So, knowing that the yellow jackets have to go so that I can walk, today, my husband grabbed a can of hornet and wasp spray and went after the yellow jacket nest in the planting bed framing. He sprayed a bunch of the poison into the holes that the little horrors fly in and out of. While he was spraying, hornets from all over the place were flying back to the nest. He was getting pelted by returning yellow jackets. I told him to wait until after dark, tonight, but he decided he wanted to get to it, today. Now, there is a ton of dead hornets out there. And more clogging the exit hole. Hopefully another treatment or two and it will be safe for me to go outside, again.

 It is thoughtful of him to do that, but really brave… or stupid to do it during the day.

I was afraid that I was going to have a bad day of it, blow my plan, today. So far, so good. I am still on plan and doing okay. When I feel at all emotionally fragile is when I am most vulnerable to trouble, so I am pleased that so far, I have managed to hold the line.

Oh, I looked carefully at my legs today and saw, much to my delight that they are shrinking. The area, below my knees, where fat had accumulated and really bulged is flattening and dipping inward. I am seeing more dipping in on my thighs, as well. Yay! Further proof that I am doing something right. :D

I thought I posted here, yesterday. Guess I didn’t.

 Calories for the 29th were 916. A little low.

I came in at 1102, yesterday.

 Things are humming along pretty well. After the huge fight my husband and I had last night, I am surprised I didn’t deal with it by stuffing my face and crying. As I normally do. I am feeling the urge to do that, today, tho. Even though we talked things out later, last night, I am still feeling hurt and I want to drown my sorrows. I am determined not to. But I don’t know how well I will do, today. I guess all I can do is try.

Yesterday was a good day for my eating. Calories topped out at 1216. I got all my water, too.

I was up early, this morning, got my stuff done, then sat and vegged and knitted and watched TV all day. Sometimes a girl just needs a day or two to be a sloth. I am planning another knit-sloth day tomorrow, too. Hey, I figure my husband gets days off and vacations. Why shouldn’t I have a day or two, now and then to just do as I please? I am in to knitting dishcloths, right now. Sugar and Cream cotton is on sale at Michael’s for a buck a ball. And I need dishcloths… :D  Besides, it is too hot to work with wool, right now. Cotton is nice for hot Summer days knitting.

I still can’t make myself get on the scale. I think I will just forget about it, for a while.

…with my blog settings. I am slowly figuring everything out. Takes a while, for a ‘puter idgit like myself to get the hang of things. But, now I have categories, a side bar, a calendar and everything. Yay!

I even figured out widgets and how to edit.

Am I too cool, or what?

All was well in On Track Land.

Calories were: 1267. Much better. Just a smidgen over my target number. But nothing to get excited or upset about. I drank my water and got a little exercise.

It is sooo difficult to exercise in my tiny house. And I live on the side of a mountain. Walking out and about is out. Unless I want to give myself a heart attack. I do have a nice-sized yard that is level and around the perimeter is a good place to walk. Only problem is the nest of yellow jackets in the framing of my front planting bed. They come out, anytime anyone walks in the yard, buzzing around to protect “their” territory. And, since yellow jacket venom and I don’t get along well, I have to stay inside. Husband keeps promising to deal with them. I keep waiting. And I am not getting any happier about it, as time goes by. I really need to get out and start doing some serious cardio. I feel ready. A brisk 40 minutes a day, to start will rev my metabolism and get my blood singing, as well as enhance fat loss.

Now, where is the kindling? Guess it is time to light a fire under hubb’s ass.

It lurks. Taunting me. Hidden down under my unused wood stove. Gleaming slightly in the light that penetrates the thick coating of dust. I approach slowly. Wondering if today will be the day. I bend down, my hand slowly stretching outward…

 A growl causes me to recoil. Was it real? In my imagination? Am I seeing teeth, bared, snarling in the dimness under the old stove?

I quake with fear. Panic begins to well up inside me. I feel chocked, my breathing laboured and fast, my heart pounding in an unnatural rhythm. I back away swiftly. I almost fall over my dog whom I didn’t see lie down behind me. As I get farther away, I begin to calm down. My panic subsides, my fear begins to dim. My breathing slows, my heartbeat returns to normal.

My scale has won, again. It will not be hauled out into the bright light of day. The dust coating it’s every surface will remain untouched. It’s dial will stay still.

My fear remains.

I won’t be weighing myself today.

Maybe tomorrow…

Maybe next week…

I understand my reluctance. I know what I have done in the past when the numbers on my scale didn’t reflect the work I think I have done. I know the feeling of seeing the numbers not go low enough. Or not move, at all. And I know how I have reacted. And I don’t want to go there. I don’t want that crushing sense of defeat. I don’t want to do what I know, deep in my heart I would likely do, if I don’t see what I think I should see. My fear wins out.

Again.

So, do I have issues… Or do I just need to get over myself?

So, I was making my brekkie, this morning and thinking about differences. Differences in action and perceptions. My breakfast consisted of a home made latte made with 1% milk and two slices of whole grain light toast with ICBINB spray and some sugar free grape jam. Total calories about 235. I thought about how different people would react to that meal, when eaten by different people. If a very slender gal was eating that meal, she would be commended for her control, for eating light and maintaining her girlish figure. The reaction to a fat person would most likely be, that isn’t enough calories for someone like you. You need to eat more to fuel your body.

  Why are so many in our society so dreadfully critical and even downright hateful to those of us who “weigh too much” yet don’t want to see us do anything about it? I can’t even begin to count the number of times, during one weight loss attempt or another where I was pressed to eat, eat. That I wasn’t eating enough, that I would lose weight too fast, that I couldn’t possibly sustain this way of eating, (I couldn’t, it turned out, but that isn’t my point, right now…) that I should stop worrying and treat myself. And almost in the same breath, hear praises sung about a slender gal and how “she eats like a little bird” and isn’t she wonderful?

 WTF??? :rolleyes: Double standard, much?

 Are people so threatened by the thought that the fat girl may be able to lose the weight? Do so many suffer from Tall Poppy Syndrome? Are they so territorial, so jealous of their own position as “the pretty ones” that they fear a little competition? Do they love having someone they can condescend, give back-handed compliments and, in a way, control?

Just wondering.

I think I already blogged my calories for yesterday? 1465. Not too bad. Still nicely on plan, tho a couple of hundred above where I usually like to land.

I have chicken cooling that I just cooked on my Foreman grill. I will get several days out of it, if the guys keep out of it. A couple of meals, if they don’t. Chances are, they won’t. For some reason my guys like to be fed, too. Imagine the nerve.

I am not feeling hungry, today. Good thing. I seem to cycle in and out of hungry days and this last time, I dealt better. I upped my calorie intake a bit, really fed myself very well and still stayed nicely on track, without indulging in a feeding frenzy or a binge. Another step taken in the right direction. Not, by any means an indication that I might just have this whole thing figured out. I don’t. But, I got a little closer, methinks.

My bod seemed to want to be fed. So, I fed it. I didn’t go off plan or overeat in any way. But I did eat more calories than usual. I topped out at 1465 calories for the day. This is still well within weight loss territory, for me so I am not worried about it. One of the areas I went a little crazy… Fruit. I have a bowl of gorgeous watermelon in my fridge. And I couldn’t seem to stay out of it. And I ate a Slim a Bear ice cream treat. For some reason, I was wanting sweet. Some days, I don’t crave sweet, at all. In fact, my usual cravings are for salty and protein. Whatever.

 I drank plenty of water and got some exercise.

 Summer is making me crazy. I am sooo over the heat and I am looking forward to Autumn. My favourite season. I just love the cool, crisp air, leaves changing colour, fall fruits and getting out warmer clothes and bedding. I love to sleep on brisk Fall nights with my window open and a puffy comforter pulled up under my chin, my dog passed out on the floor next to my bed, my cat under the covers, warmly curled against my back. I love dark, low clouds and cold rain. Wind whipping and soughing noisily through the pine trees. I wait, in breathless anticipation for the first day of Autumn so I can put out my Fall decor. Garlands, wreaths and leaves. Gourds, pumpkins and bright yellow, gold, orange and red blooms. How much more cheerful can it get?

 ***Sigh*** I just came out of my reverie and realised that it is still Summer.

A good day, again, yesterday. Calories were 1156. Water went down. Still need to get out and buy more vitamins and a new legal pad for my food journal. I have enough paper for two days.

 I have been thinking about calorie intake. Everything I read supports that for my current weight, I should be ingesting right around 2000 a day. But, I have set my limit at 1200. I keep reading that it is low. That having calories this low can be problematic, that I may not be getting enough fuel for my body, and that in future, I have no wiggle room if I plateau and need to drop them a bit to break it.

 So, I  wonder, do I up my intake a bit? Thus giving myself more fuel and wiggle room, or do I hold steady, where I am happy and feeling as if I am doing really well? To be perfectly honest, I don’t really want to rock the boat, right now. I am doing well at this level. My weight continues to drop, steadily but not too fast, I feel well and I am not hungry or feeling as if I am going to crash. My every instinct tells me to stick with what I am doing. I think I need to listen to myself. To my body and my own needs. I have the option of changing my program if I need to. I just don’t feel the need to do so, right now.

I just want to note, right here, how much I love 3FC. Seriously. The support, the caring and lack of judgement are so special. The members there are lovely people and I am so happy to have found that site. I looked at a few others. One was so jarring and almost hostile. It was full of good info, but there was a particular member, running all over the board, screaming at anyone who dared ask a question, “Read the stickies! Read the stickies! Stop posting questions until you read all the stickies!” WTF? Hey, I am all for reading stickies and getting the lay of the land before I post, but that was just outrageous. And it chased me out of there faster than a cat off a hot tin roof. Thank heaven there is none of that nastiness at 3FC.

Well, I suppose I should go. I don’t have a whole lot to gab about, today and I have stuff to get done. I also want to finish one knitting project I have going and get further along on another.

After my little feeding frenzy, I had a bit of anxiety about getting back and staying on track. I have a long history of doing well for a while, having a feeding frenzy or a binge, feeling defeated and not getting back on plan. In fact, after every episode of ill-advised eating, I panic, fearful that this it is. This is the time I will fail. Again. And gain it all back. Again. And even more. Again.

 But, so far, so good. Yes, I am making mistakes. But I seem to be learning from them. And I am picking myself up, dusting myself off and getting back on the horse. I am also praying really hard that I can continue. Because I don’t know how many more failures I have in me.

 Calories for yesterday were: 1168. I felt good and strong, yesterday. Drank my water and took my vitamins. Got some exercise in the form of housework. I maintain that pushing a vacuum while hauling my bulk constitutes some exercise. Yes, I do.

Okay, I should probably share a little about myself. I am 43. Married for almost 20 years. We have a 19 year old son. A dog and a cat. (My 3fc avatar is a pic of my cat. :D) We live in Arizona, up on a mountain outside Prescott. I am a housewife, my husband works for a local company. I enjoy reading, music, movies. I am really in to knitting, right now. I learned earlier, this year and I love it. I can also crochet, embroider, sew. I am not a wonderful cook, but if pressed, I can put an edible meal on the table. I am a bit of a TV junkie. And yes, I really enjoy reality shows. My very, very fave of any in the wholewideworld is The Amazing Race. I also really like So You Think You Can Dance, Survivor, Big Brother, (yeah… yeah… I know… ) Project Runway, Top Chef, Shear Genius. Just to name a few. My poor DVR gets quite the workout. But it is nice, because I can fit my addiction in amongst everything else I need to get done on a daily basis. I also enjoy non reality TV. More about all that, as the new season commences.

As  housewife, I am endlessly diverted by people who, upon learning that I stay home, ask me why I don’t “do anything.” Uh… Don’t do anything? I would love to invite you to come live my life for a week. At the end of it, ask me again, why I don’t “do anything.” I’ll bet you will be too tired to make your mouth move.

Anyway, that is a little about me.