I don’t want to go into details here, but suffice it to say, posting in this blog was pushed down to the lower reaches of my priority list. My weight loss efforts haven’t been. But writing about it has.

All in all I am still doing all right. Not as fab as I would like… I am struggling a bit and am having a few more days where I don’t eat as well as I know I should. But overall I am ahead of the game and losing pretty consistently. As of this morning, My overall loss reached 74 pounds. So, I can’t complain.

I know that it is mental and emotional stress that is fueling my inappropriate eating. I am eating enough… Getting enough calories and nutrients. But the shit going down in my personal life would like to totally derail me and send me spiralling back into the oblivion of gaining and eating like there is no tomorrow. I am really struggling against that. Hard. And most days I am winning.

I also think that after shedding 74 pounds (I still have about 204 to go to my 140 goal…) my bod is asking it’s self if it is over yet and can it eat and plump back up, again.

Uh… No. It can not.

Due to severe chest wall strain and inflammation, I am unable to work out. I went to the ER on October 22nd with chest pain and difficulty breathing and unable to draw a deep breath. I was really afraid. The doc ordered tests to rule out MI and a clot in my lung. And it turned out all that was the result of muscle strain. So, I take a lot of Advil and can’t do too much or exercise. I tried, last week and ended up in pain and unable to breathe, again. This injury is going to be a long, slow time healing.

I am still losing, in spite of not being able to exercise. I suppose, at my very high weight, (344 as of this morning) just lowering my calories as I do will result in lost weight. I am looking forward to being able to exercise, again one day. I was really getting into it and enjoying it. And I miss it. Okay, I can’t believe I just said that…

Okay, here is how things shaped up since I last posted here:

10/11: 1225 calories. A good day, eating wise. Got exercise walking around and shopping.

10/12: 1471 calories. No exercise noted in my food journal.

10/13: Turned out to be a bad day. Approximate calories were: 2700.

10/14: 1293 calories. 20 minutes of cardio.

10/15: A really bad day… approx. 3000 calories. 30 minutes of cardio in the morning.

10/16: 1312. 40 minutes of cardio.

10/17: 1457. 40 minutes of cardio.

10/18: 1182. 40 minutes of cardio.

10/19: 1420. No exercise noted in food journal.

10/20: 1565.      ”

10/21: 1412.      ”

10/22: Totally off track. That was the day of my ER visit and I was feeling sorry for myself. Silly…

10/23: 1095. No exercise, thanks to my injury.

10/24: 2005. A fast food type of day… We had to go to the Valley and I was craving Long John Silvers. Not exactly what I should have done, after all, I had access to Subway. Or salads.

10/25: 1236.

10/26: 1036.

10/27: 1326.

10/28: 1240.

10/29: 2330. Sigh… There were my favourite chips in the house. And I had noodles and a doughnut. Major disconnect.

10/30: 1126.

10/31: 1280. I don’t have small children and we don’t get Trick-or-Treaters, so no Hallowe’en candy around the house. Or, I would have likely eaten every damned bit of it. I am really struggling with staying on track, here.

11/1: 1605. Still struggling with control. I have a lot of work to do. Too many pretzels, no matter how low fat is still too many fracking pretzels. Dammit!

11/2: 1156.

11/3: Total feeding frenzy. I didn’t even attempt to note everything ingested and the approx. calories.

11/4: 1476.

11/5: 1575. Creeping up… Loosing sense of control. How do I expect to lose this weight and ultimately keep it off if I can’t learn control. This is going to be a long, hard lesson, indeed.

11/6: 1495.

11/7: Another totally fucked up day of eating. This is happening waaay too often. I need to get my shit together.

11/8: 1035. Better. But calories were a bit too low. I just wasn’t hungry and I was having a bad day. I was stressed and feeling a bit fragile. Yeah… It was a bad day.

Today, so far I am on track and feeling good about it. I am hoping to maintain that momentum and move forward.

 

A good day, yesterday. Calories ended up at: 1559. It was movie night and I wanted popcorn. So, I ate popcorn. Yummy, evil cheese popcorn. My stomach felt as if it had a rock in it all night. Seriously, when did popcorn start to affect me that way? Guess I won’t have so much, next time. Or perhaps it is a reminder to choose a better snack.