Not writing as often as I used to. Time gets away from me and I forget to get in here and do my thing.

Okay, since the 5th… I have been pretty well on track, except for the 6th. I had a bit of a feeding frenzy. Not a real binge, but I did go a bit overboard. Calories ended up in the 2700 range. It is hard to go all out and binge my head off when there isn’t much junky stuff around and I just don’t have the stomach capacity I used to. Guess I shouldn’t bitch, huh?

Calories for:

7th: 1195

8th: 1309

9th: 1283

10th: Duh! Today is the 10th. Anybody have a new brain that they aren’t using, just lying around? If you would care to donate it, please, give me a shout.

I am also doing well with exercise. I am exercising as often as I can. I had to lay back for a couple of days because of my stupid knee and one day I only got about half of a cardio session because my plagued In-laws couldn’t park themselves downstairs to save their lives that day. Up and down the stairs, with then, doing their stuff and I had no privacy or peace, not even for one stupid little hour. Grrr…

I am getting a teensy bit more fit, tho. Today, my 40 minute cardio session was a little easier to get through and I was able to ramp up my intensity a bit. I had a sweat going when I finished. I am keeping it in the 30 to 50 minute range for a while longer. I am not interested in doing physical harm to myself. And, while I am already doing and feeling so much better thanks to my 58 pounds off, so far, I am aware that I am still very obese and that to over stress myself could be a problem.

Okay, I just looked at what I just wrote. I have lost 58 pounds, so far. Yes, I still have a looong way to go. But I have already made a significant dent in that journey. I am hoping to be below 300 very early in the new year. Then I will really feel as if I am cooking with gas.

I decided to weigh today, rather than tomorrow. I am down another two pounds. I was actually hoping that number would be higher. I feel the changes in my body, I look and feel smaller, yet the numbers just don’t correlate. Scales lie and they suck. But, I still have to get on mine, once a week.

I had a good, on track day, yesterday. Calories were: 1421.

Am I slowing my progress with this higher target range? 

I don’t know…

Yesterday was a blow out of major proportions. I ate anything I could get my hands on all day. I was reacting to stress and emotional upset. I wasn’t hungry. I wasn’t feeling deprived in any way. I just woke up yesterday, did my weigh in, then collapsed and started eating. No, my binge day wasn’t in reaction to my weigh in result. I lost three pounds, last week. A respectable number and one I was pretty happy with. Tho, if I were to be absolutely honest, one I thought was going to be a bit higher.

Anyhoo… (Thoughts are all over the place, this morning.)

So, knowing that it was going to be pretty impossible to fight off, I just let the day happen. I figured it would be a little less rough if I just let it roll. So, that is what I did. I figure I ate roughly 3000 or so calories, yesterday. The funny thing is, even on unguarded eating days, like yesterday, I can’t eat like I used to. My stomach just isn’t able to handle the large volumes it used to be able to. So, I eat and have to wait, a long time before I can handle anything else. It is actually kind of funny, when you think about it. At least I think so.

Sp, today, I feel over the whatever it is that rises up in my brain and my heart and causes binge days and I am ready to be back on track and doing well, again. Little harm should have been done, tho I foresee a lot of water in my immediate future. I am already swelling and puffy. Ugh! Sodium explosion, anyone?

So, weigh in this morning.

Only 3 pounds down. I was hoping for more. Especially considering how many calories I didn’t eat, last week and that I exercised every day. I think part of it is I am retaining some fluid in my legs. They are a bit swollen, this morning. And I am feeling a bit “compacted” if you know what I mean. So, lots of water, some Phillips soft gels and plenty of exercise should rectify it. Too much sodium, last night. I kinda snacked a bit. And I think that is why I am retaining too much fluid.

Ugh. Smart, huh? The night before I weigh in.

Calories for yesterday: 1481. I feel like such a hog.

On the bright side… I have been 17 days binge free.

Tomorrow is the first day of Autumn! Summer is done. At last! Although we won’t be in full Fall mode for a bit yet, even up here in the mountains, Autumn arrives a little later, here in Arizona. But just knowing that the season is changing and that I will soon be reveling in crisp temperatures and gloriously coloured leaves makes it all worthwhile.

I love Autumn. It is the season in which I was born and the season in which I feel the most alive. He. He. With my deep love for this season, perhaps rather than a Christian, I should have been a Pagan.

I had a good, on track day, yesterday. I was a little on the hongry side. Needed to feed a bit, so I did. Got in 1498 calories. A few more than I normally do. But it is all good. I feel good and am happy about it. I drank my water, too. I need to get a little exercise, today. Somehow, I need to manage it. I actually feel the need to move. And I really do want to develop the habit of exercising. I know that it is something that I need to do for myself. For so many good reasons and I am beginning to shed my mental block against it. I don’t claim to be Super Gym Queen, here, but I am coming around. A little.

Tomorrow is weigh in day. I am really looking forward to it. And dreading it, too. I can tell by the way my body feels that I have lost more weight since the 6th of this month. But I dread not seeing that reflected in the number on my scale. I know… It is just a number and a scale is an evil, lying beast. It is just a tool, not something in which I should wrap all my hopes and dreams.

I still want to see a lower number tomorrow.

Imported asparagus is on sale locally, right now. So I availed myself of some for my lunch. Steamed to crisp tender and sprayed with I can’t believe it’s not butter spray and a little sea salt and fresh ground black pepper. Oh, was it ever heavenly. And at 14 calories for four spears, a pile was only 60 calories. How fabulous is that?

I got my exercise today. 50 minutes of IHW cardio. I wanted to push through to 60, but I hit the wall. And when I hit it, I listen to my body and I stop. I am still so heavy that it would be stupid of me not to. Pushing past the point where my body wants to go could land me with a nasty injury or a heart attack. Neither of which I really care to get. But, I am happy with the 50 minutes. I broke a good, light overall sweat and got and kept my heart rate up the entire time. I felt good, when I was done and I am noticing that my recovery time was ever so slightly shorter, this morning. So, I think that I am already beginning to reap positive benefits.

I also have a little less soreness, today. My hips were hurting pretty badly, last night but feel better, this morning. I am moving around a lot more easily. Fewer hitches and creaks. I doubt I will get the opportunity to exercise over the weekend. The house will be too full and I won’t be able to carve out any private time. Drat it, anyway.

I had a good, on track day, yesterday. Calories were: 1233. I drank plenty of water, too. I am on track so far, today. And have had my exercise and water. So, I am happy with how I am doing.

I am on day eight binge free. I hope that I can make it and am hoping for a smooth, on track weekend, too.

Weigh in day is Monday. And probably will be on Mondays for the duration of the time I am participating in the TBL WAF challenge. Whew. A weigh in every week. A little scary, I must admit. But, maybe this will cure me of my scale-a-phobia once and for all. After all, all the exposure I have had to spiders living in this house has helped with my fear of those little eight legged freaks. Maybe exposure will help with my scale, too.

Well, I am babbling, now.

Yow. I am a tad sore. After my 30 minute workout yesterday and my hour long go, today, Mama is hitting the Advil bottle. But it is a good sore. And, after exercising for one hour today, I know that I can continue, so no more excuses. I need to move my sluggish arse. Often.

I worked out while I watched the new season premier of TBL. I kinda like doing that. I think I will make it a weekly date. I had some hard minutes when one contestant was climbing the hill to get immunity for her dad. I watched that, crying and I realised that I would have climbed Everest, if it meant that I could have saved my Daddy. That gal is so lucky. I hope that she gets just how lucky she is. That she can do this with her dad. That she can see him get healthier and hopefully, he will be with her for a long, long time to come. (I can’t remember her name, or many names. I am terrible with names and it will be a few episodes before I know every one’s.)

I wanted to smack Chef Boy in the orange. Ed? I think his name is? I just went cold when he talked about how “hot” Allison Sweeney is. Uh… Hello! Asshole! You are there with your wife going on about how hot another woman is? Is that all that really matters to arrogant, ass-hat dogs like you? How hot someone is? Have you looked in the mirror lately, Mr. Fat-ass-cream-in-your-blood-man? Grrr! :(

Okay, jumping off the Rant Express, now.

Yesterday was a good, on track day. Calories were good. I topped out at 1206. The 1200 to 1300 range seems to be where I am most comfortable. That is where I seem to land, most days. I am going to stop fretting if I am in that range and I am not going to beat myself up if I land in a higher range, now and again. Basically, I need to stop worrying over it and just let it happen. I think that taking that stress off myself may be very helpful to me in the long run.

To whoever reads this, I hope that you are having a terrific day. That you are happy, on track and feeling. And feeling good about yourself.

It had been feeling a little “Fallish” for a while. Now the temps are going back up and I am once again in front of a fan. I hate late Summer. Seriously hate it. The weather is just too freaky and warm. And I don’t like being jerked around by Mother Nature this way. It is nice and cool at night, tho. For that I am truly thankful. I actually had to use my down blanket, early this morning. It was chilly. I could have used it the other night, too. But I was too sleepy and lazy to lever my arse out of the sack and get it out of my closet.

So… I am on track. I ate 1393 calories, yesterday. Ack! I was a tad freaked by that number, I have to admit. I feel as if I am sliding out of control, allowing this slightly higher calorie amount. And I am afraid that my weight loss will stall or stop, too. So, in my head is this voice screaming at me to stop, pull the amounts down and get back in control. This is the voice competing with the one whispering in my ear that “Just one more binge would be okay… no one would know and what could it really hurt?” Maybe I should start charging rent. I could use the money.

The 3FC TBL challenge begins Tuesday. I have been assigned to the Red Team. I am ready to start this challenge. And I hope that it will help me get a little closer to my Hallowe’en Challenge goal. One I think I am not too much closer to, thanks to this last week. :rolleyes:

Small NSV: There was a piece of gooey chocolate fudge cake in my fridge. It was in there for Pookey (my son). I told him to eat it or it was going in the trash. This morning, it went in the trash. Thrown away by me. No taste. No longing looks as it went, no temptation to have “just one bite”. Just a smooth, clean transition from fridge to receptacle. Pleased I am.

I managed to ride out the urges, yesterday. I had to white knuckle it the whole way but I made it. I am hoping that I can get through today, too. I am still fighting bad urges and they are strong, today.

Calories were good, yesterday.   1384 for the day. Not too bad. I’ll take it.

Yesterday was a good, on track day. Calories for the day were: 1255.

I am having a hard time of it, today. I keep fighting binge urges. I don’t know how I am going to do. But I am really trying to hold the line.

I hate days like this…