Round

I saw this ad a while back in an art magazine and ripped it out. I came across it today while cleaning some papers…

This is an ad from a campaign by the German Olympic Committee, and I had a hard time finding the image I wanted so there might be a problem with the copyright… So for the record, I think the campaign is fabulous and I’m not trying to steal anyone’s thunder, just get it out to more people…

Pretty striking, isn’t it?

We are going away for the weekend and while packing last night I tried on my 2 biggest pairs of jeans. Neither of them fit, nor did the black cords which were too baggy last winter. All were buttonable but skin-tight and uncomfortable.

It is so frustrating, I am so mad at myself for getting back here.

My husband was really nice, he walked in as I was wrangling with pair #2 and he told me that I shouldn’t do that to myself and that undoubtably it was the dryer’s fault. (Uh, he’s put on a few pounds too these past months!) I took the one pair of black casual pants that fit, and some yoga pants with me. Ugh.

And it’s true that I am still affected by the pregnancy/miscarriage (confirmed yesterday by the doctor that all is not back to normal yet), and still have the pregnancy hormones bloating my everythings (boobs, belly, waist, etc), and still wreaking havok on my digestive system. Apparently this could go on another 2 weeks or longer.

Funny how a few months ago I was super-upset with myself for weighing 185, and today I see that as a far-away target weight.

I don’t think I’ve ever been body confident. I could critique every part of my body to the moon and back without ever pausing for breath. I’d have a hard time identifying the second-most-critiqued body part, but number one would be my belly.

Among the maligned parts are my arms, which I have kept covered almost all my life.  No strapless dresses - not for me, tank tops - nope. But this year I’ve gotten bolder, even though my arms are still the same. I wore a strapless gown for the big bash before our wedding, and my wedding dress was strapless as well. And while my arms are not svelte and toned, they don’t look all that bad in photos, so I assume they don’t look all that bad in reality.

Today on my walk I was wearing a sweater over a tank top. This is a fairly common outfit for me, with the tank or camisole peeking out in front but the arms carefully covered. But it was warmer out than I realized, and after 5 minutes of sweating I decided to take off the sweater despite my arms. It was more practical, more comfortable, and no one arrested me.

And my arms are good actually. They are capable of so much, allowing me to carry, draw, type, cook, create, garden, touch and feel.