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Feeling better today

Posted ravengirl on October 5th, 2008 | Filed under Somewhere in between... | 1 Comment »

Yeah, not quite so negative this morning…I have had at least one really solid on program day under my belt and it feels like I have my balance once again.  I have noticed that I catch myself quite a lot easier these days when I fall off the path.  I credit the PNP program for that and myself as well because I am finally learning to listen to my body and give it the things that it needs.  I am fighting with a dragging cold…nose is running, sneezing, and then all of a sudden…bam!  Stuffed up!!  Driving me crazy!  Other than that, and a dead battery on our vehicle things seem to be going pretty well.  I am exercising regularly again, and by that I mean cardio, because as wonderful as Yoga, Pilates, and Tai Chi is, it is not enough to get the scale moving correctly.  I know that now and I am just going to do what it takes instead of whining about it.  Also, I have been taking a hard look at my calorie count and it just may have been sneaking too high.  Damn!  I hate it when I throw a really satisfying hissy fit and then find out it was all my fault in the first place!!!  Just sux!!!

So anyway, I am still around…working it…and hanging in there…keeping on keeping on…etc etc…  :)


Don’t Ask!!!

Posted ravengirl on October 2nd, 2008 | Filed under Somewhere in between... | Comment now »

Okay, nobody do it!!!  I swear, I will throw something at ya!!  :)  Nobody ask how the weightloss is going…it’s not!!!  And so…I have decided to take a hiatus from the scale…but not in that bad “I don’t want to face the horror” denial kind of way…  It is more like the “Protecting my sanity and the health of those around me because I am busting my butt and the scale is still moving in the other direction!!!!”  I have had several meltdowns in the past few days…mostly do to pulling my hair out over the puzzle that is my body.  I am doing the very best that I can…still working the PNP program…still exercising with Pilates, Yoga, and Crossramp and Treadmill work as well.  The above mentioned scale problem has led to some nasty emotional eating episodes so I am taking a new tactic.  I am freeing myself from the weigh ins.  (Actually, it will be quite difficult since I am pretty hooked on checking my weight)  It is seriously not helping right now and I need to keep myself as positive as possible.  I am only three weeks out from stopping some meds so that could still be a factor…  I have examined the possibility of too high a fat content in my diet so I have switched to olive oil, and started eating more salmon.  I am doing everything that I can possibly think of to do and I have to just free myself from the stress of the scale telling me it isn’t good enough or worse, that it is sending me in the other direction from where I want to go.  So!  How has everybody been???  :)


Coming out of my funk…

Posted ravengirl on September 25th, 2008 | Filed under Tales of Victory! | Comment now »

Coming into the light after a couple of days of feeling like locking myself in my room venting in my journal and listening to Seether…growl and sing through gritted teeth it suited my mood perfectly!  I think that my food timing was off one too many times, I wasn’t getting enough cardio even with my other workouts, and my diet needed to be tweaked a bit.  I am getting used to the salmon…not loving it but not hating as much. I have dropped the level of fats in my diet and being more careful about the kinds of fat I am eating…  I am adding a small snack of Cocoa Roast almonds in the afternoon.  I think that the Naproxen that I took for my heel pain made me retain some water, which resulted in a weight jump, which resulted in a freak out!  Anyway, I am feeling good again…  I am feeling positive and happy, I received a response from my application for a dog walking position and she wants to set up an interview after she completes her move.  Yay!  So hopefully that will be good soon…  Well, I am off to go to Pilates and my cardio workout!  :)


Hung over…

Posted ravengirl on September 18th, 2008 | Filed under Whining | 1 Comment »

From food of all things…  I have learned through doing the Radiant Recovery program several things about myself…apparently that isn’t enough to stop me from doing it though.  So, I quit my job as a dog bather on Monday after a truly wretched day…that day was kind of a blur…and I felt miserable and self medicated…Wednesday started out well…I still don’t know how it went wrong…  I had a great meditation session, I went to yoga class (granted my regular teacher has left for India but the class was still good)  I was late getting my lunch because of traffic and stupid road construction.  I think that that is where things got screwy… when I got home I ate to compensate…and I guess I just didn’t quit…all day…now there isn’t nearly the amount of junk in the house that I used to eat…well…that doesn’t really help me any more because it takes a lot less crap to make me feel horrible these days.  And so I have…  I woke up feeling just like I used to before I started recovery…foggy…nauseous…exhausted…bitchy… It was horrible, I have really gotten used to the ease of my mornings…feeling bright and clear and happy, I had forgotten how bad it used to be.  I did manage to get myself back on the path today…it wasn’t ideal as I didn’t get to work out or anything but at least my food was stable and on time and nothing in between.  I also managed to grab a quick nap on the couch before I had to make dinner which made me feel better for awhile.  I am still fighting with a headache that may or may not turn into a migraine…dang I hope it doesn’t…  I have completed my application for a dogwalking position and have to run out tomorrow for a legal size envelope…wish me luck!!   I am scared of demoralizing myself by getting on the scale so I don’t think that I will right now…we’ll see…


Sweaty bliss…

Posted ravengirl on September 14th, 2008 | Filed under Tales of Victory! | 1 Comment »

Yeah, that is me about now… You see, I haven’t had some quality time with my elliptical in a few weeks due to the new job being such an energy zapper!  This morning I got up at my usual time a little after five, had my breakfast…with protein and carb…oh yeah…and to Shallweshrink!  Try making your pumpkin muffins with oatmeal, wheat flour, and no sugar…they’ll probably leave them alone if they are like my family… ;) I watched Mr. Brooks in the dimness of the early morning…(I highly recommend it if you want to see Kevin Costner as you have never seen him before…)  DH has a sore throat and was sleeping and DD was doing her usual 8 am sleep in…  I planned it that way…at least for DD…I had checked the rating and it was not something that I wanted to sit and watch with her…  You see, I go to bed early…around 9 is when I start getting ready for bed…it is necessary for me to get the required amount of sleep when I have to get up at 5.  So that puts a little crimp in my movie watching if I want to watch something that I can’t with her running around.  Usually she is my movie buddy anyway…we love most of the same things…  And late nights mess me up…I either a) fall asleep during the movie anyway or b) feel totally miserable the next day…I like how I am feeling these days and I am doing what it takes to keep it that way.  Anyway, I watched my movie and the house started to come alive slowly afterward…the dimness gave way to sunshine and it was time to get my sweat on!  So I took my workout playlist out to the garage and went to it.  I feel fabulous even though TOM is on my shoulder and it just couldn’t feel more fantastic…  I think I will go and do a few yoga stretches to cool off before my shower…  I haven’t decided what to do with the rest of my day yet…I have to change the sheets on the bed…I may get to finish reading The Host by Stephenie Meyer or take DD to see Babylon A.D. sigh…the choices…. 

luv luv Everybody!


Iiiiitttt’s Saturday!

Posted ravengirl on September 13th, 2008 | Filed under Tales of Victory! | 2 Comments »

And I am not at work!!!  :)  Yay!!!  Actually I am doubly glad that I am not at work today…. One…work is insane on Sat!!!  Seriously…very bad…and two…TOM has arrived on my door step and even though Naproxen sets him up on the couch with a nice movie…I still don’t feel like wrestling with the puppies in this condition.  I don’t think my other boss is all that thrilled about me not working Sat…  I don’t think the rest of the employees are either but as long as I get to do my work…  I just don’t care!  I know that sounds horrible!  The 4 hour days are really suiting me…  I get my doggie fix and it isn’t enough to slam me to the ground.  And I am able to get my workouts in again and I am finally off meds…  Woo hoo!  I am down to 163, I will do an official weigh in next week to document but I feel good about the loss…it seems like things are coming back in line.  I spent this morning watching a movie…walked over to the store and picked up ingredients to try a new recipe…Sugar Free brownies…ummm yeah…no one liked them but me…I should have anticipated that though…  I also am out of my protein oatmeal muffins so I have to make more for the upcoming week as well…I am thinking of putting pumpkin in this batch.  Sounds good right?  Not to the rest of my household but oh well…  lol  Oh!  Thanks guys for commenting!  I love shrimp and I do try to eat them often…they don’t have quite the protein punch that I like though…  I am actually getting to the point where I don’t mind the foil pack salmon…I almost like *gasp* the teriyaki flavor!  I put in over some whole wheat pasta tossed with basil olive oil and peas last night and actually thought it was pretty good.  And I am sorry, I absolutely love how it makes me feel.  I have also started taking flax oil capsules as well.  So, things are going pretty good.  I bought a new totem necklace from www.quicksilvermint.com when I got my first check and it arrived a couple of days ago…  I really love it…it has a raven (of course!) on one side and a wolf on the other (my totem from childhood)  It was even more beautiful in person and I am thrilled…if you like silver and want your own design I highly recommend checking their site out…their customer service is flawless!  So, Peeps!  Off I go to bake my muffins!!!  Yum!


OMG!!!

Posted ravengirl on September 9th, 2008 | Filed under Somewhere in between... | 2 Comments »

Okay! So my life is totally crazy right now!  That is why I haven’t been on here for awhile…  I started the new job at the dog grooming place and while it is wonderful and I love it…  It has been very taxing physically and mentally…  I was working 7 hours on my feet (30 mins for lunch) on hard concrete and lifting and wrestling with 140 pd mastiffs…  And I was totally loving it but as much as I didn’t want to admit it I couldn’t handle it…  Yesterday I ended up in the ER with shooting pains down my neck and arm…lovely day off let me tell you… It has just brought it into clear relief that I can’t handle that many hours…maybe after I work up to it and get more used to everything but right now…can’t do it…  And I was caught feeling like I had failed…but I think that had more to do with my chemicals being out of balance from not eating (while in the ER)  My DH has been nothing but supportive…he has observed and advised and been my rock…  I went in to work this morning and talked to my boss.  I was so nervous, I thought for sure that she would tell me to take a hike…she didn’t…and not only that…she was so concerned that she just wanted me to do what was best for me.  You just can’t beat that in a boss.  So I am reducing my hours to 4 hrs/day, 3 days a week.  I will have time to go to the gym 3 days a week and work out at home on the other days.  I will also have the time that I need to get stuff that I need done around here and run errands…  Since I have the luxury to not be truly desperate for the income it will be the best of all worlds…  I can’t believe how dark everything looked just yesterday…  And I know that has so much to do with when my food gets off…  I have also had the bloodwork done to see if my thyroid has been affected by my meds…  My weight has been frustratingly stubborn…nothing new to report even with the extra activity and better eating than I have ever done in my life.  But I have hope that the tide is turning and that I will have better news to report next week.  I have discovered more words of wisdom in Kathleen’s writings for sugar sensitive people…  I was using peanut butter as my protein way too much…  I need to reduce the bad fats, increase the good, and get more of my standard workouts in not just my work at work!  I think if I can get a handle on all of that then I will be on my way.  I have also found a way to get more salmon that doesn’t make me gag… (I am not fond of salmon or tuna)  Those foil packs of salmon pack quite a protein punch…and I have found that if I heat it in a frying pan with a tiny bit of olive oil and dry it out some I can handle it in a wrap with some mustard…  Still not my favorite thing but I can definitely get my 3 days a week that way…I am going to try that with the tuna as well. Wish me luck!  I am also taking flax tablets as well…  So, I think things are finally going to smooth out and I can get back on track…  I just need to ease back on the throttle a little and conserve a little energy to keep me going…


Just breathe…

Posted ravengirl on August 24th, 2008 | Filed under Tales of Victory! | 2 Comments »

Gotta remember that!  I am so excited!  I have a working interview at a doggie day spa on Tuesday!  I get to play with the puppies!!! Oh man…I just can’t believe it still…I just walked myself into the place and talked them into giving me a chance.  My RR is giving me a new life…I am changing…and I have to say…damn I love this new girl!!!  She rocks! :)  The books all said that when you start moving on your recovery you will determine what is missing in your life and instead of just bitching and moaning about it you will find a way to fix it!!!  That is what I am doing, I have a deep love of dogs…I always have…when I was a child I knew every dog in the neighborhood…mean or otherwise…and I loved them all…  My DH and DD are both allergic and our lifestyle hasn’t been such that it could support my love of big dogs in particular…  It is time to soothe that need…and I am finding a way!  I am also hoping that the work (since it is so active) will help the weight move a little quicker and that can only make me happier as well.  I am starting my taper off medication…I am exercising…and I now have the opportunity to have a job!!!  I can’t believe the changes in my life!!  I love them…

Weigh in was 164…again…and I just finished 30 mins on the elliptical…  At least I haven’t gained… :)


Ewwww!

Posted ravengirl on August 21st, 2008 | Filed under Whining | 1 Comment »

Man, yesterday was very “interesting” I got up feeling fine..dropped DH off…he was feeling slightly peaked… Had full plans to go to yoga and everything when the cramps hit…I thought…okay..just pop a Naproxen and I should be fine…nope…not only did my stomach feel worse…I got hit with bad nausea! Now, a little back story on myself…I hate to throw up! I mean I will do *anything* to avoid it! It has been years since I actually even came close…(think that episode of Seinfeld where Jerry was talking about his no vomit streak…)yeah…that was me…until yesterday! Anyway, it is so horrible, and yet the Seinfeld episode is playing in my head…and I am calling DH to act pitiful..:)  Turns out he was dealing with the same thing!!! We were both hit…at the same time…after not having anything like that in years!!! Now tell me how connected we are!!! Dang…kinda sux when we both get sick like that… We spent the day slamming saltines and peppermint water… Yeah…my foodplan was definitely off yesterday…I had to go with what I could stomach but it is business as usual today and I am feeling about a billion times better!!! I caught up with my journal…I have eaten on plan…all is well! :)  I haven’t gotten a whole lot accomplished today and my stomach still feels slightly under the weather but other than that things are pretty good…  I still am not sure if it was something we ate or a random buggy that nuked us but I guess it doesn’t matter too much does it?  Still gross…blech!


It is Monday…

Posted ravengirl on August 18th, 2008 | Filed under Whining | Comment now »

And I am feeling a little tired…I think it is because of TOM… I had bigger plans for things to get done around the house but I only managed a few…  I did some laundry…did some emails that needed to be done. Did a little picking up around here so I guess I should look at the bright side, right?  I also went to the store and planned dinner…  I am trying a new recipe…again… :)  I am making Chicken Cordon Bleu in the crockpot!  I hope it turns out good…  I think I will make some brown rice to go with it…  DH is late so I hope it can handle a little wait in the pot!