10 pounds….how hard can it be?!

I had a Bachelorette Party this past weekend in Palm Desert. It was an absolute blast, of course, but I drank enough Vodka to kill a Russian. I was feeling dehydrated and emaciated by the time I got back (sporadic meals the whole time we were there and tons of partying) and was truly excited to step on the scale…..I GAINED 3 lbs! What the heck?

I’m starting to feel really frustrated with this because I’m working out a ton, eating better, and not seeing much progress. I feel way less flabby than when I started, but my pants are still tight and the scale isn’t moving in the right direction. Quite the opposite, in fact.

I’m going to lay off the booze for a while and just keep on trekking….something’s gotta give.

Crap.

Crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, CRAP!!!

I blew it, yet again, today with the calories today….and right after I proclaimed to the world that I would be cutting my calories down, too. LOL. Classic.

I ate around 1650 calories today. Here’s the thing, though. I was genuinely hungry and genuinely appreciated every single one of them. I didn’t over-stuff myself at any one sitting, drank all the water I was supposed to, and ran the 5 miles I promised myself I would. I’m approaching my TOM, which explains the added hunger, but I can truthfully say I think I needed all the calories I consumed today. Is this possible?

I read a bunch of different blogs every day (yes, I am the silent-stalker/predator-blog-reader-who-barely-ever-comments type), and am amazed how much some people exercise while consuming so few calories. I envy the willpower. But, I also have to remember that everyone’s goal is different, everyone’s plan is different, and people lose weight at different speeds. I’m 5 foot 5 1/2 inches and 136 pounds. It’s just not possible for me to lose weight as rapidly as I would like in a healthy, sustainable manner.

It doesn’t make sense for me to drastically cut my calories when my body is happy with my current daily intake and I’m able to lose weight, albeit slowly, on my current plan. I’m exercising 5 times the amount that I was a few months ago (um, not hard to do seeing as how I wasn’t working out at all a few months ago, and I now work out 5 times per week), and actually watching what goes in my mouth. It’s only been a few weeks and I’ve already lost a couple pounds. There is no reason to cut calories or change my plan….yet. Perhaps I’m being too hard on myself. I can’t help that I’m a sucker for instant gratification.

Alright, enough of the justifying. Ha!

Back to my 1500-1600 calorie/day max and 5 workouts/week plan. Next weigh in and attempt to get in “skinny pants” again next week after previously mentioned Bachelorette party. Praying for 135 by next week….

I know I mentioned this before, but I need to remind myself not to let my emotions about losing weight become a direct reflection of the number I see on the scale. I tend to get OBSESSED with whatever number I see when I weigh myself, which in turn dictates my mood for that day….or week.

This story is the perfect example of how the scale can become one’s worst enemy:

When I was “training” for my wedding last year (Sidenote: I use the word “training” because that is exactly what it was. Bootcamp at 6:00am, 5 days a week, for four months. Kicked my ass), I had never seen my body change so quickly. I hated every minute of it (I’m more of the cardio kickboxing/dancy aerobics type), but it definitely worked. I dropped a pants size and toned up after only a couple months. Co-workers and friends were commenting on how good I looked. I even went out and bought myself a couple of new pairs of jeans. It was a painful process, but I loved the way I looked.

My fiance (now husband) and I were living together at the time, and didn’t own a scale. I’ve always had a tumultuous relationship with the scale, so I decided against keeping one in the house. Soooooooo…..when we went to a friend’s party and I noticed they had a scale in the bathroom, I was naturally excited to step right on it to see how much weight I had lost since I was a pants size smaller and several people had noticed my new bod. So, I locked myself in the bathroom and stepped on the scale, grinning from ear to ear and excited to see the number pop, only to see my STARTING WEIGHT appear on the screen (I knew it was my starting weight because I weighed myself at the gym when I started the program). WTF?!

Here’s where it gets really embarrassing. I could hear the partying and socializing going on outside the closed door of the bathroom as I stood on the scale, mouth gaping, completely disappointed with my findings. I was so in denial that I even took it a step further. I convinced myself that my clothes that day must have been extraordinarily heavy, so I stripped down naked (yes, this was at a friend’s house….in the middle of a party), to re-weigh myself. 1.5 pounds less than with clothes on, but still the exact same that I weighed naked when I started. Defeated, I got off the scale, dressed, and went back out to socialize. I was in a bad mood for the rest of the night.

Here’s the thing….I could actually see and feel the differences in my body, but the scale didn’t reflect them. It is for this reason why I think it’s really important to use measurements as a gauge as well, especially when there is weight training also in play. And, for future reference, I will not be stripping down to my birthday suit to weigh myself in social settings anymore. Totally ridiculous.

The reason I’m even on this tangent is because I’ve decided not to weigh myself this week. I have a bachelorette party in Palm Springs, CA, this weekend, and I don’t want to waste any time feeling self-conscious or disappointed because the scale isn’t cooperating. I’m also pre-menstrual, so it will be impossible to tell whether I’m bloated, etc. I’m just going to continue with my plan as I have been, omitting my weekly weigh in so that I can be happy and “enjoy the moment” this weekend. I’ll resume weigh-ins next week.

I ended the day at about 1600 calories yesterday (could have been better). My workout (total body conditioning) was great, however, and I feel “good-sore.” I am going to attempt 1400 calories today, and need to do an hour of cardio. I also may take the scale out of the house and leave it in the garage this week.

I was in the kitchen just a moment ago, about 5 minutes into World’s Most Ridiculous SnackFest 2008 (in this time, I managed to eat a peach, several handfuls of almonds and raisins, a piece of low fat string cheese, and was on my way to a piece of peanut butter toast) when the phone rang. I’ve never been more glad for a work call in my entire life. After I took the call and had a moment to reflect outside the kitchen, I realized I wasn’t even hungry anymore. Had I ever been truly hungry? What in the hell was I doing? What damage was I about to cause?

I’ve never really considered myself a “binge eater,” but I was about to go on a rampage. It’s not like I would have had anything horribly bad for me because I don’t keep anything but healthy foods in the house. It’s the amount I could have eaten that worries me.

And I shouldn’t even be hungry! I had fruit and cottage cheese for breakfast, and a cup of Thai soup with steamed veggies/tofu and brown rice for lunch. I was planning to stop after the string cheese and peach (which was supposed to be my snack), but I literally fell into a trance until the phone rang. It was the first and only time I’ve been glad to hear my manager’s voice. Saved by the bell!

I’m so glad to have a place to write all this down. I’m sure I’ve done this several times in the past without even realizing it! The only reason I’m even paying attention is because I am journaling. This is definitely a good thing for me. I need to start acknowledging bad habits so I can change them. These 10 pounds didn’t appear out of thin air.

I don’t drink nearly enough water, and I’m beginning to realize that my body often triggers the “I’m hungry” button in my brain as a result. My workouts are intense and take a toll on my body, and have increased in frequency. There is no excuse not to hydrate. I’m sabotaging my diet and my health. Note to self: Drink 2 HUGE Sigg bottles of water every day.

In better news, I did really well yesterday. I did my hour of cardio at the gym, and had a good day of eating. I definitely had more calories than I would have liked (around 1800), but my workout made me feel okay about it. 5 consecutive days of working out as hard as I did makes me feel really proud of myself.

I am going to relax and read for a bit, and then do my at-home workout. 20 minutes of cardio and 40 minutes of free weight training (TurboJam DVDs). I’m going to do a Mexican Breakfast (beans and eggs) for dinner.

Happy Monday.

It’s a beautiful day here in San Francisco and my husband and all our friends are already (it’s 10:30am) at our favorite bar watching the Patriots and Red Sox games (I’m a California girl, but my hubby is from New England). 99.999% of me wanted to join in the debauchery, but I know that part of losing weight involves making smarter choices. So, instead of drinking Bloody Mary’s and eating bar food, I’m prepping myself for a good workout. I can meet them after my workout if I’m still feeling up to it. And if I do meet them, I will force myself to refrain from the bar food and Bloodies. I may not have the Sunday Funday I’m accustomed to, but a semi-Funday (workout and meet them later) is a good compromise.

I had a great day yesterday. I got up and had a bowl of shredded wheat with blueberries, accomplished the five mile run with my husband, and we BBQ’d later in the day. For anyone interested, Shape Magazine has the BEST recipe for a low-fat burger. I seriously couldn’t even believe how divine it was (the husband had two!).

http://www.shape.com/healthy_eating/recipes/6342

I made a salad with it, and was full through the evening. I also stayed to my daily calorie allowance of 1500 calories, which was amazing given the size of the burger.

I’m dreading the gym today, but know it is necessary. It’s funny how much I dread it sometimes because I never leave the gym regretting my decision to go. An hour of cardio is a small price to pay for overall good mental and physical health. Plus, I made a promise to myself to work out 5 times this week…..only one more workout to go.

I weighed myself this morning to see about .5lb weight loss. I wish I had lost more this week, but I’m trying not to tie my emotions to the number on the scale. I would be a wreck if I did. I have been doing a lot of weight training, too, so I’m not sure the scale is the perfect indication of any progress being made. I am going to start using the scale and my “skinny pants” to gauge my progress.

Enough of the procrastination….off to the gym now.

I was looking at my wedding photos from just over a year ago and thought to myself, “Damn, I looked hot….and so skinny!” How in the hell did I manage to gain 10 pounds since then?! Oh wait….was it the complete denial of an active lifestyle (avoided exercise for 3 months), eating junk food at any opportunity, or the extravagant comfort foods I was preparing with all my fancy new cookware? Or perhaps it was the fact that I was also drinking my weight in wine on the weekends……hmmmmm. It wasn’t until a couple weeks ago when I literally had to shimmy into my work pants to get them over my hips that I realized I needed to do something. And here I am.

I debated for a long while about whether or not I should actually bite the bullet and use a weight loss site/blog to help my in my journey to a 10-pound-thinner me. My weight hasn’t spiraled out of control, by any means, and I look completely average. My goal seems so trivial in comparison to others’ on this site, and I can’t even begin to fathom some of the successes I’ve read about. There are truly some amazing an inspirational ladies out there! However, I am completely uncomfortable in my own skin and I realize that, at the end of the day, no matter what size we are or what size we aspire to be, we all have the same end goal—to be the best possible versions of ourselves.

My weight has definitely fluctuated through the years, so feeling this way is not an entirely new feeling. I’ve been on so many “plans” (starving myself, detox, high protein, low fat, diet pills, etc.) only to come to the realization that the only thing that ever really works for me is the old fashioned method of healthy diet and exercise. And, I’m not talking about 20 minutes a couple times a week, I’m talking about real exercise (like 60 minutes, 4-5 times per week).

I started my new plan of healthy eating and working out a few weeks ago, and have seen a couple pounds come off (yay!), but I’ve had a few slip-ups too. Like Labor Day, for example, when I couldn’t keep my hands out of the chips and had an extra serving of “Dave’s Famous Cheesy Potatoes.” My Lord, they were delicious! But definitely not worth the guilt I felt the next day. The point is, I’m human and I’m going to slip up. I just have to keep my eye on the prize and get myself back on track.

My workouts thus far this week:

Wednesday: Cardio and weights (combined training) 60 minutes

Thursday: Ran 5 miles

Friday: Cardio and weights (combined training) 60 minutes

Today: Going Running for 5 miles with the husband

Oh, and speaking of my husband…..he’s the absolute BEST….and worst. The guy would continue to think I’m Miss America if I had twelve chins and couldn’t fit through the door. Bless his heart for loving me unconditionally, but I can’t let myself get off track because I’m comfortable. And I digress…

Eating Plan:

About 1500 calories a day, mostly fruits, veggies and protein, only “good carbs” (whole wheat pasta, fiber, etc.).

Wish me luck….I’m going to need it!