The last TEN pounds (was 20)!

This morning I was 144.4 lbs - which is less by 0.2 than my lowest weight before I got pregnant last year. I had just made it to 144.6 when I found out. So this is uncharted territory!!

I got some clothes off Freecycle yesterday. They were advertised as a bag full of sizes 10-12! Well, at least half of them were sizes 14 and 16 and one top was even a size 20-22!! What is the point of that? Some stuff went straight in the bin - there was a pair of pajama bottoms with a massive rip in the crotch - and not even a matching top.

But there were some things I kept which were not too bad overall. There were some white jeans which are a bit too short, but I thought I could funk them up by putting a strip of material round the hem to make them a bit longer, and also sewing some patches on in the same material. I probably never will but it’s a nice idea. Also a white velour tracksuit which is the kind of thing I NEVER wear in public, but it is extremely comfy so I could keep it for slobbing around the house.

I also went through my wardrobe and took out some stuff that’s too big so with that and the reject pile from the freecycle bag - I have a nice big bag of stuff for the charity shop. I have a beautiful lilac long silk dress but there is a nasty grease stain on the front and it’s dry-clean only. I would sell it on ebay but it would cost £15 to get it drycleaned!! It is gorgeous though. But I expect the charity shop can get it cleaned for less than that so they can have it.

Ruby has a new trick - if I hold her hands and stand her on my knee she can sit down and stand up on command!! She is so clever.

She is 8.5 months old BTW, if anyone is wondering why that is special!!

I went shopping this afternoon as my friend took my kids off me for the afternoon. So for once I was able to have a good old mooch around the shops all by myself - bliss!

But it was so weird - taking things off the rails in a size 10 or 12 I felt like the sales assistants were going to come up to me and say “Oh dear dear dear - you think you’re a size 10 - I don’t think so - you should be next door in Evans dearie - that’s where the fat people shop!”

Does anyone else feel like a total fraud?

It’s a bit like when I first qualified to teach and I got up in front of the class and felt like I should be sat down on the chairs with the other kids, and when was the real teacher coming?

I still feel a sense of total unease when I try something on in a size 10 and it fits - like it’s all a big con or something.

Anyway, the good news is, I have come down a cup size in bras - I’m now a 34E not a 34F - the problem there being that bras are damned expensive and I can’t afford to buy a load of new ones every few weeks. So I’ll just have to stick with the ones I’ve got till such time as they’re unwearable. And once I’ve stopped feeding Ruby they will shrink again.

I actually went into Monsoon today - I have never dared try anything on in Monsoon. But I am a size 12 bust there but a size 10 waist and hips. I tried on the most gorgeous dress in a 10 - fitted like a dream over the waist and hips but just couldn’t fasten over the girls!!

In the end I never actually bought anything for me - although I got some bargains in the sale for Beth and Ruby for next summer. I did find some things I liked but when I’m 10 lb lighter they won’t fit any more so what’s the point in wasting money? I tried on a lovely pair of white jeans in a 10 in Peacocks - but they were actually a bit loose. Dare I think that in 10 lb time I might even get in a size 8????!!

Yikes!

Just to say - I fially bit the bullet and texted Ian today. I said “Hey - what gives? I thought we were getting on OK. Any particular reason for the silent treatment?”

And, guess, what - he ignored me.

So that’s it. No more whining about Ian - it’s over.

I hit 145 this morning so I have only ten pounds to go - OMG!!

So now I officially change the name of my blog to “The last 10 pounds”.

Went to Matalan on Saturday and grabbed some size 10 (US size 6) SKINNY jeans off the shelf to see if they fitted - they didn’t! But all my size 10 jeans and trousers I got down from the loft fit nicely so we’re getting there. And the size 10 top I grabbed to try on with it fitted nicely, which surprised me - I seem to be staying a size bigger in tops. Maybe if I had got normal jeans they would have fitted better.

It’s ridiculous though - I am still a pound away from being in my healthy range, which means technically I am still overweight. No one should be able to get in a size 10 and still be classed as overweight, and I have been in my 10s for a good half stone.

OK - so I went back to my dating sites and I just found out something really interesting. I met Ian on http://www.plentyoffish.com when I got fed up with http://www.freedating.co.uk.

BUT - I just logged back in to the freedating one and guess who I found on there? Yup - Ian!! And he joined on 20th July - the day after we went away. It says he was last active 5 days ago.

I wouldn’t even have known but he is in my “who’s looking at you” list.

So I guess that’s that. I keep looking.

It’s a really crap pic of him though.

Weight is good - down to 145.9 this morning! I should hit my pre-pg weight of 144 by the end of August easily at this rate. Definitely 9 months on and 9 months off for me!

Oh God - I want to text him and ask what’s wrong - why isn’t he contacting me. But obviously that’s not good, so I want to casually text him and ask how his trip to Scotland was to take his daughter home.

But I should do neither of those things - I should wait for him to make contact, right?

I didn’t think I was in so deep, I was being really careful to stay casual in my head - but I guess I felt more for him than I thought. Why is it that men, when they don’t want to see you any more, instead of actually telling you, they just break off contact - it is so cowardly. I could handle it - if he told me - it’s just the not knowing.

On the good side, I was 146.1 this morning - way below pre-holiday weight. SO close to pre-pregnancy weight - only 1.5 to go!!! In fact, as my boobs are still breastfeeding huge, the rest of my body is actually smaller than it was before as more weight is carried in the boobs - if that makes any sense. Although I managed to fasten some really tight fitted shirts that fitted easily before I got pregnant. I couldn’t fasten them over my boobs last time I tried a few weeks ago. However I look like Jordan in them!! It’s lucky I’m not going back to work - all my tops look WAY too sexy for teachig primary school. Not the tops themselves, they are just normal - just that my boobs make them look sexy.

Stupid Ian - he could have Jordan-esque boobs - all natural at that. I don’t mean HE could have them on HIM - which would be weird - I mean he could have mine!!

I was on msn last night and Ian signed in. I waited a while - doing the whole ‘playing it cool’ thing and he didn’t initiate anything. So I gave in and started a conversation. He totally ignored me, stayed online for about 45 minutes then signed out again!

Bethany brought him up this morning, about him not texting me back about going out yesterday with his daughter, and so I told her about last night. She said “I don’t think he likes you any more.” Out of the mouths of babes.

Men are bastards.

Anyway, so I think I am single again, unless he’s got a bloody good excuse.

I bought this the other day and took a few piccies!

Looks OK.

I’m 147 here.

Men are stupid!!

Ian and I had discussed a while ago that when his daughter came down we would all do something together one day. We had said the park or the beach for a picnic but as the forecast is atrocious, a change of plan was in order. The other night we were discussing it on msn, or at least I was trying to - whenver I suggested something he just didn’t reply and eventually he disappeared altogether without a word.

However he texted me next day saying his computer had been on go slow and eventually died altogether -fair enough.

We didn’t get to chat last night but this morning he texted me saying they had had a nice time at the funfair yesterday and they were going swimming today and what were my plans. I thought - ooh, he’s going to invite us to go with him - so I texted him back saying we had no plans, and waited for the text.

Nothing was forthcoming so I thought - hmm!

After a while I thought - oh, he wasn’t going to invite us after all - he was just making conversation. I was a bit miffed, but I texted him suggesting what I was going to suggest anyway - that on Wednesday if he hadn’t got plans, we could go to a kids play place in the afternoon and maybe he would like to come round for eat afterwards. he texted me asking what kind of place was - I told him - and then nothing!!

I was getting a bit annoyed at this point - I wondered what the heck was going on. I thought perhaps his daughter didn’t want to meet us, that she wanted him to herself, which was OK - but I just needed to know.

So, I texted him again saying “Look, I don’t want to muscle in on your time together. if you don’t want to do something together that’s ok - just let me know.”

In the past I have had clinginess issues and I tend to be paranoid about men - so with this one I have really trried to play it cool and just go with the flow and let him take the lead, but I was beginning to get pissed off.

Anyway, he texted me back saying he had to check with her mum - apparently she was funny about her meeting new people and he would let me know shortly.

Which is fine! All he had to do was say.

But - knowing in advance that she felt this way, and knowing that we had discussed doing something together, why on earth didn’t he run it past her before.

AND - he never texted me back all yesterday OR today.

Conclusion: men are stupid.

(I hope he isn’t reading this!)

I have been looking for ways of reducing my calories recently. I am a big coffee drinker and I recently cut dwn from 6 medium sized mugs a day (350 cals) to 6 small mugs (250 cals) a day, meaning 100 cals fewer of milk.

But I thought I’d try black coffee and see what it was like - I have never had it before. But I was actually quite surprised - it’s not bad. I could have one big mug of white coffee in the morning and just have black coffee the rest of the day. I therefore instantly cut 170 cals out of my day. Now I wouldn’t cut out that many as it would take my cals down too far, but it would mean I get more for food!

So we’ll try it and see if I can stand it.