Well, I am not following G.M.’s plan faithfully, but I’d say I’m 85% on. Here’s what I had yesterday:

 Day One:

Breakfast: 3 egg whites 1 yolk scrambled eggs

Lunch: Cod fish, Spinach, Grapefruit

Dinner: Roast Beef (lean) a dab of potatoes and gravy, cooked carrots, salad, strawberries

Day Two:

Breakfast: Oatmeal with flax seeds and honey

Lunch: Turkey/Mesclun/cucumber/tomato/ salad - olive oil, balsamic, honey, salt/pepper,  pineapple, apple

Clove Tea

  What I’ve had so far today:

Breakfast: Carrot/Orange Juice

Lunch: Healthy Choice chicken and rice soup, added cooked navy beans

Snacks: turkey, more juice (I have a cold)

drinks today: 1/2 cup coffee (not very good when I’ve got a cold) tea with a little sugar, lots of carrot juice/orange juice, lots of water with lemon and Stevia.

Dad came over the other day and put up my new mirror. It’s an eye-opener. While sitting there on the bed today, talking on the phone, I could look over and count the rolls of fat…no, I wasn’t naked, my T-shirt was snug though. ugh. I realized that I’m not as slim as I feel, it’s just that my boobs usually block the view from above. Well, I’ve got to look on the bright side, at least the boobs still stick out further than the tummy.

I am so hooked on this song I heard recently! It’s “What I Really Meant to Say” by Cindy Thompson (I don’t know if I spelled her name right) but I was looking for “romantic” videos on youtube - and I’d searched under “First Knight”, one of my favorite romantic movies, and someone had made a music vid using her song - it’s awesome! And I’ve listened to that song like a hundred times since. I’m currently writing “About James” and this song is James and Jillian’s theme song….

 I finally got an email off to Tom. I started it around 1 here so it would have been around 7 there, but with all my interruptions, I didn’t get it sent until 4 here. I just checked and there’s no reply…I’m sure he’s sleeping by now. He said he thought of me yesterday because of a certain hymn they sang… I thought that was sweet.

I feel really sh***y…..I totally hate having a cold!!! Last night I gave in to stupid cravings - I had a drink, with the idea that the alcohol would help me sleep and I think it would’ve except I was just so restless…couldn’t turn my mind off again. So then I got up and totally noshed out on salty snacks! Grrrr…..

  Ok, I’ve been trying to work out a plan I can really (hopefully) stick to. I’m usually an “all or nothing” sorta girl, so instead of saying “I’ll never touch that again!” I’m going to work in some “breaks” from the diet and hopefully have greater success in the long run. (I don’t know where I’m at on the scales - I was actually too scared to weigh last week) I will weigh tomorrow, but then comes Easter on Sunday! Yikes!!!

 The Plan:

Breakfast: Gillian McKeith’s Plan

Snack: GM

Lunch: GM

Supper: try to eat as healthy as possible, counting the calories, but not too far off from what the family is having.

Scheduled Breaks: Easter Sunday, Joyce’s Birthday

  Must Eat Breakfast!!!

Here I felt so righteous, “forgetting” to eat breakfast and lunch yesterday. (I was honestly running from the minute my feet hit the floor, never mind that they hit the floor around 10:30 a.m.!) I finally ate just a bit of the kid’s popcorn at the movie in the afternoon and then figured I could have whatever I wanted at my favorite Mexican restaurant later. Calorie-wise it worked out ok for the day, but then on “You Are What You Eat” today, Gillian was reading her client the riot act for not eating until in the evening. “OOPS!”

So, I’ve got to figure out some quick, easy, healthy, tasty, breakfast ideas so I’ll always get off on the right foot….  hmmmm…..

 Well, I feel like I’m going crazy….and it’s only the Sunday before Spring Break week. J has been bored this afternoon - her friends were not available to come play today so she has been whiny. We played “kickball in the hall” which was fun but got on R’s nerves, which I rather enjoyed because he was getting on my nerves sitting on his fat rumpus watching t.v. all afternoon. And now he’s gone on “a little drive” - the f***er! He’s been gone almost an hour!

…well, I’ve gotta go before the kids kill each other.

Well, here I am, once again… I knew I’d be back….eventually.

Ok, so here’s the deal now… I’ve been watching Gillian McKeith on BBC (I may have mentioned her before) but I think I’m going to try her program. I may even join on her site - it looks pretty cool and I could chat with other people doing her program. So, right now, I’m in the process of going through her meal plans, recipes, etc. and figuring out what I can live with, making menus and grocery lists. I’ve been “sorta” eating according to her plan for the last couple of days, and I feel sooooo much better when I eat the good stuff…I don’t know why I let myself eat crap, because I always feel like crap when I do! It’s just crazy!!! I have trouble with my hormones for about two weeks out of the month - but if I can just remember how bad I’ll feel if I give in to the cravings, and how good I’ll feel if I can make it through the rough time without giving in….. well, here’s hoping it goes good for me this month. Right now Tom’s been here for about four days and I’ve got willpower out the wazoo. I’ve been through it enough to know it won’t last…I’ve got to come up with a plan for getting through. I’ve been charting my cycle (for two years, dammit, for all the good it’s done…sob!) Oh well, gotta keep trying!

I’m just checking in to say I’m still here…. the last few days have been such crap there was really no point in writing….I’ve felt flu-ish, been eating crap, blah…blah…blah.

~dreaming of better days and hoping to feel like getting back on the wagon soon…..