Round

Well, I had a rough afternoon and was wanting to cry, scream, hit someone and bury myself in a tub of vanilla ice cream. And pasta, and butter, and well, everything bland and fatty and soothing.

Instead I walked around my neighborhood for 20 minutes when I got home to give myself a few minutes to calm down and then drank a glass of water. Then had a yogurt and when I realized I was both hungry and munchy I peeled & sliced a large English cucumber (one of those 2-feet suckers) and ate the whole thing.

I now feel much better. Better because I took some time to calm down, better because I didn’t sabatoge my efforts of the past few weeks, and better because turning towards healthy solutions was at least as stress-relieving as the ice cream would have been.

I didn’t do so great at dinner - at least not at first. We had a fresh baguette (French bread), my nemesis, plus our awesome butter from a small independent producer… I had a small piece, then a second was starting and a memory from Dr Hope came back and I realized I was okay diet-wise as long as this WAS dinner (not in addition to it). That realization relaxed me and slowed me down. I ate the rest of my bread and butter savoring every bite and knowing calorie wise I was fine. Added a small amount of Greek salad and a yogurt to round out the meal (well, sort of rounded out) and called it good. No guilt for eating “bad foods”, no over-eating from eating bread and butter and then a dinner too.

…but I’m still going to throw away the ice cream that’s deep in the freezer — knowing it is there is weighing on me.

Yesterday I sat in a meeting from 8:30am to 1:20pm. I had lunch after and breakfast was a smoothie in the car at 7:30. In the meeting room was a big basket of croissants, chocolate croissants, and raisin croissants. At 8:15 when I showed up I decided I would not eat any of them. By the time the second break rolled around at 11:00 I was faltering. By 12 I was really hungry. I clearly wasn’t the only one - I noticed a lot of people who hadn’t touched the croissants earlier were picking up a half of one (or ripping in half a whole one) and eating it. And maybe going back for the second half too.

As time went on I kept feeling hungry, and then was able to focus on THAT being an accomplishment too. I usually eat BEFORE I get too hungry, or at the very beginning of hunger. But I was able to just be hungry for a little more than an hour, NOT touch the croissants, and then head to lunch where I knew multiple menu temptations loomed.

Luckily I ate with a fit friend, who immediately chose the fish, and I did the same, even replacing the potatoes with green beans (which she didn’t do) and I was helped on not eating the bread basket by our spacey waitress who forgot to bring it (which NEVER happens in France!).

So what I’m proud of :

• Having a healthy, good breakfast to prepare for the day
• Not eating a single croissant despite temptation for hours!
• Letting myself feel hunger without stressing out
• Choosing a good, healthy meal after the hungry, temptation-ridden morning

Ok, I know that’s not the world’s biggest deal, but I didn’t go yesterday and the weather for the rest of the week is supposed to be crummy, and I have lots of work to do, and I didn’t feel like it. But I went anyway. And it was nice, I went over to the park and did a lap there, then came back - 40 min in total.

It just started raining now that I’m back, so clearly I made a good decision.

I started an exercise ticker in the “progress” page, and was happy to have something to put on it.

I also set a weight goal. 175 lbs in about 6 months, that’s around a pound a week. No stress, though - if it takes longer, it takes longer. I’m not ready to really diet yet, and while I’m quite proud of getting some exercise in, the walking I’m doing right now isn’t really enough to lose weight. But it’s another step in the right direction…