Okay, so I haven’t written in a while — I feel like the first couple weeks of losing weight, I was thinking of it as my full-time job: I would spend hours and hours every day cataloguing my weight, scouring 3fc (still do that!), measuring and remeasuring every part of my body, basically just trying to fill my days with weight loss obsession. As I’ve gone on with it and actually had time to lose some of the weight, though, I’ve calmed down, and giving up the blog was a byproduct of that.

Anyway, I haven’t done my official morning weigh-in just yet, but as of yesterday I’m down to 218, a 26-pound loss since August 13 — so almost exactly two months. I was weighing in at exactly 220.4 for EIGHT DAYS before dropping, which was absolute torture. It got to the point where seeing 219 on the scale was as exciting as seeing 199. (Not that I’m not still psyched for ONEderland — I should be there pretty comfortably by Christmas, if I keep losing at the current rate or a teensy bit more slowly.)

I actually had kind of a question, though, in case anyone clicks through these blogs. I feel like I might not e eating enough. And don’t roll your eyes, please. I know I’m always deeply, deeply skeptical when a woman, on the first couple weeks of a diet, says that she’s having a hard time making herself eat — usually it means there’s a Taco Bell binge-fest in the near future — so let me explain that the problem isn’t that I’ve become so virtuous and comfortable with food that I have no appetite anymore, etc, etc. The problem is that I eat almost nothing calorie-dense during the day (most of my calories are from vegetables/soups/really high fiber cereal/and some fruit), so even though I eat all day, I’ve rarely eaten more then 500 calories by 8pm. And then dinner comes along (again, something veggie-heavy and light in carbs — I don’t eat meat six days a week, eight, so no calories from protein) and I get myself worried that I’m so under-calorie, and end up eating until I’m past full just to make it up to 1200 calories.

The result is that at the end of the night I’m full and bloated (which can only negatively impact my morning weigh-in), and feel like I’m not respecting my body’s fullness. But I’m desperately afraid of screwing up my metabolism by eating under that magic 1200 number. Even so, a lot of days I don’t even make it up to 1200. What should I do? I’m 5′7″ and 218; I do cardio 30 minutes 3 times a week, 90 mins twice a week, and do light strength training 3 times a week. I only want to eat food that’s good for me, but I don’t have the appetite to eat enough of it.

Hm, on the bright side, I wish I’d had this problem back when I was gaining all the weight.

!!!!! Below 235! Man, every five-pound mark is just toooooo exciting. Yesterday I made an effort to eat four mini-meals (plus one snack and, inevitably, an ice cream sandwich) to keep my metabolism revving, and apparently it worked! I’m also focusing on drinking more water. I had over 120 ounces yesterday, which kept my diet soda habit down from my normal eight or so cans to only two. Also, this might be psychosomatic, but I think drinking less artificial sweetener makes it easier to appreciate real sweetness — my Kashi this morning tasted like friggin’ Haagen Dazs. It was so good I had a momentary freak-out and checked to make sure I put in light soy milk (I did). Then I just sat back and enjoyed it.

Also, my prodigal period finally came, so I’m trying to keep my system flushed with water to discourage water retention. Turns out getting twice the RDA of fiber, plus like a gallon of water is a great way to keep your system clear. Is that tmi? Whatever, when you’re burning fat it’s easy to get a little … stuck … so combatting it is a pretty relevant ish.

Great run today on the elliptical. I got to move it down to a new user weight (yay!), so I burned slightly fewer calories than my best recent workout, but I ran 2.43 miles in my 40 minutes, pushing me up to 3.6mph. Not impressive, but I definitely couldn’t have managed that two weeks ago. Limited huffing (though some puffing), but man, there’s a late-summer heatwave going on, so I was a friggin’ SWEATOSAURUS. During my shower afterwards I kept starting to get out, then realizing I was still sweating. Yikes.

Daily breakdown:

B: three-bean stew (almost done with it!): 307

Lunch: Kashi & soy milk: 225

Afternoon stomach tamer: Gnu chocolate brownie bar: 140

Evening meal: 1/4 ww English muffin, 1/2 tbs peanut butter: 80

Dinner: going out for Mexican — hopefully will keep it in control.

Calories burned: 660.9

I feel completely awesome! Three mini milestones today:

1) I ran over 2 miles (2.3 to be exact) on the elliptical WITHOUT STOPPING for the first time ever! Usually I stop for fifteen seconds or so in the middle to grab another water bottle — I knew I should just set it up somewhere else, but I kept convincing myself not to because that fifteen second rest felt so good — but today I set up a water table by the elliptical and didn’t even slow down. I’m definitely not winning any medals for speed (a steady 3.5mph), but it’s only been two weeks and I started out closer to 3mph, so I’m getting somewhere.

2) I’m actually up, breakfasted and exercised before 1pm. I usually wake up around 8, then dawdle reading exercise blogs and doing other non-essentials. I’ve been thinking of dieting as my full-time job, which has wreaked havoc on my productivity. Trying to break that habit.

3) Non-scale victory: It’s not a big, exciting one or anything, but I had a pair of super-cute red boots (from high school or thereabouts) that I rediscovered in my parents’ house a few weeks ago. I tried them on, but couldn’t zip up the last inch or so on my ginormous, jiggly calves. This morning I put them on and they zipped up with room to spare. The elliptical is paying off!

Awesome. I also blasted through that couple-day frustrating gain/plateau. I’m down a total of 7.8 pounds, which isn’t too shabby for only two weeks serious dieting/exercise. Not too far away from being able to choose a new weight on my elliptical…

Calories burned: 599.0 (less than usual because I chose a lower-incline course to work different muscles)

Breakfast: kashi & light soy milk (225)

Lunch: 1 cup lentil soup, 1 Morningstar Southwest veggie patty, 1 mini Reese’s cup (lame) (322)

Mid-afternoon meal: 1 ww English muffin, 1 tbs peanut butter (225)

Random hunger pain: Gnu chocolate brownie (140)

Dinner: I’m training for work and apparently they’re ordering in Puerto Rican food. I’ll make the smartest decision I can and hope everything isn’t covered in cheese… 3 oz roasted chicken with skin, 1/4 plantain (259)

Mooooooo: Skinny cow (140)

Total eaten: 1310

Calorie deficit: 1534.0

Awesome! I am awesome.

So I just finished a fantastic, filling lunch (leftover lean broiled porkchop and, um, nine ounces of peas [what? i'm pre-menstrual. gotsta load up on fiber.]) on top of my normal breakfast, and my calorie-counting program informs me I’m still at an overall calorie deficit for the day. What this means is that, if I so chose, I could eat a 2100-calorie dinner and STILL NOT GAIN WEIGHT. Obviously I would never do this, but it kind of makes me wonder … what the fuck was I eating in the first place, that I got so fat?

Must have been the Twizzlers.

Even though the scale (of course) says I put on almost one pound during the 40 minutes I was on the elliptical. Basic body math. Burn 650 calories, gain 1 pound. I mean, unless there’s over a pound of sweat on me (joking — distinctly and disgustingly possible, but mostly a joke.)

Anyway, I’m happy with the run I had. Including five-minute cool down, 40 minutes on the elliptical at resistance level 4 (out of 10, but one step at a time.) I took it a step farther than yesterday and covered the display with an extra towel so I didn’t get too caught up on the numbers, and just went at a pace that felt comfortably challenging. In 40 minutes on the highest-incline route, I went 2.4 miles! And I felt distinctly not-dead afterwards!

Not earth-shattering, but I’m happy that every day I’m getting faster and gaining endurance. (My feet actually went numb from exercise! Me! Who has been not unknown to break a sweat playing Yahtzee.)

Daily breakdown:

Calories burned: 657.1

Breakfast: Kashi and light soymilk (225)

Lunch: leftover pork chop, ENTIRE PACKAGE of frozen peas (364)

Mid-Afternoon Snack: Gnu chocolate brownie bar (12 g of fiber!) (140)

Early Evening Meal Hold-off: half ww English muffin, 1 tbs peanut butter (160)

Super super late dinner: 1 bowl three-bean stew with ground turkey (yum!), 1 oz sourdough bread (508)

Dessert: Mint skinny cow (admittedly not soooo skinny at 140)

Total eaten: 1538

Total deficit: 1406. Well done.

Two pounds! Two bishop-flipping pounds the scale tells me I put on this morning! This is my just and merciful reward for skipping the flan last night?

Clearly this is just water retention from my upcoming period. All morning I procrastinated on the weigh-in, hoping I’d mystically lose the weight from my, ahem, unofficial weigh-ins. I furrowed my brow and thought of Niagra Falls to try to conjure up a few more expendable ounces. When that worked, I went and peed, got onto the scale and had GAINED two ounces!

Come on, biology. You’re fooling no one. I know that’s impossible.

I updated the spreadsheet o’ doom, and between my awesome eating habits and my decent workout, I’ve been averaging a calorie deficit of 1100 for the past five days. Clearly this suggests I should have lost two thirds of a pound in the past two days instead of, oh, I don’t know, gaining TWO AND A HALF.

Whatever, I’m just going to cue up some Frasier and elliptical until I can’t feel my legs (or 40 minutes, whichever comes first.)

…for an otherwise blah diet day.

Today I woke up too early and spent most of the morning lounging, reading diet blogs, waiting for boyf to wake up (he’s the pokiest puppy). By the time he was finally astir, I was ready for a nap. (Okay, there might have been an interlude when we were both awake in bed.) We didn’t end up starting our day until after 1, by which point we were ravenous, so I didn’t have time to work out before lunch.

Working out after lunch is the worst. THE WORST. I always thunk around like a plutonium elephant, and afterwards I feel tired instead of energized.

But because I am virtuous (and we are going out for dinner tonight), I dutifully loaded up a few episodes of Frasier, mounted the elliptical and fired ‘er up. At 7:32 out of my thirty-minute workout, I wanted to get off and crawl in the shower, but I convinced myself to last ’til 8:00. At eight minutes, I convinced myself to go for fifteen. At fifteen, I turned off the calories-per-minute counter that I usually focus on to try to beat my old personal bests, and told myself I was allowed to go as granny slow as I wanted, as long as I finished

Miracle of miracles, not only did I finish the workout, but I actually did pretty well! I didn’t break any calorie-burning records (sucks, because I just crossed the 500-calorie workout milestone and wanted to keep upwardly mobile), but I ended up burning 15 calories/min (including my five minutes of cooldown) and running 1.75 miles. Not only that, but I wasn’t breathing too hard or feeling especially decimated afterwards — big change from my usual workouts.

Less than a week ago, when I bumped my runs up to 30 mins and moved up to this resistance level, it felt like somebody was slamming a socket wrench around my ribcage. Running a little over a mile and a half absolutely kicked my ass. Now I can hit 1.75 at my relaxed pace. Not bad.

Doing well on food so far, but we’ll see how dinner goes:

Breakfast: 1 cup Kashi, 4 oz. Silk light soy milk (225)

Lunch: 1/2 MorningStar southwest veggie cake (yum!), 1 cup lentil soup, lean pork chop (399)

Dinner: …hopefully nothing terrible. I’ve got at least 800 calories left.

Calories burned: 452.0 (respectable)

[Edit: I was a total bonafide Whoopi-Goldberg-at-end-of-Sister-Act SAINT at dinner. Boyf and I went to my favorite Mexican restaurant, where we split a pork burrito (no sour cream, no cheese, guac on the side for him, etc, etc) with a side of black beans. I ate three -- THREE! -- tortilla chips and, for dessert, the two peppermints that came with the check. That, plus latenight snack of one Mochi ball, put me at a fantastic 1490 calories for the day.

Including my workout, a staggering 800 calorie deficit. Of course none of this will show up on the scale until I debloat from my impending period, but still. Prepare your canon, Vatican City. I am noble and beneficent goddess of pure lifestyle and non-emotional eating.]

Somebody please explain how in god’s name, after a 500-calorie-burning workout and eating only 1400 cals of high-fiber/lean protein super-healthiness (plus two mochi) yesterday, I mysteriously GAINED 0.4 pounds today. Ugh, hate the fluctuations. Come on, this is massive calorie deficit. I mean, I’m a friggin’ mastadon — it takes like 2000 calories just to keep my heart beating and armpit hair growing. But all my good from yesterday is sucked into the CALORIE DEFICIT VORTEX. Every time I’m on top of my shit and super-virtuous, I put on weight, only to finally lose the weight the one day a week I skip my workout and eat my own body weight in enchiladas. Boyf and I are going out for dinner tonight celebrating his new job. Bet you twenty bucks I’ll eat flan tonight and show up two pounds lighter tomorrow morning

I’m sure this is why you’re supposed to go for weekly weigh-ins, so your bad behavior isn’t apparently rewarded. But my great joy of the day is entering morning weigh-in/daily workout into my Excel spreadsheet o’ destiny (I’ve definitely been known to do a second workout just for another crack at ye olde spreadsheet), so bring your worst, Old Man Vortex. I’ll survive you.