I’m sick of being fat but I can’t stop eating
Getting back on track April 21st, 2008I am horrified with my current weight and how I feel and look. And yet instead of taking action to correct it, I seem to be further sabotaging myself. I have eaten pastries, cakes, bread and butter and oh so many other fattening things these past weeks.
I have stocked up on healthy foods too - and I generally am eating those as well. I’m just plain old overeating in all senses.
I’m also feeling horribly out of shape. I mean, I am horribly out of shape and I’m really feeling it. I’m starting to dread when I have to go up 2 flights of stairs in my house. I stopped going to the gym a year ago when my sciatica came on, and I haven’t been back, but I’m starting to think I’m going to re-join. Clearly not working out is not helping me. But that’s a goal for the future - I can’t even imagine where I can find the time or the energy to get to the gym. But I think I remember feeling more energetic not more tired after working out, and especially when I worked out regularly.
For today I am going to try to be in control of my eating, and eat with the intention to lose weight. I hope to post with good news tomorrow.
April 21st, 2008 at 2:30 pm
The title for this entry is currently my daily mantra, so if it’s any comfort at all, you’re not alone. Overeating and being out of shape does not make you a failure, it does not make you any less worthy or beautiful or strong, it just ensures that several (if not all) of the people who read your blog will and do empathize with you, because it’s exactly what most of us are going through.
Good luck with improving your eating habits. Even though you probably can’t tell, I’m sending you “thin vibes” and e-hugs right now =)
April 21st, 2008 at 3:06 pm
I got on the scale today, my first time in 2 months. You actually gave me the courage to do it. It said 195.5. I feel heavier but I will just assume it is correct and get on with the program.
I promised myself by this time next week I will have visited the gym at least once.
April 21st, 2008 at 7:02 pm
Sometimes when I’m feeling this way I pick 1 thing that I know I can control so that I will feel some success. When you master that you can add a 2nd, and a 3rd, etc. Eventually you WILL get your mojo back but I know it feels helpless sometimes. Even if you feel like you’re failing (but of course you’re not) keep writing on here because it will help to keep you from spinning too far out of control. I’ll check back tomorrow to see how today went.
Brandie
April 21st, 2008 at 7:11 pm
Great blog! Isn’t it amazing how hard this can be? I mean, you are the very definition of success having lost so much weight previously and maintained it — yet you are not immune to the struggle. The good thing is, you KNOW you can do this and you KNOW how. You WILL meet your goals. I hope you have a great day today and feel better about the process tomorrow!
April 21st, 2008 at 9:00 pm
It’s so true what martinique said, and flOwer and brseay - I’m sending you thin vibes too, and e-hugs. I’m looking forward to your next post! Ruby
April 22nd, 2008 at 3:12 am
We all have these moments (weeks, months, years?). Can you try one small step at a time? Maybe go on nice walks, if you don’t feel quite up to working out? Perhaps journaling your meals/emotions together could help identify why you’re overeating? Just some thoughts… I ditto RubyJean and am sending you happy, healthy vibes from over my way.