, and all good for me and my health. I believe the last I was on here I was really a medical mess. Seems the stress of my old job was a very large contributor to this and I made the decision to leave that job. A tough decision financially, but my health has improved almost 100% and I don’t ever look back. I am working a 4 day work week, only 15 mins from home. I have the flexibility to go to my children’s school events/activities, and I have a 3 day weekend EVERY weekend. I am now a CERTIFIED yoga instructor, and have just located an office space for my Reiki practice, to open business within the next few weeks. I am also offering Indigo Goddess Art classes to girls thru our local Rec Dept starting in January. These are art classes promoting self esteem thru creativity. Teaching freedom of expression over perfection.

I guess my message tonight really is, believe in yourself. In what you want, in what you have to offer, and don’t settle. I knew this day would come. Don’t get me wrong, I certainly wasn’t the most patient of people, but it was soooooo worth the wait. I am so grateful for all I have been thru, and all who have shared in my journey.

The weight- It has been a subject I recently have brought back up to the surface. For ever, I think I have wanted to lose for various reasons, but none of them really the right reasons for ME. It seems easier for me to eat than to lose weight. The reasons don’t hold enough validity.The funny thing is, last night I was thinking, I have a man who loves me, clothes that fit me, I am mobile, my health is ok, so why cant I eat chips and pizza? See, there is the denial, and I need to get to the root of it. So I am searching deep for some true answers. I know I am not at my healthiest.  Then you throw in my hatred of exercise…. If I come up with a fool-proof win win exercise solution- I will market it and make millions. LOL

I’m going to try and check in a bit more regularly- I’m not making any forecasted promises. I’m just trying to find some answers. I know they are there. All we can do is the the best we can with what we have. That’s my plan.

I will be heading out of town tomorrow morning for the weekend, and not back til Sunday. I haven’t had a very good week health wise, so I am skipping the scale altogether this week. I have seen doctor’s who just frustrate me, because they think they can magically make things go away with a pill, all the while, they are just masking the problem. Neither doctor this week listened to me, and I am tired of paying out hundred of dollars for ignorant, although highly educated individuals, to be taking my cash, and I am seeing no improvement. I have been doing a lot of research on my own in the evenings. Late nights on the computer… Tony, if you’re reading this, I’m sure you can relate. I am left to handle this myself. I have read enough now to know that the answers to a lot of health questions are out there, and they don’t necessarily involve Prescriptions.  I think at this point, I know my body best, and after all the ” nonsense ” I have gone thru with the “professionals”, it’s time to take matters into my own hands. Did I mention hundreds of dollars, for nuthin’. nada. zilch. One doctor left me a half ass-ed voice mail the other day that was so lame I didn’t even finish listening to it. What a waste of not only my money, but my time.

I’m heading up to VT for the weekend. We are camping, white water rafting, and a little R & R. It’s not suppose to be too cold, but it may be wet. It’s a water sport, so who cares- I’ll beback on the scale for next friday. This will also be the first October weigh in for me, so i will total my Sept pounds lost.

Gotta go to work. Have a great weekend everyone! Or Robyn, since you really are the only one reading this, lol!!!!

Well I was glad I waited….. I continue on my journey, down 2 more, 191.4. YAY! I have been battling an intestinal thing, so it had been lower(190), but due to dehydration, so that is why I waited- I want to play fair. I am on the mend, and am getting some soft solids and fluids back in me, and am satisfied with the consistent 2 lb loss for the week. I am in no hurry to take it off too fast, and in the wrong way. Slow and steady, and most importantly, the healthy way! Have a great weekend.

I have had, yet another successful week of eating healthy and losing unwanted pounds. Down two more this week. 193.4 and very pleased. I remember when I first started this in January. I got so caught up in everyone else’s weight loss, that I didnt savor my own. I would beat myself up because someone else lost 5 lbs that week and I only lost 1 lb. How crazy I was…. I am on my path at my own pace. There really isn’t any right or wrong way, there is the best way that works for each of us. I have found mine. One to two pounds a week is perfectly fine with me- it’s healthy, I’m happy, and that is what matters most. I left here once because I lost focus of what this really was all about. I love the support I get here, but ultimately, it’s me and my body at the end of the day. I have to be happy with both, no matter what. Have a great weekend everyone!!!!

Going to keep this short and sweet, cause Robyn, you’re really the only one that stops on by. It keeps me accountable so I’m going to keep posting. As we discussed yesterday, I postponed the weigh in, for the ships hadn’t sailed. Well the fleet attacked last night- not a pleasant experience- have to find a better way to handle those situations- wink wink- what do you sit at when you go to a bar????? hint hint?? lol- cracking myself up  lol

OK, so YES, down two lbs… 195.4 . I figured I will start documenting my actual weight now. why not, right??

the lowest I got way back when was 192, so watch out, cause here I come….

Have a great weekend. Robyn, I’ll try to catch up with you sooner than later.

had a great long weekend- relaxed- got a lot done around the house. relaxed-

pleased to add i am down another lb. my whole relationship with food has made a complete change- I honestly no longer think about eating. I guess I am so busy being happy with what I am doing or working on things I plan on doing that food seems the least of my concerns. I sometimes will be reminded to eat by the loud grumbling of my stomach. No more cravings, no more, counting, just sensible eating. It’s crazy, but it’s working like magic. And I’m certainly not complaining. I am averaging about 1/4- 1/2 lb per day. have a great week. See you all here Friday!

wow, how time flies… I am down another 1.5 lbs and steady plugging along. I am not doing any one thing so strictly I am making myself nuts. I am being sensible, I am being practical, and I am being honest with myself. The other day, my boyfriend was having some potato chips, and I had a few. I savored every last 3 that I took. They were so salty and yummy, but 3. It really is about control for me and I think if I can stay on top of that, I can have the success I am looking for. The food doesn’t have to control me, I can and will control the food. The water intake is well beyond great. My new employer has a Poland Springs water dispenser at work, so yummy refills all day long- I’d say at least 100 oz…. and probably 40-60 oz of Arizona diet green tea w/ honey & ginseng( thanks Tony, I LOVE it ) 

Last week I exrecised a bunch. I hiked the forrest a few days- one day I went out twice, the following day I hurt my heel- Not sure what I did, so I may have to have it checked out, as I cant put any pressure on it. YIKES. Me and my left foot. Same foot I broke the toe on. Well, today is my day off, so off to run( not literally ) errands and get some busy work done. Hope everyone enjoys their long weekend. Take Care!!!

After a tough week, I was able to maintain my 1.5 loss from last week. I was worried, as my new job has food brought in almost daily. I feel like I am retaining a lb or do, I mean 2, if you know what I mean?? Sorry, I couldnt resist.

I was motivated by Robyn’s post, to start next week off fresh- no worries of the past, just focus on lowering food intake, increasing activities- saying no to Dunkin Donuts.  

I’m in the beginning stages of doing my family geneology search- I’m trying it on my own, as it can get quite costly. I have a couple leads, and it’s very exciting. My children have been in Florida since saturday- they went to Disney w/ their father- too bad the weather was so wet…… They are due back tomorrow, and I will see them Sunday evening. It’ll have been 12 days- too long for me.

Have a great weekend everyone. One day at a time.

Just a quick note to say I’m back on board. It has been a very hectic few months, and weight loss unfortunately didnt make it to the top of my priorities. I have made many possitive changes in my life, and my health and happiness are interwoven now. So, as today is Friday and weigh in day, I am pleased to say I lost 1.5 lbs this week. I am not sure how I will be doing my blog yet. Posting all the numbers was a lot of work, and I seemed to get overly frustrated with it, so I may just sit down and just type. 

I have started a new job. 30 hrs a week, it free’s me up to start my yoga classes and I now have a salon in town, I am offering Reiki at. So as you can see, I havent been sitting around. I was making things happen. Now it’s time for me to focus on myself. I had gained some of the 15 lbs I lost before back, so I am still below 200, but would like that number to continue downward. I have a great distant coach and she has been awesome. She is positive and encouraging, and I’m grateful she took me on. 

More to come.