I didn’t realise how long it has been since I last posted here. Been busy. Depressed and just plain old lazy, I guess.

I am doing all right on the diet and exercise front. I am staying on track and getting some exercise every day.  I hope that when I weight in on Monday morning, I see another nice loss. A lovely little nosedive in the number. I am noticing NSV as I progress. Things like having more energy. It is easier to bend over and pick something up off the floor. Showering is easier and more pleasant, I can actually bend down and wash my lower legs and feet, again. Putting on my shoes is a faster, simpler process and just getting dressed doesn’t leave me panting, sweating and ready to fall down. Housework doesn’t exhaust me to the point that I can’t move for hours; I can take better care of my house. I was at the point where I couldn’t push my vacuum without becoming seriously winded. So, there have been some really positive changes in my life, just with the little I have lost, so far. 53 pounds, as of my last weigh in. I still have such a long way to go. But, I think I may just make it, this time.

My appetite is returning. I wasn’t hungry. At all for a while. I was barely eating and when I did, I had to force it down and wanted to throw it back up, as soon as I ate. That has passed. And my calorie counts are coming back up to healthier levels. I figured that would happen, if I just gave it some time and didn’t fret of panic over it. Seems to have worked.

Okay, to the meat of the matter:

Calories for:

23rd: 845.

24th: 1085.

25th: 1482.

26th: 1181.

I have been committed to getting more exercise. I am trying to do a minimum of 30 minutes a day of IHW cardio. On days when I can’t carve out enough privacy, I try to do as much as I can and do some stretching. I find that regular exercise is helping me to feel better, too. Yes, I still hate every fracking moment. But I am liking the benefits.

I know that 30 to 60 minutes a day doesn’t sound like much, but for someone who weighs what I do… Trust me, it is. And it has benefits. As I lose more and the strain isn’t so bad on my joints I will be able to go longer and have more variation. That would be nice… What I am doing now can get a little boring.

Okay, enough babbling for now.

I am thinking of changing the title of this blog. I noticed that someone else who was here before me has a similar title and I feel it is only right to change mine. I have something in mind. Something I rather like, in fact.

Google Toolbar spell checker says that “fracking” isn’t a word. I disagree.

I have been staying on track and getting exercise. I am down another five pounds.

Depression and stress are kicking my ass, hard. And I don’t feel hungry. It is hard to eat enough. Day before yesterday I got less than 700 calories in. Yesterday it was less than 600.

I can’t control the situation that has me so stressed and I just need to deal, pull out of this funk and move forward. I am working on it.

Tomorrow is the first day of Autumn! Summer is done. At last! Although we won’t be in full Fall mode for a bit yet, even up here in the mountains, Autumn arrives a little later, here in Arizona. But just knowing that the season is changing and that I will soon be reveling in crisp temperatures and gloriously coloured leaves makes it all worthwhile.

I love Autumn. It is the season in which I was born and the season in which I feel the most alive. He. He. With my deep love for this season, perhaps rather than a Christian, I should have been a Pagan.

I had a good, on track day, yesterday. I was a little on the hongry side. Needed to feed a bit, so I did. Got in 1498 calories. A few more than I normally do. But it is all good. I feel good and am happy about it. I drank my water, too. I need to get a little exercise, today. Somehow, I need to manage it. I actually feel the need to move. And I really do want to develop the habit of exercising. I know that it is something that I need to do for myself. For so many good reasons and I am beginning to shed my mental block against it. I don’t claim to be Super Gym Queen, here, but I am coming around. A little.

Tomorrow is weigh in day. I am really looking forward to it. And dreading it, too. I can tell by the way my body feels that I have lost more weight since the 6th of this month. But I dread not seeing that reflected in the number on my scale. I know… It is just a number and a scale is an evil, lying beast. It is just a tool, not something in which I should wrap all my hopes and dreams.

I still want to see a lower number tomorrow.

I am having another good, on track day. Eating well and drinking my water. I don’t have enough privacy to exercise, this weekend. But I think that I need a couple of days to let my bod rest and recover. My left foot and my knees are a bit trashed feeling and my hips hurt a bit. Nothing major, but a rest seems in order. I can get back in action on Monday. Funny enough, I am actually looking forward to it. A little.

Yesterday was an on track day. 1217 calories and day eight without a binge.

I am currently working on day nine. And doing well, so far.

Happy.

Eeep! I need to print out my most recent entries. I am getting behind. (I like to keep hard copies, just in case… )

I was getting ready to get in the shower, earlier and I looked down and saw that my big old gut is beginning to collapse.

I was on track all day, today. I still need to eat a bit more, as I am still too light on my calories. (I still feel weird, saying this. Especially when I think about all the calories I used to eat.)

Imported asparagus is on sale locally, right now. So I availed myself of some for my lunch. Steamed to crisp tender and sprayed with I can’t believe it’s not butter spray and a little sea salt and fresh ground black pepper. Oh, was it ever heavenly. And at 14 calories for four spears, a pile was only 60 calories. How fabulous is that?

I got my exercise today. 50 minutes of IHW cardio. I wanted to push through to 60, but I hit the wall. And when I hit it, I listen to my body and I stop. I am still so heavy that it would be stupid of me not to. Pushing past the point where my body wants to go could land me with a nasty injury or a heart attack. Neither of which I really care to get. But, I am happy with the 50 minutes. I broke a good, light overall sweat and got and kept my heart rate up the entire time. I felt good, when I was done and I am noticing that my recovery time was ever so slightly shorter, this morning. So, I think that I am already beginning to reap positive benefits.

I also have a little less soreness, today. My hips were hurting pretty badly, last night but feel better, this morning. I am moving around a lot more easily. Fewer hitches and creaks. I doubt I will get the opportunity to exercise over the weekend. The house will be too full and I won’t be able to carve out any private time. Drat it, anyway.

I had a good, on track day, yesterday. Calories were: 1233. I drank plenty of water, too. I am on track so far, today. And have had my exercise and water. So, I am happy with how I am doing.

I am on day eight binge free. I hope that I can make it and am hoping for a smooth, on track weekend, too.

Weigh in day is Monday. And probably will be on Mondays for the duration of the time I am participating in the TBL WAF challenge. Whew. A weigh in every week. A little scary, I must admit. But, maybe this will cure me of my scale-a-phobia once and for all. After all, all the exposure I have had to spiders living in this house has helped with my fear of those little eight legged freaks. Maybe exposure will help with my scale, too.

Well, I am babbling, now.

Yesterday was a good, on track day. Calories ended up being: 1163.

I am on track, today. Drinking all my water and got 40 minutes of cardio. I tried to go longer, but I was hurting. I am shooting for an hour, tomorrow. Hopefully, I won’t be as sore and can go the whole time. I felt bad that I didn’t get to an hour, but I did get to 40 minutes, which is better than nothing.

Yow. I am a tad sore. After my 30 minute workout yesterday and my hour long go, today, Mama is hitting the Advil bottle. But it is a good sore. And, after exercising for one hour today, I know that I can continue, so no more excuses. I need to move my sluggish arse. Often.

I worked out while I watched the new season premier of TBL. I kinda like doing that. I think I will make it a weekly date. I had some hard minutes when one contestant was climbing the hill to get immunity for her dad. I watched that, crying and I realised that I would have climbed Everest, if it meant that I could have saved my Daddy. That gal is so lucky. I hope that she gets just how lucky she is. That she can do this with her dad. That she can see him get healthier and hopefully, he will be with her for a long, long time to come. (I can’t remember her name, or many names. I am terrible with names and it will be a few episodes before I know every one’s.)

I wanted to smack Chef Boy in the orange. Ed? I think his name is? I just went cold when he talked about how “hot” Allison Sweeney is. Uh… Hello! Asshole! You are there with your wife going on about how hot another woman is? Is that all that really matters to arrogant, ass-hat dogs like you? How hot someone is? Have you looked in the mirror lately, Mr. Fat-ass-cream-in-your-blood-man? Grrr! :(

Okay, jumping off the Rant Express, now.

Yesterday was a good, on track day. Calories were good. I topped out at 1206. The 1200 to 1300 range seems to be where I am most comfortable. That is where I seem to land, most days. I am going to stop fretting if I am in that range and I am not going to beat myself up if I land in a higher range, now and again. Basically, I need to stop worrying over it and just let it happen. I think that taking that stress off myself may be very helpful to me in the long run.

To whoever reads this, I hope that you are having a terrific day. That you are happy, on track and feeling. And feeling good about yourself.

There is a thunderstorm ripping through the sky as I type this. I love storms. They are so powerful, raw and elemental. I am never happier then when the sky is deeply cloudy, the day is dark and grey and rain is falling. My favourite sound, besides the ocean is the sound of rain. On my roof, my deck, the trees and the ground. The more it rains, the better. Dark, grey days are a treat, here in Arizona. Even up here, in the mountains, the sun manages to poke through even the heaviest cloud cover for at least a while.

I am having a very good day, today. On track, at peace with myself and my goals. No binge urges. I managed to carve enough private time to do a fast 30 minutes of MIP. (Marching in place… :D) I still haven’t had dinner. I am not very hungry, yet. I’ll have it in a bit. I have a Lean Cuisine and some veggies to steam. Yum.

I had a good day, yesterday. Calories were a tad low. I topped out at: 1069. I just wasn’t hungry and everything I ate lasted a long time and kept me happy for hours. I have been chowing on lots of protein, the last few days. It keeps me feeling full for hours and hours, so I don’t feel the need to feed, so much. I am a protein craver. I love fruits and veggies, whole grains and other lovely stuff. But I neeeeed protein. And I feed that need as much as I can.

I have been on this calorie counting odyssey for over three months, now. And, since I am being smart, this time, getting plenty of protein, enough quality fat and other vital nutrients, I am not experiencing too much hair shed. I have my usual late Summer, early shed going, with a little more. I know that the slight increase in shedding is because of my weight loss. But, I am not shedding wookies, as I have, on very, very low calorie diets or even when I went lo carb, years ago. I hate to lose hair, any hair. But I accept the fact that I am going to lose some. At this point, I would rather have a thinner, healthier body than crazy-thick hair. And, tho I am shedding a bit more than normal, I don’t notice a loss of overall volume. So, it’s all good.

The storm is quieting. Officially, the Monsoon lasts until the end of this month. It can go on as long as it likes, as far as I am concerned.

I live in Arizona. But, I love up in the mountains above Prescott. And it is supposed to be a lot cooler than it is, today. Blah! I am so tired of this heat! I am so over Summer. I feel sapped and lazy and tired, today.

I had a good, on track day, yesterday. 1223 calories total, yesterday. I tried to eat more… I really did. That was what I could manage.

So far today, I have ingested almost 800 calories and it is hours from dinner time. How the hell have I managed that? Probably because I am eating more protein, today. That is more calorically dense. I feel very full. A little too full, really.

I need to exercise. But I can’t get to it, today. Son will be home from work, soon and in-laws can’t seem to park themselves downstairs today and I have no privacy. Grrr!

Bitch. Bitch. Bitch.