Padoo!

Note to self/reminder:

The past 2 weeks have not been good. They’ve taken a lot out of me emotionally and it’s hard to recover from stuff like that quickly. But it’s time to be over it. I’ve had 2 “chill” days to zone out and relax. Now, it’s almost 2pm on Sunday and I haven’t done any studying for this week. in fact, I’m still behind from last week. But I want to have a good weekend at home next weekend and since I leave on Thursday afternoon, I need to be ready for the next week as well. Eeek! Oh yeah, and tomorrow, I’m getting up at 6:30 to go run for the first time on campus. Which makes me want to throw up thinking about but suck it up chubby!

Now, go study!!!

Okay so this is completely off topic but I want some other 20 somethings opinion on this. My brother is getting married in October. They have been dated for years (since high school) and are now 25. most of their friends are 25 as well. His groomsmen are all his friends from his school. Me and my sister are bridesmaids as well as the bride’s sister. I am the youngest at 20. My sister is 22 and the bride’s sister is maybe 27.

I am in college so I still call my parent’s house home. I understand them sending invitations and whatnot to my parent’s address and sending it all in one envelope, but 2 problems arise: my parents forget to show/tell me important things and I’m then treated as a child rather than an adult in terms of the wedding.

Here’s my issue: I know I’m being slightly (ok a lot) over emotional about this, but I’m starting to get miffed and feeling out of the loop. I’ve tried to talk to my mom about it and it never goes well. The bride doesn’t really like me and the fact that I’m in the wedding is a joke mainly because it shows she has no friends (loooong story there) but it makes communication pretty hard especially because she’s almost secretive about things. Like, she avoids any questions about what’s going on. I don’t know, it’s weird. Anyways, the real problem is I was kind of thinking that I was allowed to bring  a guest because, well, I’m 20 years old and all that. But that’s not how the invitation says. All the other groomsmen and bridesmaids are getting their own invitation that says so and so and guest. Mine is clumped with my parents. Plus, I know they aren’t counting on anyone else because I saw their list of number of guest and all the other people are listing as having 2 (single and guest) and I’m listed with my parents as 3 (mom, dad, me). Before seeing all this, I had briefly asked my brother if I was allowed to bring a guest and he looked shocked as hell, and other people (like my mom) heard me and they all scoffed and said “like who?” So yeah i’ve never brought home a guy or seriously dated anyone but regardless i think that I should be invited to bring a guest. Plus, like hell i’m going to the golden child’s wedding without someone to talk to besides everyone talking about how wonderful my brother is or how I’m going to die alone (oh yeah, did i mention that’s my brother’s fiancee’s favorite thing to say to me?) I don’t care if it’s a guy. I mean why can’t i bring my roommate to the wedding since she’s never met my family or been to my city? I just don’t want to be surrounded by all these couples and then just me. but besides my feeling, I think it’s a fucking general courtesy to invite your 20 year old sister (not that far in age bud!!) and GUEST especially when I’m bending over backward to help with the wedding and trying to plan a bridal shower when she has no friends!!! I’m really ready for this wedding to be over with. Or better yet, for school to start so I’m completely removed from the situation until the bridal shower in september. and you know what, the other 2 bridesmaids can figure that shit out. the best one is: my mom’s book group is having a shower for her in a couple weeks which all these women are the moms of my brother’s friends and none of the friends or parents like her. Did i mention this girl is kind of not likeable?

Good morning!

I actually managed to drag my flabby booty out of bed today!!! My trick: wear my retainer to bed. It hurts in the morning so I actually want to get out of bed. Of course then I want to get back in…

I did upper body weights. Then had breakfast. Now i need to get back to doing lower body weights and cardio. I’m kind of dragging with the weights. I haven’t done them in a while and i am WEAK. It’s pathetic. I want to do this dance cardio video but it’s really embarrassing to do. I’m hoping my dad leaves for a bit so I’ll have the house to myself to do cardio.

I got my bridesmaid dress. It’s strapless with a voluminous skirt. I’m glad i got in now so I can see where I need to improve. The dress fits perfectly (woot!) but i want to tone up my upper body and the way the skirt part starts isn’t too flattering. i would like to lose some love handles and thigh fat so it lays better. and I need to keep up my tan. I could really do with a nap right now but I know I shouldn’t/won’t. I have a lot to do. I think if I finish working out, showering, cleaning, and doing all the little things I need to do before 2 then I’ll let myself take a wee nap before I start taking down the wallpaper in the hallway. Holy crap it’s almost 11 already!!!! eek!

Oh yeah, and I weighed in today at 204 

Food so far:

Hardboiled egg (70)

Oatmeal (150)

Temporary 3 week-ish plan (also my “How to get through the next 3 weeks with the fam”)

Food: Oatmeal twice a day (300 calories)

2 Fruits  (200-300 calories)

5 veggies (200-300 calories)

1 meal with protein and carb (around 500 calories)

2-3 glasses of milk (250? calories)

So about 1500 calories.

Exercise:

Weights 3 times a week

Cardio everyday for an  hour total (stair stepping, crazy dancing, or cardio workout tape)

Pilates or yoga once a week

Stretch everyday

Ab workout everyday  (like a light one- crunches, sit-ups, just to engage the abs everyday)

Lifestyle:

2 hours tv max (one hour with stair stepping, eh?)

study spanish 2 hours a day

Work around house at least 2 hours a day

Sleep 9 hours a night

Go outside at least 15 minutes a day to relax (read a book on the porch?)

Write a letter/ send an e-mail everyday

Stay active!!!

‘Kay going to sleep now and then printing this list out in the morning!

…is really hard!!!!! I’m so mad and frustrated with myself!!!! I know the key to my success: getting up early. I don’t know why that makes a difference to me but if i get up by 7 and workout I’m very productive but if i wake up after 9 my day goes to crap. and lately I’ve been sleeping a lot. not napping but just 9 plus hours a night. and it’s a deep sleep that i can’t get out of either. i’ve set my alarm 3 days this week and I can’t wake up!!!! these past few days have been so unproductive and frustrating for me!! why am i so lazy!!!!! argh!!!

in other news, i can’t wait for this wedding to be over with!!! I’m actually pretty okay with how i look right now so i’m not losing weight FOR the wedding. yeah it’s a mini goal but not THE goal. That being said, everybody else in my family IS. BUT but but they are very annoying about it. Here’s how it breaks down:

Sister and Dad: talk about it non stop as they continue to eat crap. esp my sister who drinks alcohol like there aren’t any calories in it

Mom: Likes to comment on what other people are eating. OR my favorite, how she will only have a sip of a smoothie that i make because of “all the calories” yeeeeah all 200  calories that we split into 4

Grandparents (mom’s side): on a diet and losing weight. so everyone else in my family needs to talk about them…

Grandparents (dad’s side): see dad’s description but add in waaaay more fad diets

That’s the other thing, my dad and sister like keep trying to find a fad diet to follow. it’s waaay annoying.

I’m pretty ready to go back to college and not being surrounded in such negativity. Another thing that’s annoying me (see this is why I need to continue working out: stress reduction) is my mom. She nags. and nags. and nags. and then when I get irritable (because wouldn’t you) she’s like “i don’t know why everyone’s mad at me” or just gets pissy too and then blames me. like right now it’s 4:30 which means she’ll be home soon. which means i’m already getting in a bad mood because i knoe the moment she walks in the door she’ll start nagging. no matter what i have or haven’t done during the day it will never be enough. she’ll never walk in the door and just be like hi and have a conversation. no, she says hi and then WHAM it begins. she doesn’t even realize she’s doing it though which is the sad part. and i really don’t like being around her anymore. especially because she can’t just relax. i don’t know how to explain it but it’s almost like if someone is having fun or enjoying themselves without her being involved (which we can’t get her involved when we try) then she has to ruin it. without realizing she’s doing it. but then if she’s reading we’re not allowed to annoy her. or suddenly (when we’re busy) she wants to do something and when we can’t (because we are busy) she makes us feel guilty/bad and stuff.

i’m just ready to be out of here. I like living with roommates because they understand when you’re busy but will also join you like a family does. whereas my family, i try to “do my own thing” so i can cook and eat healthy and all of a sudden i’m supposed to be either the family cook or the ungrateful daughter. soo, either way i lose. i made the mistake of cooking a lot at the beginning of the summer because i’d been living in the dorm and missed cooking. but then my family quickly started being pretty damn ungrateful and relying on me to cook every goddamn meal YET they would make fun of me for how long it took me to cook (because I like complex recipes not just noodles in a pan) soooooo i quickly stopped that and then i was gone for a month so you’d like they’d stopped relying on me. nope. yesterday afternoon, my mom called and was like “what are you marinating the chicken in?” uuhhhhhhhh yeah i saw her note that there was chicken to grill for dinner but no one ever ASKED me about it. and uh I don’t cook or really eat meat soooo i told her this and she was like “well are you at least going to help with dinner?” and i was like well yeah but i’m not cooking for everyone. and then she got mad so i said “i’m going to just do my own thing” mistake!!! holy fucking cow. it’s like i said i was going to be a lesbian. so i made my own damn salad. then today, she calls and is like what’s for dinner. so i told her i’m not cooking for everyone. and she was like ooooooookay then do you want to do pizza or something. seriously woman, i just want some fucking oatmeal!!!!

btw, my new thing is doing oatmeal for 2 meals and then a regular meal with fruits and veggies throughout the day. i was planning on doing the meal as dinner but i think i might change that so i’m out of the picture for dinner meals.

ugh, my mom is home. major uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.

So yeah, i went to michigan for a 5 day vacation and somehow turned it into a month away because i got a temporary job while i was there. point is, i’ve been away for 4 weeks plus i was dependent on others because i was living with family friends so food and exercise were out of my control and seriously i mean that. I never had anytime to myself or to do anything i wanted to do. good news: didn’t gain. bad news: didn’t really lose, am fried stress-wise, sleep deprived, and all that good stuff

looking to the future though, i was going to get back to working out today but I’m really just enjoying chilling (not a good excuse i know) I’m going to skip it today (i know i know!!!) and shower and clean up from being away for a month unplanned (eck!), go to the grocery store, and kind of get everything back together

Then tomorrow I won’t feel so overwhelmed (hopefully) and will hop back on working out.

but I can make some kick ass blueberry smoothies though!!!

my birthday is in 2 weeks……

i got a nice tan while in michigan and have been receiving lots of compliments about how good i look which is an odd mix of feelings there…

i kind of wish i hadn’t stayed in michigan

i still have a lot of work to do on the house before I leave at the end of august, but i finished the bathroom (mostly) and it looks amazing. maybe it’s good that i don’t have much time because then i have to keep moving and be productive to pull off all my summer projects.

kind of thinking about doing slim fast for the next 4 weeks

eh, need to get started on my day!

Wow. So, yesterday i went to work and then was going to go home, workout, and then shower, but first I was going to go test drive a ford focus. So i did but I didn’t really like it so I wanted to compare it to a corolla back to back because I thought i liked it more but I drove it monday night so it was hard to compare. Well, then I realized that either way I had to make a decision yesterday or lose getting a car (long story with types of cars and shipment backups, etc) So I ended up spending most of my day at car dealerships and then at home just thinking and then I went back and bought a corolla! but it hasn’t arrived yet.

Anyways, yesterday ended up with no exercise (or shower ew) and I went out to dinner with my mom afterward because we didn’t get done signing until 6:30. I didn’t really binge but I didn’t eat low cal or low fat either. Then last night I couldn’t sleep because I’m a little panicked about having to pay 18,000 dollars in 36 months and then I slept in until noon and then I smelled sooooo bad so i took a shower without exercising. my one redemption  is that I put on my killer high heels for the wedding and walked around the house for an hour and my calves feel it. Eating hasn’t been too great but not horrible either. I really just want to read for a little bit so I might do that then work in the bathroom (redecorating)

eh

Getting back on track…whoo? So it’s only 11:30 but I’m posting anyways. I had Kashi heart to heart for breakfast with fat free milk. Probably 1.5-2 servings though so around 220 for the cereal plus milk, but it has a lot of fiber and not very much (or none at all) processed sugar and all that bad stuff. I made some green tea to sip on (iced) but i’m on my second cup of hot blueberry green tea for now. I’ve heard a lot about how green tea helps weight loss and all that, but I figure even if it’s not true, sipping on hot or cold tea gives me something to do to replace munching and gives a mental boost that I’m “losing weight while I drink” even though I’m probably not. Plus, not much bad info about green tea either. I’m trying to give up diet coke unless I’m at a restaurant or at a party (instead of alcohol) I really don’t like to drink alcohol but it’s more of a peer pressure thing that I usually drink. People make such a big deal out of your own personal decisions. I like Jim Gaffigan’s joke about how he doesn’t drink and people’s reaction to him not drinking. It’s so true!! Plus, alcohol is empty calories, I usually start eating soon after drinking even though I’m not hungry, and it slows your metabolism.

I need to clean up, workout, shower, take some goal pictures, and get busy with my day (which is now only starting at 11:37 haha!) For lunch, I think I’m going to make a big veggie salad and maybe some tortilla soup so I can have some lunches for the rest of this week. I don’t know the calories count for tortilla soup but I think I should figure that out before I make it. but maybe not since that would make sense…

So I guess my old account was deleted or something since I hadn’t updated it in over a month or so. Things are eh for me right now. I’m home for the summer, my sister graduated college this May and is living with our parents who are babying her and indulging her in EVERYTHING, my dog died, my dad is acting like an old man even though he shouldn’t be, my dad’s eating is out of control majorly, my dad’s health is declining, my dad is very insecure, my dad is mentally unstable, my dad is annoying to be around, I’m starting to hate my dad, and oh yeah, I’m living with him. My parents haven’t taken care of their house so now it is under attack by carpenter bees and TERMITES and they won’t do anything about it and there’s only so much that I can do. My dad blames everything on my mom even though she has nothing to do with it. Seriously, everything. Today he said that he’s always hated this house because it reminds him of trailer…WTF? 13 years, nice house, he picked it, he’s ruined it with his business. I’m harboring a lot of bad emotions. I don’t have anyone to talk to about what’s going on because I don’t want to dump that on new friends, old friendships have fizzled (high school friends who went to different colleges), some of it is embarassing or personal. My sister is turning into a very stubborn dewey eyed bitch. (dewey eyed isn’t right but I don’t know how to explain it. ) My dad and sister are FAT. And I mean this in the sense that they stuff their faces constantly and use stupid excuses to justify it. That sounds horrible and mean esp since I’m oveweight too but that’s how I feel and I need to get that out.

argh argh argh argh argh!!!! I could vent for hours!!! Anyways, I

Enough negativity! Some positive things I’ve noticed: I WANT to be healthy. I like cooking. i cook healthy. I’m not dreading the return of school. I know my body and my personality. I know what I need and want and I’m willing to work for it. i have a really good work ethic now.

Goals for the summer: Get my stuff organized, get my finances understood, get a car (woot!), update my parents house, tackle the basement, lose weight and be healthy for the start of school, be comfortable in my own skin, become less self conscious and more outgoing, polish my Spanish, find a job for the school year.

My bridesmaid dress arrives mid to late August. I hope it gets here before I go to school so I can try it on. I’m kind of worried about it because the sizing was weird and yeah.. I want to lose weight but I don’t want to be one of those people who orders their dress too small so they’ll lose weight to wear it but end up having to go through a lot of work of piecing it together because they didn’t lose weight.

i feel like I let my weight limit myself. Like “if i were skinny, I’d go” and stuff like that. Soooo none of that!!

This week to challenge myself I want to: Ride my bike twice in the neighborhood, do T4T Mon-Sat, do yoga Mon-Sat, and do pilates on Sunday.

To be healthy, this week I want to focus on: Getting into a healthy sleep pattern. i’m thinking bed around 11pm-midnight latest when just at home so I’m up around 8 am. Ideally, I’d like to be in bed reading around 10pm so I can get up before it’s too hot out to ride my bike or run. This week I’m just going to try to be in bed earlier. I’ll work on getting up earlier next week.

To be happy, this week I want to: lay out in the sun once, limit tv to an hour a day or one movie and no tv so that i get off my rump and get active, find a really good book to read

Things I need to get done: Call school, call bank, call that woman, look at cars, redo the bathroom, scan some pictures, order Spanish workbooks, sell textbooks, get some babysitting jobs, call DMR to maybe apply for job there

I want to be really productive and organized so that when I go back to school in August, I have nothing to stress about or feel anxious about.

Tomorrow, after I work out and shower, I’m going to take some goal pictures. I’m going to try to do them weekly and do a couple of outfits in the same positions so i can line them up and compare them. I just think that would be really interesting and cool to do.

I’m going to go make a to do list for tomorrow, and then curl up in bed with a good magazine.

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