I feel so “blah” that it’s scary……

Food for today, so far:

Breakfast: Odwalla Smoothie/part - 150

Lunch: Homemade Smoothie - 150

Afternoon snack: Can of Beef Vegetable Soup with added veggies 1/2 - 140

  God bless the Starbuck’s guy….he was so sweet yesterday - gave me a free coffee because I had to wait a couple of minutes! I love people like that!!!

Well, it’s currently 8:45 a.m. - I haven’t had anything to eat yet, just got back from dropping DD off at school. Wow! I feel so light this morning - I guess that’s what not being able to eat all day yesterday does for me!

1:20 p.m. - So far, I’ve had:

part of my Odwalla smoothie from yesterday, a homemade smoothie (grapefruit juice, Stevia, cucumber, spinach) and about 1 cup cooked red and black beans.

Got my wisdom tooth out today. Opted to not use the I.V. sedation and it was really no big deal, but after all  the hoopla and indecision I was so nervous I just sat there stiff as a board through the whole thing, expecting it to get worse than it was. I couldn’t believe it was over so fast - probably didn’t take more than 15 minutes once he got started! However, I didn’t realize the real pain was yet to come (no, not the bill - ha!) It was when the anesthesia wore off…. whew! I took one of my pain pills then another about two hours later - ended up getting sick. I decided to just take one of my old stand-by Ibuprofen an hour ago and am feeling quite good now….. gotta go.

  Ok, well…I can’t go back so the only way to go is forward. First, I’ll go ahead and post what I ate yesterday.

Breakfast: Cherry Bars and a couple bites of coffee cake; black coffee.

Lunch: Fried Chicken, Mashed Potatoes and Gravy, Corn, a few Green Beans.

Dinner: Leftover Fried Chicken, Bread and Gravy, Corn, Bread with Butter and Jelly.

Evening: Grapefruit Smoothie.

Now for Today so far…..

Breakfast: Smoothie (grapefruit juice, stevia, lemon juice, water, spinach, blueberries, ice) a one-yolk, two white omelette with red onion and Italian seasoning, topped with salsa.

Lunch: 1/2 cup red and black beans, 1/2 cup cous cous, salad of: red leaf lettuce, spinach, radish, tomato, with Olive Oil/Lemon Juice/Balsamic Vinegar dressing.

Went for a 20 minute walk.

Plan for supper: hmmmm….not sure yet. Maybe tacos made with ground turkey. I forgot to buy ground beef - I’m so used to having it in the freezer. Wish my family wasn’t so hard to please…. sigh.

2 p.m. snack: 1 slice whole grain white bread; 1 T. natural peanut butter, 1 orange, 1 cup Starbuck’s French Roast coffee

After School Snack: Joyce’s leftover mac and cheese, approx. 3 T. Parmesan

Dinner: Brown Rice Pasta Shells - Spaghetti Sauce with Ground Turkey, Sauteed Zucchini, 1/2 orange, 1/2 apple.

Evening: We went to the community center…..I think I had something to eat when we came home but I can’t remember now….I need to get better at jotting stuff down if I don’t have time to blog.

  “It’s ok Stephanie….I believe in you! I know you can do it!!”

*Deep sigh* Well, here I am again….re-starting once again. I’ve begun to realize this thing with FOOD is bigger than I ever imagined…. kind of scary, really. Sometimes I don’t even know why I’m eating! It seems like, if I’ve done really good for a certain amount of time, something inside me clicks and I just start shoveling it in….it’s like I’ve gone without (which really isn’t true, except for the junk that I would’ve normally eaten) and I’ve got to make up for lost time - I just shovel in junk until I’m stuffed. I guess maybe it’s a food addiction. Well, the only thing I know to do is to keep fighting the monster. I was going to line out my plan of action for the coming week, but the kids are at it in the other room and I really need to get them headed to bed……so, bye for now.

 ”One more f____-up like that and I’m gonna cut yer f_____ing ballers off!”

“Ohhhhhhhh….sh**!” I so messed up tonight! I did so good all day - sweetly turning down fresh-baked brownies and birthday cake and ice cream….it was a hell of a day for dieting! And then tonight, after our trip to the community center, we come home and I went crazy!!! Such a sh**load of buttered popcorn with a few salty pretzels thrown in for good measure, a nasty hot dog that I never would have dreamed would tempt me (it was a lurking leftover of the kids’ dinner….sigh. It wasn’t even a “good” hot dog - one of those nasty things I call a styro-weeny - made from chicken and pork and sh** like that (Robert bought them the other day, he doesn’t know any better). But, here’s the sad honest truth - it seems like I was craving the “texture” I won’t go into detail because the descriptive thoughts running through my brain would sound like I was some kind of phone sex operator…… - I don’t know, maybe I didn’t eat enough protein today….Ugh. Well, here is the whole sordid story:

Breakfast: None.

Lunch: Sandwich at a friend’s house - bakery roll of dubious nutritive value but very tasty, deli turkey meat, tomatoes, lettuce. a Few red grapes, 2 glasses water.

Snack: around 2 p.m. after grocery shopping - famished! Another turkey sandwich on whole wheat bread, 1/2 box grape tomatoes.

Dinner: 1 green bell pepper stuffed with 1 cup bulghar wheat/brown rice mixture. Large green salad/ spinach/ red onion/ red leaf lettuce/ tomatoes/ olive oil/ balsamic vinegar.

Buncha sh**! - popcorn with butter, pretzels, parmesan cheese, that hot dog, a couple of Kashi sesame crackers, a drink of DH’s RC, a drink of DS’s apple cider, 2 glasses of sweet tea……waaaaaaaaa! Where did I go wrong????  

   Well, it’s 7:22 p.m., we just finished dinner, and I feel stuffed. I feel like I ate too much again… the kids are soooooo picky! I made salmon patties (salmon, green onions, egg whites, fire roasted veg Kashi cracker crumbs, dredged in Kashi sesame cracker crumbs and fried in olive oil), corn, and green beans and the kids would only eat the corn. So…..I had some chicken tenders left over that I really needed to use up - I used some of the sesame cracker crumbs for coating and fried them in a bit of olive oil. Nope. They didn’t want them. But they looked so tasty that I ate one and part of another!! (Not to mention I’d already had 3 salmon patties!!!

Well anyway…..here’s what I’ve had so far today:

Breakfast: Kashi Cereal (dry)

Lunch: Tilapia fish, with green onions, cooked in olive oil; 1/2 cup brown and wild rice, 1 orange.

Dinner: 3 or 4 salmon patties; green beans, maybe 2 T. corn, 2 chicken strips, 1 Kashi sesame cracker; a few carrots.

  First of all, I want to say sorry to all those who have commented - I was too dumb to realize that I have to click on “comments” every once in awhile to see them! So thanks to all who have commented!!! ….And Suzyqall, it’s great to hear from someone else who loves Gordon!!!

Ok, I need to write down what I’ve had today…. it was a little bit tough today, we’ve got about an inch of ice covering everything and the kids didn’t have school. But, all in all, I don’t think I did too badly, considering. ……however, it was certainly lucky that I didn’t have any brownie mix in the house!

Breakfast: …..hmmm, I can’t remember - I don’t think I actually ate breakfast

Lunch: Leftover brown and wild rice, leftover chicken breast, salad w/homemade dressing

* I made homemade pizza for kids for lunch, over the course of the afternoon, I ate maybe two (or three??) pieces. Well, I kinda tore them apart - the crust was too thick for my liking….so some of it was just topping (anchovy and cheese)

Dinner: 1 cup spaghetti, sauce, a “sprinkle” of Parmesan cheese; brussels sprouts, cherry tomatoes.

In other news…. my family is driving me crazy! They simply cannot do anything for themselves! (Ok, maybe I’m exaggerating a bit, but DD just hollered from the livingroom for me to come and stir her cereal (which I just fixed for her) because she can’t taste the sugar! I am pleased to report that I did not go stir her cereal. ……….I hollered for DH to do it! :-) 

  Well, let’s see…today is… Wednesday. That means I have King’s Kids tonight. It should be ok…I don’t have to teach today. But I can’t believe the day has gone by so fast already! It’s already after 2!! I’ll have to go get ready pretty soon. I’ve been cooking. Dad is here working on the bathroom floor. I made chicken with brown and wild rice for lunch…. hmmm..my music just went from Norah Jones to All American Rejects - what was I thinking this morning with that playlist? ha. …..I’ve just felt kind of “blah” for several days now… well, I had some fun going to the dentist yesterday. Yeah! the DENTIST! Does anyone else actually look forward to their dental visits???? Well, I can’t help it…he’s hot! (IMHO, anyway) Oh, how I brushed and flossed and rinsed beforehand! ……yeah, I know…I need to get a life.

Ok, the technical side of life…..

today I’ve had:

Breakfast: 1 cup Kashi shredded wheat; 1 banana

Lunch: Oven fried chicken breast, large green salad with dressing of 1 T. Olive Oil, Balsamic Vinegar, Lemon Juice, s&p; Green Beans, sauteed with onion in 1T. Olive Oil; Brown and Wild Rice, cooked in chicken broth, butter, with poultry seasoning.

*NOTE* Last night I came up with a nice high-fiber snack: cooked Navy Beans tossed with grape tomatoes, black olives, and Pepperoncini peppers.

 I’ve decided to try to limit my salt intake. I never thought I would do that (I LOVE SALT!!!) but my skin is starting to worry me - it’s so dry and my eyes are puffy quite often so I got to thinking that maybe the salt I eat is making me retain water, drying out my skin, etc. So for this coming week, I plan to not use any extra salt - only what I use to cook the food, and that sparingly. Also, I plan to limit my coffee to one “GOOD” cup per day. No more drinking it just because someone made a pot - first of all, you really never know how it’s going to be until you’ve accepted some, and I would never hurt someone’s feelings by not drinking it - GAH!!! Hell, I’ve even lied and said it was good coffee when it tasted like pure-D crap! But Forest Gump’s mom really should have said, “Life is like a cup of coffee, you never know what you’re going to get.” And while I’m ranting anyway, there is no place around here to get a good cup of coffee - Coffee Rush, maybe, but it’s so out of the way now since they moved to the other end of town, I never go that way! And restaurants around here!!! Don’t even get me started!!! It’s so sad I could cry. G_______is for sale…. I wish I was at the place in my life where I could buy it, but I would have to have about 4 years of cooking school and business management classes first, and they are probably asking about 2 million dollars for it anyway because of where it is located. But I wish someone with some culinary inspiration would buy it…..

Well, enough of that for now…. here’s what I’ve had today so far:

Breakfast: Wheaties/milk/banana - 320

BLT’s at church: 1 bite of a caramel brownie and finished J’s summer sausage that she didn’t want.

Lunch: 1 cup Navy Beans + enough chili to flavor them (about 1/2 cup) 2 oz. shredded pepper jack cheese, 10 Kashi Fire Roasted Veg. crackers.