Happy, Healthy Me :)

I’ve had 3 clean days! When I woke up this morning, I felt slim. I don’t know how that works…it just does. Of course, then I looked in the mirror, and the first thought in my mind was, “Ugh. Tired and chubby.”

I’ve accepted that I have self confidence and self esteem issues. It all boils down to - I don’t love myself. Learning how to deal with that on a day to day basis, when being around almost any other human being aggravates it (except for my family and my boyfriend), and learning how to change it, is going to take time.

But I’m not going to deal with it in one way that I have before. I will not eat it away. The day following my last binge, I got mad. Mostly at the way I’ve been treating myself. I swore to myself that no matter what it takes, I am not going to binge again. Ever. I mean it. I can come up with a million excuses for why I should, and every night at work, I end up wanting at least part of the junk that comes through my till. But I will do whatever it takes to overcome that.

I’m going on my fourth day… I feel strong. I’m going to my sister’s house warming party, and I’m going to be drinking vodka with sugar free juice and diet pop. I’m going to count each drink as 100 calories.

My food for the day:

2 eggs, fried with 1 t olive oil

2 slices whole wheat bread

broccoli with 1 T ranch dressing

Yesterday is over. I don’t want to think or write about it. Denial? Maybe. But I’m going to focus on moving on. I’m doing better today. Today will be good.

This morning I could hardly drag ass out of bed. The sugar had my head and body so fogged! It felt really, really yucky.

2 slices whole grain (no flour), organic bread

2 eggs

1 Kashi granola bar

Salad with cucumber, almost a cup of chickpeas, and 10 sprays Spritzer spray

45 calories worth of Spritzer spray with cauliflower and celery

4 T cheese whiz with celery and brocoli

1 mug black coffee

1 apple

Total so far: 1030

Dinner? No idea…but I will definately keep it at or below 1500 calories.

Yesterday was my first binge free day in a while. Yay, me!!

April 5

2 poached eggs
2 slices whole grain bead
1 large coffee with one cream and one sweetener
sample of 70% blueberry dark chocolate with almonds
2 sips diet coke
heaping half cup of rice
1 tsp low sodium soy sauce
1 fish filet
orange pepper strips
1/2 cup chickpeas
individual pack of cheese puffs
1 mug tea, plain
1 Hint of Jalapeno tostito chip
1 banana
1 apple

April 6

1 mug of coffee, black
Tuna sandwich with 1 can tuna, two slices whole grain flour-less bread, 1 T ranch dressing, 3 banana peppers and 1 slice tomato
1/2 cup chickpeas with 10 sprays ceaser Spritzer
1 cup rice
1 tsp low sodium soy sauce
100 calories Cadbury dark chocolate
individual pack of cheese puffs
Planned dinner:
Salad with 1 can tuna and 1 T either mayo or ranch dressing, and tomato.
1 apple

It is so easy to get frustrated because even though the weight took time to go on, who doesn’t want it to come off JUST LIKE THAT? In order to help me focus on the long-term and how I’m going to shed my extra 10 pounds, this is a record of the positive changes I’ve begun making, starting yesterday

- All whole, healthy foods except for two 200 calorie packs a day - one salty & crunchy, and one sweet.
- Hard liquor mixed with juice (no sugar) or diet pop, instead of more calorie expensive drinks.
- Portion control.
- Focus on protein and fresh foods, and make carbohydrates the side dish.

I will update as I think up more!

Yesterday, I had a sugar binge.

Today, I saw myself in a full length mirror and realized how good my body really looks. It helped to reinforce that this is worth maintaining and improving.

I need to invest in a full length mirror!

I also want to get my hair highlighted, go for a pedicure, and keep my nails maintained. It’s my girly plan

Food for today…

2 mugs black coffee

1 homemade choco chip cookie

2 yogurts (90 each)

1 banana & 1 pear