I was contacted yesterday by one of my yoga instructors, who is also a massage therapist. We talked a little about the last 7 weeks of my “medical stuff”, and she must have heard the frustration in my voice. She invited me to her gentle yoga class, and following that,  suggested she give me a massage. Hmmm, I thought. I could make a million excuses out of fear, or I could take back some control over my health and give it a try. Certainly couldnt hurt. So I happily accepted her offer.  Bright and early this morning I took and hour long yoga class. Lots of slow movement, and gentle stretching. Then off for my massage. We must have talked for a couple of hours, before and after the massage. I left feeling empowered. I had never met her, only thru emails, and when she saw me, she asked how much had I weighed, as I had given her the impression I was much heavier. I found this interesting, as I hadnt known I was doing this. I am soo unhappy with my weight, I guess I have made it much bigger than it is. I never had told her my weight in pounds, but must have conveyed myself as a much heavier person.  WOW, talk about negative self image.                                                    I had a lot, I mean A LOT, of tension in my middle( thoracic) part of my back. She said there was a good chance, due to the muscles being so tight, they may have pulled my spine out of alignment. We all know the powers of STRESS. Again, found this extremely interesting, and very plausible.  I dont want to give up my power to heal myself. The medical field has yet to prove to me that their answers are any better. Their treatment takes an additional toll on my body. Makes you really think…….  She ended the session by sharing a few additional stretches I can do to loosen that part of my back up.  I plan to get a massage monthly. I owe it to myself, and I will resume my gentle yoga routine, as it really did help my mental health. I had an awesome day, and a day I would love to fill up weeks with. Today showed me where my life is going. I feel as if I am leading a double life at times, with a “regular job” that doesnt fulfill me, and a lifestyle that has been stuck in a very “normal” routine, with little interest.  I felt alive today, and I want to feel that much more often. As my yoga instructor said, my mind and my dreams are moving a little quicker than my body. All my dreams are coming together, but I need to make sure to give my body a chance to catch up. Next Friday I will be traveling w/ 2 of my yoga instructors to an inner city elementary school where we will introduce yoga to them. Should be quite exciting. Then in just a month, I will head up north( VT ) for my yoga retreat weekend.  Dont let fear stand in the way of your dreams. Believe and they will happen. 

well, today was filled with information-  for that I am grateful. Not all great, but I am able to reorganize and change my pattern to accommodate. First was court- After a lengthy discussion with my attorney, we have a 60 day continuance. It was for very good reasons, and I am good with that. It involves additional meetings with other professionals, but the end result should be a good one. The weather was crazy rainy today. At some points, like the sky literally opened up and dumped buckets down. I stayed indoors all day. Fed everyone, and I had a peanut butter and Jelly sandwich.  Just before 8pm, I got THE call from my doctor. He asked did I have a minute……. Yeah, I’ve been waiting 7, yes seven,  weeks for some news. OK, so the MRI found degenerative changes in my neck and spine, spurs, and a disc incroaching on a nerve. OK< what does that mean,, I asked. He said he has to refer me to a neurologist and he will be better to answer my questions.  But the pain, can you help me with the pain…….. the neurologist will most likely give you a Rx. Great, so now I have a diagnosis, and havent a clue what it means? Will this heal? What course of treatment? Anything? 7 weeks……  So I will call the neurologist tomorrow morning and schedule an appointment. That was my Monday, how was yours?  LOL  

It’s Friday, and that means weigh day!! I started this week at 196. I had put on some pounds and on Monday started the carb purge. I had done it once before and for two consecutive days. This time I extended it to three days. The forth day I ate fairly normal. So todays weight, 192. I lost 4 lbs this week. I am pleased. Although I will not carb purge daily, I believe eating the raw green veggies is a great way to control my intake and it’s healthy. I am getting a balanced diet( proteins, fruit) just no “bad” carbs. Maybe I have a carb allergy, and thats why the weight wouldnt drop. Is there such a thing as a carb allergy?? lol  I am hoping to be in the 180’s next Friday. YAY! for me!!  I Had the MRI last night, 8pm. They called me at the last minute, and got me in the same day, so for that I am happy. I should have results by Monday. MRI was quite an experience. I went in with my eyes closed and did a lot of visualization and controlled breathing, and made it through fine. The machine sure vibrates a lot and is quite noisy. I am optimistic this will help with my diagnosis. It is time to identify and correct, so I can get back to my life. We are expecting some light rain this weekend. After 2 weeks of PURE sunshine, I will not complain!!!! Enjoy your weekend.   

Well first, I made it thru my 2 day carb purge with no problems, so I decided to extend it one more day(today). In the 2 days I dropped 3 lbs and am hoping by the end of today, getting back to the 192 lbs where I left off over a month ago. To be honest, after a couple of days of carb purging, I really have no cravings. Kinda cool. So I’ll wrap up today, and see where it leaves me for weigh in on Friday. Yup, I’m back!!!!  Re: my health. The new Rx has helped with the burning in the chest, but now I have neck and upper back pain. Feels like whiplash and the Dr is ordering an MRI this week. Hopefully( fingers crossed) this will tell me something, and all the guessing and testing will end. Although a new and more uncomfortable pain came from the new Rx, at least we have isolated the part of the body causing the problems.  For that I am grateful. Will keep you posted.  I am feeling much more optimistic.Re: court crap- Big day on Monday. The ex and I are not in agreement, and my attorney is confident in our position. There will be no negotiations until then, so I have put it out of my mind for the time being.  I am actually feeling much more optimistic there as well.  I am going to drag a chair outside and enjoy the sunshine. I wish I could do more, but I am appreciative of my down time. Time to do some reflection, enjoy the sun and outdoors, and just chill. I know I need it. Have a great day everyone! Thanks for your kind words thru all this. They are much appreciated.     :–) 

Although not cleared for exercise yet, no need to put off eating properly again.  I started my 2 day carb purge this morning, with hopes of getting me back on track. With the kids home last week, we ate out( actually ordered in) and none of my choices were very good.  I believe I was stress eating again, and I have to stay on top of that! I am in the right frame of mind today, so here’s to weight loss and good, healthy eating.  Just a quick note to keep me accountable- may check back later with an update. 

This week’s weather could not have been more beautiful.  Every single day, sunny and in the 70’s. My children had the week off from school, so they were able to enjoy all of it. Between doctor visits, and trips to CVS, I was running around quite a bit. I think I changed medications 2-3 times this week. Trying to rule out ever last thing they can think of. The most recent try is, MAYBE I have a pinched nerve in my neck, upper spine, which would cause the pain to radiate to my chest, causing the burning.  Sounded plausible. So off all prior medication, onto a new nerve pain drug. Now it wont eliminate the problem, but if it works at killing the pain, then off to the neurologist. Oh, and you are warned it may cause drowsiness, so take at night. I have taken it for two nights, and each morning I wake, no hangover feeling( a doctor asked me this) but pain in my neck and now burning in my upper back.. Today the worst pain in my neck ever. So I have to follow up with him on Monday, but maybe, just maybe, we are getting somewhere. Thank all of you for your support during these hellish 5 weeks. OK, onto my eating……..With the kids home this week, and feeling like crap, we ordered out a lot. So to say the very least, I wasn’t very diligent about my food consumption.  I really do know what I have to do, so, I think on Monday, will power permitting, I am going to do the 2 day carb purge, and get back, where I left off. I have been wearing tank tops and shorts( around the house ONLY) and that in itself is a reminder that I have a ways to go. I’m not completely dis-satisfied, as I have lost 15 lbs ish (fluctuating right now up 3 lbs) and know it can be done with consistent eating.  I will ask the doctor if I can ride the recumbent bike, as it’s leg work. I know very little about back/nerve/disc stuff. If anyone has experienced anything like this, I’m all ears. My morale is good, I am optimistic. With all the doctor visits we have ruled out A LOT of really bad stuff. Having the heart issues cleared was the best news ever. All internal organs checked out fine. SO, although the saga continues, I am feeling it is nearing the end towards resolution.Speaking of resolution, I had a custody meeting on Friday w/ the ex, shrink, and kids attorney. No surprises. They thought if we met, they could facilitate some communication between the 2 of us. It was much of the same b/s. I was not there to be bullied by any of them, and it was a waste of 2 hrs and a whole hell of a lot of $$$$. I will also speak w/ my attorney on Monday. I think it is about to escalate, and then be resolved. Fingers crossed.Well, there you have my weekly update. I will try to get on here more often.  The last 5 weeks have been nothing less than ridiculous.  I had been very frustrated with the medical world, and there was no need to update on the daily nonsense. I am hoping to be back here in a more positive fashion very soon. I am hoping with this post forward, I can bring you positive info. Thanks for stopping by. 

Wow, we had some gorgeous weather this weekend! Although my energy is zapped right now, I managed to get outside and soak up the sun! I wandered around our property with my camera, found some interesting shots to take, and truly enjoyed the sound of my children playing. The more and more I think about it, living in the moment is really what its all about.  To be actively conscious in the present… sounds so easy, but think about it? We have a million and 2 distractions that have us thinking about tomorrow, next week, a holiday to come. Those are precious present moments lost. I’m not saying dont plan for the future, but I believe a little more time spent in the moment is priceless. Tony, your blog entry today was really beautiful. From the picture you posted, to the descriptive way you described your day with your family. Those are priceless memories to be cherished.  Thank you! Everyone, enjoy today! Take a moment to silence your thoughts and ENJOY the present moment. You’ll never get it back.  

As I sit here, wondering what to write about, I am leaning to not writing at all. My last few weeks of health issues seem to be my topics, and not very motivating to others. Sadly, this is real for me, and it has occupied all of my thoughts. I havent really been eating any certain way. I have little appetite and I am taking an array of meds that have me really frustrated, because nothing is working.  Maybe I journal in the hopes of figuring it out myself, I dont know. The last couple of days I have been nausea ridden and dizzy. I was thinking it was my sinuses, but then today thought maybe it is my blood pressure. I am going to call the doctor in the morning, just to check my vitals. I am now sounding like a hypochondriac, and I’m not one. What a crazy roller coaster ride.  It’s time for the ride to be over. I have had quite enough, and cant take it anymore. My kids are home for vacation next week, and this is going to ruin it for them. I have to buy stamps, I have to grocery shop. Life stops if I dont get some of this stuff done. I am WILLING myself better. Tomorrow when I wake up, I WILL feel better. I have to.  

I had to laugh, as I sat down this morning. My blog, which started out about weight, has now evolved into a health log.  I have to be honest and say I am becoming a skeptic to modern medicine. For the time these physicians spend studying, It continues to seem that it is a guessing game. I know the human body is complex, but I can honestly say, my symptoms are stumping the best of them. The original symptoms of burning in the chest and back have been with me from the start, which goes back 3 weeks. I can tell you what it isnt, after many visits to Dr’s offices, labs, hospital, x-rays, CT scans, ultrasounds and the like.  Today we ruled out gall bladder. The heart has been cleared( for the most part). Yesterday we discussed a lung irritation, or possible viral cardio something. I dont have pneumonia or bronchitis , I dont have an ambolism(sp) in my lungs. Oh, I am also on prilosec, for possible esophagus something. Many pharmacy visits later, I still have the burning in my chest and back. So today, I made an appointment w/ my naturopath.  One just never knows, and I am anxious to resolve. To be continued…….. Despite it all, I am still feeling good, in the mental sense. I have no feelings of throwing in the towel, or remove myself from society.  I am taking one day at a time, and am looking forward to putting  this behind me. We are expecting 60 degree weather for the next few days. I will do my best to get outdoors and enjoy it!  ~~~~~6:45pm update ~~~~~  I met with my Naturopath doctor- what an awesome woman. I genuinely felt cared for. She listened to my saga to date, and offered up her opinion. We are going to try a couple of homeopathic remedies, and see where that takes me. We also discussed weight loss. She was pleased with my recent change in food choices. She shared that as women get older( me) that our levels of estrogen decrease. At this point our ability to burn carbs also decreases. She highly agreed that a diet of lean protein and carbs from veggies and fruit would be my best best to drop weight. This is how I dropped those last 5 lbs. It is a bit of a challenge, as I have lived a CARB life, but I DO know it works, and it’s back on the path of “no bad carbs” for me. She also uged me to lift weights. Each year women my age lose approx 5 lbs of muscle if they dont work their muscles. That was a scary statistic. Once the burning in my chest resolves, I am cleared for exercise. YAY!! After the doctor, I spoke w/ my attorney. We had a great conversation of our position in this whole court thing, and his confidence( really genuine) has relieved a lot of my angst! His advise- hold my ground. Phew… That was a relief. So tonight, I will sleep like a baby. 

Well, the dreaded Monday court meeting has come and gone, with a 3 week continuance. No surprise there. The meeting was quick, nothing unexpected, and I press on. I also had a visit to the doctor- more tests and Rx’s are expected. I seem to be on top of things though. I believe I am on the path to success, in all area’s, and am just experiencing a few bumps in the road.  They are an annoyance,  but they will pass. As Gloria Gaynor sings, “I will survive, hey hey!!!! ” The weight had me a little concerned, as I had gotten down to 192, then it bounced back up to 196 for over a week. I am assuming with all the tests, and IV’s and Rx’s, my body was messed up. I was back down to 192 this morning. That alone makes me smile. So, there is my Monday. Not nearly as bad as I was thinking. I really need to let go of these preconceived idea’s in my head. I carry around way too much worry, for things well out of my control.